


I Put A Spell On You

by addict_writer



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dom/sub, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:20:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 85,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27070357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addict_writer/pseuds/addict_writer
Summary: He had it all and lost everything in one night. She's trying to deal with her demons from her past. Does he have what she needs? Is she enough to heal him? Is she enough for him?
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at this universe. I've only once written D/s, but it was slash...
> 
> I don't anything from the Twilight universe or anything else you might recognize in the story. The idea is mine, though. :)

The dark road was illuminated only by his headlights.

Edward glared out the windshield, gripping the steering wheel.

"Please stop," Angela whispered. "You know I don't like seeing you upset."

Edward snorted. "Then maybe you should have listened to me," he snapped. "Wearing something so revealing at the gala was the worst idea you've ever had." He shot her a hard look. "See, I allow you to make decisions. And then you start crying because I punch some idiot for looking at what's mine!" Edward felt the anger boiling in his blood. "Dammit, Angie!" He slapped the steering wheel.

"You need to calm down. I had no idea he'd try touching me."

"Well, maybe if you'd taken my opinion into consideration…"

Angela shifted in the seat, hugging his suit jacket closer to her body. Edward noticed her head down, her palms gripping her knees.

"Fuck. Angie…"

"I know you're going to punish me."

"I'm still trying to decide on the best punishment for you." Edward gulped. "And I can't do half of them now."

Angela's lips lifted up. "Right. You always said I used to find a different way out of punishments."

"This was a bit drastic, don't you think?" Edward rolled his eyes, chuckling. "But we need to think of the baby before we decide your punishment." He reached over, taking her hand. "I love you, Angie."

She broke her stance, looking up at him. "I'm so sorry, Sir. It won't happen again."

Smiling, Edward took his eyes off the road long enough to look at her honest face, before he leaned for a kiss.

Blinding lights made him pull away.

It was the headlights of a large truck coming toward them full speed from a side street.

Edward turned the wheel, but it was too late. The hit propelled their car in the air before it fell on his side on the edge of the road. Then it rolled toward the beach.

Edward fumbled with his seatbelt when the car finally came to a stop, upside down.

"Fuck. Baby?" He turned to Angela.

Bile rose in his mouth. The passenger door was dented into her broken body, her head lolled at an odd angle on her shoulder, her face was bloody from the shattered glass. He noticed that her arms were wrapped around her stomach.

"Angela," he croaked, trying to get her out of the seatbelt. "Baby, please."

There were sirens in the distance and then footsteps coming closer.

Edward kept trying to free her from the seatbelt, begging her to talk, until strong arms pulled him out of the car.

"No! Make sure she's alright!" He fought against the uniformed men.

"Sir, you have to stand still. You're bleeding."

Edward was not aware of any pain, other than not knowing…

"Please, she's pregnant," he insisted.

The EMT took him to the ambulance. Edward kept his eyes on the men prying the passenger door open. They pulled Angela out like a ragged doll.

He choked on his spit when he noticed a large piece of glass lodged in the side of her throat. Her cream dress was now red with her blood. Her hair had escaped the fancy updo and it was also matted with blood.

She lay limply in the other emergency service guy's arms as he brought her to the ambulance.

"No! No, no, no!" Edward pushed away the man tending to his head. He fell in a heap unable to get up. "No. God, no."

That was when his endless nightmare began.

Edward had never let himself care for Subs, not more than it was allowed. Angela had shown him a different way. He could have both – a faithful Sub and a loving girlfriend.

The stay at the hospital had been the worst. He'd been shackled to his bed because he kept attempting to search for her. Edward couldn't conceive that she was gone. He'd killed her.

When he was released from the hospital, Edward distanced himself from everybody. He didn't need anyone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still in shock at the overwhelming amount of attention and love my little story is getting.
> 
> THANK YOU all so much! I read and cherish each and every one review, even though I might not answer back.

The moment Edward stepped into Cullen Industries, it looked like his employees had forgotten about discretion. Most of them stopped working to gawk at him.

Inside the elevator, Edward frowned at the mirror.

"It's the beard, sir," Felix said, slightly amused.

Edward touched his jaw, deciding that he'd have to endure Riley sooner rather than later.

At the top floor, they exited the elevator. Felix slinked away like he usually did.

Edward headed to his office.

He stopped in front of his assistant's desk. To his amusement, she was painting her nails while humming to some pop song playing on the audio system.

"Good morning, Jane," he said jovially.

Jane startled, nearly spilling pink nail polish all over her keyboard. "Sir." She cringed. "Good morning, Mr. Cullen."

"When you're done, I'd like to speak to you." He continued down the corridor, pushing the double doors open.

As the doors closed behind him, he inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly. He loved his job, and it had always saved him from his demons.

If he got lost deep inside the stock market and new possible investments, Edward could move on and try living his life again.

He sat in his leather chair, booting up the laptop which had updates not having been used in so long.

There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?"

Jane walked inside, head down. "That was incredibly out of line of me, sir. I promise not to do it again. Please, _please_ , don't fire me."

"Jane, you weren't expecting me. Hell, I didn't expect to find myself here yesterday." Edward tapped his fingers on the desk, waiting for his laptop to complete the updates. "Do you have your tablet? I'd like to go over what I missed and schedule some meetings."

"Yes, sir." Jane showed him the tablet.

They spent the next two hours going over the finer details of what he'd missed during his self-imposed exile at home. It seemed like Ben had done a superb job at keeping Cullen Industries alive. Edward hadn't once thought that Ben might have it worse than him, considering Angela was his sister.

Edward could vividly remember the day Ben had offered to bring his sister in for an interview when Edward couldn't find the perfect assistant.

Like in some bad movie, Angela had stepped into his office, tripping over her feet. She ended up kneeling in the middle of the room, staring up at him in horror. Ben had helped her up, chiding her softly.

Then, he had hired Jane too, because Angela had become much more than his assistant.

"I'll let you know when I can get meetings scheduled for you with the harbor director and the mayor." Jane stood up, holding the tablet to her chest.

"Thank you, Jane. Oh, and maybe you could call Riley?" Edward asked uncertainly.

"Haircut?" She checked, already typing on her tablet.

"And beard trim," Edward explained, touching his chin.

She smiled softly. "Consider it done, sir. Anything else?"

"No, thank you."

Then, he was alone once again. He spent most of the morning going over his memories of Angela because he was a masochist. He knew it was lunch-time, only because Jane brought him a take-out box of Thai.

By the time Edward decided to call it a day, he'd exchanged several emails with his faithful clients, letting them know he was back in the office.

As he walked to the elevator that evening, he found Ben already there.

"I heard you were back," Ben said in greeting.

"Why didn't you come to see for yourself?"

"I thought it'd be difficult – first day back." Ben shrugged.

They stepped into the elevator, with Felix close behind.

"You good?" Edward caught Ben's eyes.

"Yeah. You?"

"I've been better."

Ben nodded.

"I expect you in my office on Monday morning to tell me what I've missed out on. Jane tried to catch me up on things, but it's not the same."

"Eight o'clock?" Ben checked.

Edward nodded.

The elevator doors opened, and they parted ways.

"Fuck," Edward spat, hurrying to his car. Once in the backseat, with Felix behind the wheel, Edward cleared his throat. "Take me to the bar from last night."

"Is that a good idea, sir?"

"Felix, I pay you to do as I say, not give me life advice."

.

.

.

The door of Eclipse opening at four o'clock in the afternoon let inside too much sun.

Bella squinted at the figure in the doorway. When the door finally shut again, she could see Jake smiling brightly. His smile soon turned into a frown.

"Working so early in the day?"

"Doing the inventory." Bella chewed on the end of her pen. "What's up with you here?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to see how my new bike works." He shrugged, towering over her shoulder. "You need to have some fun."

Bella winced. "Bikes…" She glanced up at him. "Jake, if I never get back on a bike, it'll be too soon."

"Shit, Bells. I'm sorry." Jake touched her shoulder. "I didn't think."

"It's cool. We can hang out on the beach, though?" she suggested. "But I have to be back by six."

"No worries, Boss." He winked, closing her notebook. He grabbed her hand, pulling her up.

"Let me tell Garrett I'm abandoning him," she laughed, rushing to the office area of the pub. Garrett was where she had left him earlier – pouring over the books. "I'll be back later."

He grinned at her. "Have fun!"

Bella blushed, but she nodded. Despite their seven-year age difference, Garrett was the coolest guy. It didn't matter that Bella was the owner of the pub, on paper. Garrett was the one keeping it alive. When her older brother had left a few days after they had found their parents dead, he had left her the pub. She had been too young to know what to do with that kind of baggage, but James's best friend had offered his help.

"I'm ready." Bella skipped to Jake's side.

He took her hand, walking outside.

Bella had to stop and admire Jake's new ride. He had worked hard to get the money to buy his dream bike.

"Regretting your decision?" he teased.

"Not one bit." She shuddered. Unconsciously, she touched her head.

Jake wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissing the scar visible on her temple. "You're tough, Bella."

"I think that's my mantra," she mumbled.

They walked for a while, and then they sat on the sand, watching the ocean. Bella wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her head on Jake's shoulder. He understood her so deeply that there was no need for words between them. They stayed in silence until Bella decided it was time to return to the pub.

Jake was mounting his bike, looking at her in a familiar way. It made Bella's stomach squirm. He'd never give up.

"See you," she whispered, hugging him tightly. She inhaled his leather smell and then kissed his cheek.

"Later." He kissed her forehead.

Bella pulled away from him in time to see a black SUV park in one of the few allotted spaces to the side of the pub. Out stepped none other than Emmett's drunken friend from the night before.

Jake revved the engine, putting his helmet on, and then he was off. Bella coughed at the excess of dust and exhaust fumes.

Emmett's friend appeared out of the smoke, eyeing her with concern, frowning after Jake's bike.

"You okay?" he asked, keeping his eyes on hers.

Damn, he was gorgeous. His green eyes reminded her of tropical forests. He was wearing a fancy suit, which didn't go at all with his unkempt look. He also looked vaguely familiar now that she could see his face better.

"Yeah. So, back to empty another bottle of whiskey?" she teased.

His eyes widened. "Is that how much I drank?"

"Close enough."

"Shit." He closed his eyes for a brief second, and then he unleashed their dazzling power over her. "I'm here to talk to you."

For once, all her rehearsed lines at rejecting the drunks who thought they stood a chance were gone from her mind.

"Is that so?"

A smirk appeared on his face. "Let's start over. My name is Edward Cullen."

"Holy shit!" Bella cupped her mouth. " _The_ Edward Cullen?" she whispered, feeling stupid.

He chuckled. "In the flesh."

"Whoa!" She took a step back. What could Edward Cullen, one of the youngest entrepreneurs in the area, want from her? He had built his company with his best friend and they had achieved success faster than anyone had anticipated.

"I was thinking maybe a coffee? While I explain myself."

"You want a coffee…with me?" She had to clarify it. Guys never asked her out. If they did, they had darker intentions. Maybe he did, too.

Bella knew she was hot, though she rarely cared about what others thought. She'd learned how to keep them away.

"Bella! You can chit-chat with them at the bar!" Garrett called from the door. "Paul's not coming tonight."

"Aw, man!" Bella gave Edward a tight smile. "I have to…" She pointed toward the door.

Edward nodded, following her inside.

"I hope you're not opposed to coffee at the bar, and you not having my undivided attention?" Bella asked.

"I understand."

He took the seat at the corner of the bar, and Bella worked on his coffee. Since he was the only customer for now, she placed the cup in front of him, leaning her elbows on the counter.

She had no idea why he was interested in her.

"It's Bella, right?" he asked, accepting the coffee.

"Yeah. But you already knew that. You asked me last night."

"I did?" He looked shocked.

"Granted, it was after your seventh Old Fashioned, before you decided to move on to Godfathers."

Edward closed his eyes, wincing. "I was a mess last night."

"Yeah, well…it's not my business as long as you keep _my_ business going." She winked, mortified with her bad flirting.

A sly smile appeared on his face. "Too bad I'm not your guy to keep the business going. That was a one-time thing."

"Oh? What's this?" She gestured to his drink.

"This is a coffee, and if I order as many to match the whiskey from last night, I'd worry for my heart."

Bella noticed a couple entering the pub. She gestured to them awkwardly, abandoning Edward.

She still couldn't believe the successful businessman was inside her pub. She'd heard he'd lost his girlfriend some months ago in a bad car accident. His actions from the previous night were justified.

When she was done with the customers, she returned to his side, smiling.

"So you know Emmett?"

"I think I should be the one asking that," he said seriously.

"He used to come here most of the time, but then, I guess he decided being with his girl was more fun. I don't blame him."

"Here is fun, too," Edward smiled. "I had no idea how much fun until last night."

Bella was dying to ask about the blonde woman, who she'd thought to be Edward's girlfriend, but she had turned out to be with Emmett.

Bella twirled a stray strand of hair from her ponytail around her finger, chewing on her lip. There was something about Edward that kept her away. His intense green gaze, for starters; but then, his set jaw made her keep her distance, too, even though she'd have liked to freely flirt with him, like she did with many guys who crossed the threshold of Eclipse. There was no harm in flirting.

The big guy from the previous night came to Edward. He leaned over his shoulder, whispering into his ear.

"When," Edward barked, stiffening.

The guy checked his watch. "Ten minutes ago."

"You waited ten minutes to tell me that she's in my house?" he shouted, standing up so fast Bella jumped back. "What the hell is she doing there?"

"Mrs. Cullen heard from your sister that you were…better." The man took a step back, eyeing Edward worriedly.

"Fuck." Edward spun toward Bella, and pulled a twenty out of his wallet, placing it next to his half-drunk coffee. "Another time, Bella."

He led the way outside, complaining loudly about not getting a break.

The coffee barely cost five dollars, so Bella decided to keep the change and give it back to him the next time he came by. Fifteen dollars was too much for a tip. She also noticed a simple, white business card. His name was written in cursive handwriting under his phone number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of updating twice a week? Wednesdays and Saturdays, I'm thinking...
> 
> For teasers check the FB groups: 'It All Started With Twilight' and 'The No Rules Twilight Fan Fiction Group' - the teaser will probably come one day before the update so stay tuned.
> 
> Also, check my FB group for pictures: 'addict_writer fanfiction'


	3. Chapter 3

All the way to his house, Edward fumed.

He'd planned to make a cameo appearance at dinner on Saturday – the next day. He might as well not go now, and he'd have to kick his mother out again.

Edward stepped into his house, looking around, expecting his mother to be waiting for him at the door. When there was no sign of her, he realized Tanya had worked her magic again.

"We need to talk about a raise, Tanya. Your power of saying no to my mother is outstanding!" he exclaimed, walking into the kitchen. He stopped short, though, staring in shock at none other than his mother sitting at the kitchen island. "Fuck."

Her yellow purse was next to her, a glass of lemonade in front of her.

"Mom," he gritted out.

She stood up slowly, keeping her eyes on him. She walked to him with her arms extended. He braced himself for her embrace. Why didn't anyone understand that he fucking hated being touched?

She might have seen something in his eyes, because at the last moment, a hand lifted to touch his cheek and the other took his hand.

"Edward, honey…"

He cleared his throat, keeping his eyes on her caramel ones. He'd associated that shade of brown with caramel candy since he was five. He'd never seen more beautiful eyes on anyone else.

Until Bella.

That shade of brown of hers appeared almost golden in the afternoon's sunlight earlier, only to turn into melted chocolate when they had stepped inside the pub.

Edward closed his eyes, willing himself to attempt to not think of her for five minutes. She was invading his every thought, slowly becoming an obsession. He'd never been so invested in having a woman as his.

"You look good, kiddo. I had this image of you skinnier than ever and wallowing in misery."

"Mom, I'm allowed to wallow in misery. I killed my reason to exist," he deadpanned. "As for the skinny part? Tanya force-fed me at times."

His mother giggled a little, before pulling him closer and hugging him tighter. "I've missed you."

Now, being surrounded by her sweet scent, Edward sagged into the hug, even returned it. He'd never spent so much time apart from his family. Except when he was twenty, but he'd rather not revisit that time.

"I heard you went to work."

Edward went to the fridge, smiling when he found a dish of casserole with a note pinned to it. _Eat me._ He pulled it out, turning to heat it in the microwave oven.

"Yeah. It wasn't that bad."

"Does this mean we're going to see you again? Your father wanted to tell you in person, but I advised him that you wouldn't want to."

"Tell me what?" Edward frowned, taking his food to the kitchen island.

"There's an auction event for the hospital next weekend. It'd mean the world to him if you showed up."

"Where?" Edward cut a bite of the chicken, turning to his mother when she didn't answer. She was staring at him with wide eyes. "What? Please, don't say anything." He could tell she was going to say something about Angela.

"I don't know why I expected you to make a slow recovery. Of course, you'd jump right in and get on with your life."

"Slow recovery?" Edward snorted. "What part of the past five months have you missed, Mother?"

"We expected you to keep on living, but never be the same," she admitted in a small voice.

"Trust me, I'm not the same." He pushed the plate away. "I'll discuss the auction with dad tomorrow." He stood, prompting his mother to mirror his action. "Dinner at yours?" He raised a brow when she didn't say anything.

"Of course," she nodded, clearly surprised.

"Let me walk you out."

Edward tried to contain his anger, as he walked behind his mother. No one would ever understand the depth of his relationship with Angela. He didn't expect them to.

Many people in his life knew he could be a control freak, as they loved to call him, and some believed that side of him was part of his love life, too, but few really knew exactly how much he loved control.

"Dinner starts at seven."

"I know, Mom." Edward kissed her cheek at the front door.

He watched her from the door as she climbed inside the large SUV he and his father had bought for her several years ago. He smiled, remembering how outraged Angela had been. She had kept telling him that normal people didn't get cars for their birthdays. She had never grasped how he worked and that all his actions were based on how much he cared for the people around him.

Edward shut the door, keeping his palm on the wood part of it. Then, he made a fist of his hand, slamming it against the door. Sadly, it went through the glass part.

"Fuck."

The sound of shattering glass alerted Tanya, who seemed to have a super sense when he was injuring himself. Like when he'd tried to drown in the pool back in February, or that time he'd been too drunk to open the pill bottle he had intended to ingest with the rest of the whiskey in the bottle.

There were times when he believed Tanya was his guardian angel.

"Sir!" Tanya gasped from behind, hurrying toward him.

"I'm fine," he snapped, storming toward his room, leaving a trail of blood droplets all over the white marble floor.

As he kept his right hand under the faucet, watching the blood going down the drain, Edward decided it was time to find a different way to channel his anger. If anything happened to him… he wouldn't cause his family the pain he felt for losing Angela.

Tanya knocked on the door, keeping her eyes on him through the glass peep window in the door.

It made Edward question his sanity for the amount of windows and glass in the house. It looked sleek and modern, but there was no fucking privacy.

She came into the bathroom, even though he never invited her.

"Sit." She pointed to the ottoman near the bathtub. "I thought you were over self-inflicted injures."

"I thought you were used to this. I think you get a kick out of tending to my cuts and bruises."

Tanya huffed, kneeling at his side and working on cleaning the cuts on his hand. He kept his eyes on the gash on the side of his hand, running down to his wrist.

"I couldn't tell your mother to leave this time. Mrs. Cullen was so happy to hear you were better, asking for how long you've been better." She kept her head down as she spoke.

"I _am_ better," Edward admitted. "Shit. That stings." He stared at his hand, as Tanya disinfected the cut.

"Maybe you should see your father, sir. This cut is really deep."

"Just put a Band-Aid over it."

.

.

.

Later that night, Edward knew he'd need normalcy to be able to keep living his life and endure the pain of losing Angela. He hadn't lied to his mother when he had said that, if he were back, he'd be back full force.

Edward decided an email was less personal and a better choice than a text message. A phone call was out of question, because Jasper would start picking through his head making him go ten steps back into his depression.

 **From:** Edward Cullen  
 **To:** Jasper Whitlock  
 **Date:** 10 Jun 2020, 10:17 PM

_Hello Jasper,_

_I've read through the emails you sent me and I'm grateful for them. It helped that you kept it professional and seemed to know exactly what to say. Of course, you'd know. It's your job._

_I'm finally returning your emails because I've decided to stop wallowing in self-pity and misery._

_What do you say about Sunday morning?_

_I know it's a weekend day, but I won't take much of your time._

_Tell Alice I said hi._

_Your friend,  
Edward_

Edward sent the email and then closed the laptop, pushing it to the right side of the bed.

He stared out the large glass wall overlooking the ocean until sleep took him.

Unfortunately, the same nightmare he always had, awoke him before the sun was up. Edward sat up in bed, gripping his hair, allowing a tear to roll down his nose and splash on the white bedsheet.

By the time he reached the kitchen, he'd composed himself. After a glass of orange juice, he hit the beach for his morning jog. He chose a different route, headed to the populated area, instead of the wild beach to the right side of his house.

It was too early for the usual crowd, except for the lone jogger like himself.

Edward regretted taking his iPod with him, because all the songs reminded him of Angela. She had selected them carefully, and then divided them into different playlists. He was currently listening to the 'Morning Jog' songs.

Currently, a song he wouldn't have chosen himself was playing loudly. The lyrics hit too close to home.

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger_

_Stand a little taller_

_Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone_

_What doesn't kill you makes a fighter_

_Footsteps even lighter_

_Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone_

He was so focused on the lyrics, twisting them for his situation, that he failed to notice or hear the warning shout. Edward found himself on his back, with a large dog on top of him, lapping at his face.

Edward pulled an earbud out in time to see none other than Bella running toward him with a leash in her hand.

"Hold him!" she cried out.

Edward grabbed the back of the dog's neck, turning his head to the side.

"You're dead, mutt!" she barked, kneeling next to Edward. Her hands tangled in the reddish fur of the Husky, pulling him to her. The dog's ears were plastered to his head, his eyes begging for mercy.

Edward was mesmerized by their color – they were almost the same golden shade he'd seen in Bella's in the sun.

She put the collar and leash back on the dog.

"Sorry for this," she grumbled.

"It's not every day when a dog knocks me down," Edward laughed, sitting up slowly. He patted the dog's head, making him jerk toward Edward for more licks.

"Harley!" she snapped. "Down." She pointed to the sand between them. The dog lay there, huffing. "God, I regret getting him. He never listens to me."

"I see he does," Edward commented, still surprised Bella owned a dog. He didn't take her as an animal person.

"I guess I was too lonely. He's alright most of the time. The walks are still a problem, though."

"So… _Harley_?"

Bella's cheeks turned red. "It was a terrible choice. He lives up to his name. Strong and fast, like a Harley."

"Mind if I join your walk?" Edward asked, getting up. He reached down, holding out his hand for Bella.

She eyed it dubiously, and almost reticently, she took it. Her hand was so small in his large one.

Edward had never imagined feeling that warmth spread through his body. He was sure all his feelings had died with Angela.

"If you don't mind me shouting at Harley every other minute?" She looked at him through her lashes.

"Maybe I could help? I used to have a dog when I was younger. He died a few years ago."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. That must have been horrible."

"It was. But when I left for college, he lived with my parents, so I didn't see him much." Edward wasn't sure why he decided to talk about college, even in passing. Next time he revisited those memories, it would still be too soon.

He wrapped the earbuds' wire around the iPod, pocketing the device. He took the leash from Bella's hand.

"He's really strong," she warned.

"I think I can handle him," Edward chuckled. "Harley, up," he said, dropping his voice.

The dog immediately stood, looking at him. Edward smiled, catching Bella's amazed eyes. "Come," he said, expecting both of them to walk.

Bella kept staring at her dog in amazement, as they walked slowly down the beach.

It was in that moment when Edward allowed his eyes to wander away from her face. She was wearing a large shirt that knotted at her side. He could spy a scar on her side, disappearing into her jean shorts. She had Chucks on her feet.

"So, you jog?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Most mornings," he admitted. He'd missed the early morning air, the ocean's smell, and the empty beach during his time spent cooped up in the house, drinking his sorrows away.

"I see. I wish I could jog, too, but he'd drag me all over the beach like in those bad movies."

"I doubt it. Look how well he's walking," Edward said. It was true. Harley was walking at his feet, not pulling or trying to run away.

"He just hates me. He always listens to men better, anyway." She shrugged. "You should see me tell him to get off the couch at home, and when Jake tells him, Harley gets on his blanket, looking like an angel."

"Maybe you need to be more authoritative?"

"Believe me, I'm trying. But Harley's the alpha and he thinks I'm his bitch," she scowled. "He probably expects me to kneel at his feet and worship him."

Edward laughed loudly. Funny how Bella how mentioned that so casually…

"Teach him he should be the one kneeling and worshipping you."

"I'm trying. We're getting along better now that he's three years old."

Edward saw a small café on the side of the road. "What about that coffee?" He nodded in that direction.

"With Harley?"

"I don't mind him. If you don't want the coffee…"

"I'm paying. You left too much for a tip yesterday."

Edward frowned. "That tip was for you. I'm paying. What kind of douchebag do you think I am to allow the lady to pay?"

"Dude, this is the twenty-first century. Men stay at home to raise kids while women go to work."

"Call me old fashioned," he muttered, walking toward the café.

"Just like your favorite drink?" she teased.

Edward smirked. "Don't worry about Harley. I'll show you he can wait patiently while we have coffee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you in my FB group for pics: addict_writer fanfiction  
> Next update on Wednesday :)


	4. Chapter 4

First, Bella was mortified that Harley had jumped on Edward, knocking him to the ground.

Second, and Bella wasn't sure how it had happened, but she was going to have coffee with Edward Cullen.

Third, he was the most confident and intimidating man she'd ever met.

Something about him kept her from protesting about paying for herself.

They sat on the patio with iced coffees in front of them. Harley was curled under Edward's chair near a bowl of water. Bella still couldn't believe Harley would listen to a virtual stranger.

"At what time does Eclipse close?"

That question was so random, not at all what Bella had expected.

"Around two to three o'clock every morning. Why?"

"You look rested. I was surprised."

"I got a couple of hours of shut eye. I plan on catching more sleep when I return from walking Harley. He usually waits for me to take him out on my own time, but I guess he had to potty really bad today." Bella could feel a blush covering her face when speaking about her dog's potty time.

Edward brought the straw to his mouth, and Bella forgot to breathe. How could that innocent gesture look so goddamn erotic? She stared, transfixed by his full lips wrapped around the straw, his intense green eyes on hers. A smile appeared on his face, and Bella was sure her desire was visible on her own.

She had never found another man desirable enough to be so turned on. She was grateful for wearing pants, as she rubbed her thighs together, hoping to relieve some of the tension.

"So, you like bikes?" Edward lifted a brow.

Bella choked on the sip of iced coffee she had unwisely taken before he asked that. "What makes you think that?" She wasn't proud of how her voice squeaked.

"Well, I thought it was something you liked. Your dog is named after the best motorbike brand out there. Your boyfriend owns one."

"My boyfriend?" Bella squeaked again. "Oh, you mean Jake? He's my best friend, not my boyfriend."

"I see. So, do you?" he insisted, unleashing the power of his eyes on her.

Bella looked away, gathering her thoughts. She was surprised that she wanted to tell him the truth.

"I do, though bikes and I have a love-hate relationship."

"Is that possible?" Edward chuckled, intrigued.

Bella bit her bottom lip, glancing at him. "Well…I was angry for a long time. I wanted to rebel and do all the bad things in the book."

"You, a rebel?" He almost mocked her, but his eyes held curiosity.

Bella sucked down half of her glass through the straw. "Did you hear about the…" she stopped, taking a shuddering breath, "…the gas leakage at the Swan house some years ago?"

"Who hasn't heard of the chief of police's death?" Edward sat up straighter in his chair, his eyes widening. "Your family?"

"You guessed it," she mumbled. "My brother left town afterwards. I had to go through all the hell alone. Well, I had Jake and his dad, but it wasn't what I needed, _who_ I needed. So, I started doing every bad thing in the book – from skipping school to drinking, getting tattoos and riding bikes.

"When I was eighteen, I hooked up with this biker in the office at Eclipse. He took me on rides along the beach. It was cool…until he allowed me to ride his bike, and I hit the brake too harshly. The bike jerked to a stop, throwing me over the helm. The last thing I remember is a large rock approaching my face. I woke up in the hospital." Bella leaned forward, showing Edward the side of her head that held the scar. "If it'd been a little further up here…"

"Jesus." Edward stared at her in shock. "What did the guy with the bike do?"

"He went back to his family on the other side of the country," Bella whispered. "He was part of a bikers' gang who were travelling places. I didn't expect it to last. Call it a summer fling," she shrugged.

"He left after you cracked your head?"

"He stuck around for a few days, but he really had to go back. Anyway, that was the last time I got on a bike. There's this strange adrenaline that courses through me when I see and hear a bike…but when I go near it, panic hits."

"I know what you mean," he admitted. His expression was so raw and open. "You probably heard of my accident some months ago."

"I don't read the paper, but everyone was talking about it. I work in a pub. Do the math."

He winced. "Yeah. So, your fear of bikes is familiar. I feel the same about cars. But I confronted my demons and got in a car with Emmett for the first time in five months. He's a decent driver, but I was still on guard, expecting…" He looked down, closing his eyes.

"Whoa." Bella pulled her chair closer, nearly stepping on her dog's tail. She placed a hand over Edward's forearm. "Did you try driving?"

He shook his head, keeping his eyes on her hand touching him. "But you've reminded me of an alternative I hadn't thought about." He lifted his eyes to meet hers. "I have to go over to a friend's house tomorrow, and I'd rather not drag my driver with me. I might take my bike out for a ride. It's been too long since I rode it."

"Is it in good working condition?" she asked, afraid. "Jake owns a garage specialized in repairing bikes. You shouldn't ride it if you haven't in a while. At least, not until you've had it checked."

"That's a good idea," Edward nodded.

"I could give you Jake's number? Or…I could take you there?" she offered shyly.

"If you're not too busy, and I'm not keeping you from sleep, I'd rather if you showed me there."

.

.

.

Edward stepped back into his house with a skip.

"Morning!" he greeted Tanya with a smile, accepting the plate of omelet she uncovered for him.

"Good morning. Did you jog to Camarillo and back?"

"I got distracted," he answered truthfully.

He couldn't wait for Bella to arrive later and take him to her friend's. Maybe he would show that douche his intentions were clear. He'd seen them the previous day, and judging by Bella's words, he was only her friend, but it was clear the guy wanted more.

"I see that," Tanya nodded.

After a shower, Edward checked his email. Sure enough, there was a reply from Jasper. He would be waiting for him on Sunday at nine o'clock in the morning. Edward replied to confirm his presence before he dug in his closet for the leather pants he hadn't worn in years.

Angela had never liked the bike, so once their relationship had turned into more, he had decided he could live without riding if she didn't like it.

He was searching for the gloves when someone knocked on his room door.

"Yes?" he called, digging through a drawer.

Felix opened the door, unable to conceal his surprise at Edward's attire. "Boss?"

"Felix? Ha!" Edward found the gloves, turning to face his man. "Yes, Felix?"

He seemed to snap out of it. "Right. I'm taking Tanya to the store – grocery shopping."

"Okay." That was great news. They wouldn't know of Bella's arrival if they left soon. "I don't need your assistance today."

"Clearly." Felix smirked, but he regained his composure. "Of course, sir."

"Now, go on. Oh, and restock the booze, please."

Felix nodded, retreating down the hallway.

As Edward walked through the house to the garage, he found himself being excited about seeing Bella. He hadn't been excited to do something in too long. It was a nice feeling.

He rolled his bike into the driveway, as Tanya and Felix were leaving. He ignored their curious looks.

Edward ran a hand over the dust-free seats, knowing Tanya had kept her clean. She kept the whole house clean, in between putting up with his bullshit.

The sound of an engine approaching alerted him that Bella had found the house. He'd tried to explain as best as possible. Most newcomers to his house got lost, but not her.

Edward looked up to see what car she was driving, and he almost died. That car belonged in a collector's garage, not on the streets. As much as Edward loved old cars, he never expected to see Bella driving a Nova. The pale green was rusting here and there, but the car looked in good condition otherwise.

She parked in Felix's usual spot.

Edward went to open the door for her, smiling as her curious and amused eyes met his. He'd been raised well, and he'd do anything to have her as his. Now that he knew his lifestyle could have more, he was willing to include that in his life. Angela had taught him so much.

"Nice car," he commented, leaning inside once she stepped out. He whistled appreciatively, as he took in the classic muscle car.

"Another souvenir from my brother." She shrugged. "That's your bike?" She walked closer, and Edward noticed she'd changed her clothes.

She was wearing a short denim skirt and a white top, paired with her Chucks. Her hair was almost knotted at the top of her head.

"Ducati?" She peered to read the letters on the side of the bike. "Power?"

Edward had to remember she knew cars and bikes, and she showed it when he told her the specs of the XDiavel S.

"Okay, so, you'll follow me to the garage?" she asked, smoothing her skirt in what looked like a nervous gesture.

"I was thinking maybe you'd ride with me, and then I'll bring you back to your car."

"I think I told you how I feel about bikes," she wrapped her arms around herself.

"If you don't confront your fears, you'll never get past that fear. It'll always hold you back."

Bella chewed through her bottom lip. "Got another helmet?"

Edward expected rejection, but she surprised him. "Give me a minute."

He went back into the garage and returned with his black helmet and the red one Angela had never used.

"Jake's gonna faint," she said, giggling.

Edward mounted the bike, making sure it started. The roar of the engine between his legs was a feeling he had missed. He turned to ask if Bella was ready, only to find her already climbing behind him.

"Oh," she breathed out.

"Comfy?" he checked.

She shifted around, trying to find the best position. "Yeah."

"Careful where you keep your feet."

"It's not my first time, Edward."

It startled him that he wasn't insanely mad at her for calling him by his name. He had yet to tell her everything, because he wanted it all with her.

That brazenness of hers would get her in trouble with his hand, but that thought was for another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you on Saturday. =)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the feedback! I enjoy reading your theories and thoughts on the story. Keep them coming.
> 
> Time to meet Jake. =)

Bella clung to him throughout the ride to the garage, only pointing the direction he should take, or tapping his left or right arm. Edward liked her small, warm body pressed against his back.

He'd never ridden the bike with anyone else, and it was an experience. Jasper had been right in telling him that nothing compared to the feeling of a woman's body wrapped around him, clutching to him, trusting him not to crash.

In that moment, Edward realized how blindly Bella trusted him. Bikes were her greatest fear, from what he'd gathered. Yet, she'd hopped on his bike without much prodding on his part.

In front of the garage, he parked near the door. Bella unfolded her body from around him, taking the helmet off, and then she unceremoniously puked in the bushes to their left.

"Fuck." Edward got off the bike, taking his helmet off and hanging it by the handle. "Bella?" He went to her side, holding the stray strands of hair from her face.

"It's my fault," she whimpered.

"Did I go too fast?"

"It's not you. It's me," she snorted, standing up.

Edward offered her a paper tissue.

"I forgot my purse in the car."

"Don't worry, it won't be stolen. Come on." He wrapped an arm around her small body, leading her to the door.

The bell jingled, alerting her friend of their presence.

"Whoa, Bella! I wasn't expect…" Jake stopped short, staring at Edward. He didn't seem to notice his friend wasn't well.

"Maybe some water for Bella?" Edward snapped.

"I'm fine. Adrenaline rush," she mumbled. She accepted the bottle of water from her friend. "So, Jake… This is Edward. Can you check his bike?"

Edward stepped forward, hand outstretched. "Edward Cullen. I haven't used it in about three years, I think. It's still working."

"Or we wouldn't have made it here." Bella rolled her eyes.

"Jacob Black. Bikes' doctor," Jake introduced himself, turning to Bella. "What did you just say?"

"I guess it's time I get over my fear of bikes. You know I love them."

"You rode a stranger's bike?" Jacob roared, taking a step closer to her, invading her space.

Couldn't the douchebag see she wasn't well? Couldn't he tell her how proud he was of her for confronting her fears? What a lousy friend.

"This way," Edward demanded, already heading to the door.

"This isn't over, Bells."

"Stop acting like my father! Or worse, my controlling boyfriend. You're neither!" she shouted.

" _That_! That's your problem," Jacob snapped. "You don't care about yourself. It'd kill me if something happened to you. You swore off bikes when it nearly killed you!"

"I didn't ride it. Edward did. I was safe. Lay off my back, Jake!"

"I think it's wise if you listen to her," Edward said slowly, trying to keep his temper in check. He'd give anything to punch that idiot in the face.

During Jacob's examination of his bike, the tension could be cut with a knife. Jacob worked on changing the oil and making sure the brakes worked well, before telling Edward it was in better condition than many bikes not used for so long.

After paying the tab, Edward couldn't wait to get out of there. Bella made him wait outside, because she had to talk in private with her friend.

When she finally joined him, her eyes were red-rimmed. Edward felt a surge of anger, but he decided to deal with Jacob another time. Bella was strapping on her helmet, ready to climb behind him.

Her eyes met his. "I know you drove with precaution on the way here. Now that you know the bike is in great shape, please feel free to push it to the limit."

Edward frowned, not liking the destructive instinct Bella had in her. She'd cope with her problems much better if he could assist with her deepest desires, which she was absolutely unaware of.

He'd have to talk to Jasper about the best way to approach this subject with her. Bella didn't strike him as the kind of girl to be understanding of his lifestyle. He'd need to readjust and possibly forget some of his rules if he wanted her in his life.

He took the long way back home, enjoying the adrenaline rush of riding his bike again. Bella's arms loosened their grip at some point, but he was extra aware of her body pressed tightly against his.

At a large U-turn in the road leading to his house, Bella's hands grabbed the hem of his jacket. Her hands were so close to his groin, and Edward understood for the first time what Jasper kept complaining about. Riding the bike with wood was the worst experience ever.

At home, he found Felix's car was parked in front of the garage, since his usual spot was taken by Bella's car. But what worried Edward was Emmett's familiar Jeep right behind Bella's Nova.

Bella climbed down, taking the helmet off. She swayed a little, and Edward was quick to grab her elbow.

"Do you feel faint?" he asked, worried.

The color was draining rapidly from her cheeks.

"I'm dizzy," she admitted in a small voice. "There are two of you."

Edward climbed down, kicking the stand. He placed the helmets on the seat, and then he wrapped an arm around Bella's shoulder.

"Come inside. You need some sugar in your system."

Halfway to the front door, which was only a few feet away, Bella's body leaned into his.

"I'm going to faint."

"Now?" he asked incredulously. But his reflexes were quick to catch her before she hit the gravel.

Fucking shit.

Edward elbowed the door open, seeing Emmett and Tanya in the kitchen. They looked up in time to see him carrying Bella to the sitting room.

Edward placed her on the large L-shaped couch, stroking her hair out of her eyes. She blinked a little, a weak moan escaping her lips.

He turned to tell Tanya to bring a glass of soda, but she was already behind him with a bottle of cola. He tried to smile in thanks, knowing the inquisition was waiting for when they'd be alone.

Uncapping the bottle, he handed it to Bella, who was sitting up, looking around with curious brown eyes.

"Try to drink. Small sips," he instructed.

She turned her eyes to his, holding his gaze, as she sipped from the bottle. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

The color was returning to her cheeks, which was a good sign.

"Do you usually faint in men's arms?" he teased, taking the bottle and placing it on the coffee table.

"It was the ride, and you know it." Her voice was still lifeless, which proved to Edward she wasn't well yet.

"What's going on here?" Emmett demanded, probably losing patience with being blatantly ignored.

Bella choked on her spit, looking at him in shock.

Edward stood up, turning to face him, blocking his view of Bella. "I wasn't aware you were scheduled today."

He huffed, rolling his eyes. "Like I have to schedule a visit. We're practically family." He walked closer, sitting close to Bella. "You didn't answer. Why is Bella here?"

"I think you shouldn't crowd her. She just fainted earlier," Edward snapped.

"We bumped into each other earlier on the beach. I offered to take him to a bike mechanic," Bella supplied.

"Oh, right." Emmett's excited eyes met Edward's. "Bro, she knows bikes. There was a gang in the bar a couple of years ago, arguing about what could be wrong with one of their rides. And Bella places their drinks in front of them and then tells them that it sounded like the chain was poorly lubricated. She delved into this mind-blowing explanation of how it could snap if they didn't keep it lubricated."

Edward noticed Bella's face turning an unhealthy shade of red.

"Yeah, so?" she huffed. "You're related?" she finally asked, after tearing her glaring eyes off Emmett.

"Soon, Mr. Broody here will become my brother-in-law."

Edward clenched his jaw. This was not how he expected to spend his day. "Why are you here?" he repeated.

"You told Rosie we'd meet and go tux shopping." Emmett's blue eyes found his. "I hope you weren't lying to placate her."

"I told her that I have a variety of suits and tuxes. I don't need a new one." Edward sat on Bella's other side. "I was under the impression you already had yours."

"I do," Emmett nodded, a frown appearing between his brows as he stared at them.

Edward's eyes cut to the front door, and then they narrowed at the oaf.

"I guess I'll see you later at dinner?" He got up, taking the hint that he was unwelcome.

"Yes."

"What should I tell Rosie?" he asked, hovering in the entryway.

"If you don't have the balls to tell her the truth, I guess you're not ready to commit yourself to her forever," Edward muttered. His relationship with his sister had always been difficult, but he loved her, even as tenacious as she could be. Emmett was the only guy she had brought home that Edward had accepted for her. Emmett could be childish at times, but they were a good match, balancing each other.

"Not the tough little brother act again," Emmett complained, making Edward stride to his side.

"Just get out, Emmett. I'm busy."

Emmett's eyes shot behind Edward's shoulder, and then they fixed on his face. "Dude, I've known Bella for over three years. She doesn't date, and she's not interested in anyone."

"Let me be the judge of that."

Emmett turned to leave, but he stopped at the door with his hand on the knob. "Isn't it too soon?"

"Get. OUT!" Edward shouted, making Emmett's eyes widen as he disappeared.

Edward resisted the urge to smash his hand through the door again. He noticed the glass had been replaced. Felix had taken care of it, most likely.

When he spun on his heels to return to Bella, he found her right behind him. "Shit." He took a step back.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't worry about it. How are you feeling?"

"Much better. Really, I'm sorry…I made you fight with your friend. I thought I was ready to ride a bike again, but I guess…" Her chin was tucked in her chest, as she spoke in a small voice.

Edward walked closer, placing a finger under her chin, tilting her head up. Her brown eyes were wet. The internal struggle was visible in the melted chocolate.

"Have you ever thought about giving up control? Forgetting about your troubles?" He kept his voice low and soft.

She gasped, taking a step back. "I'm not that depressed to commit suicide."

Edward tried not to snort in amusement. "That's not what I meant."

"Then, what did you mean?" Her voice was small still.

"Think about it. Let me know." He rubbed her cheek with his thumb.

"I should go. Harley's been alone for too long."

Edward allowed her to go, knowing her dog being alone was the worst excuse she could come up with. He walked her to the car.

"Think you can drive?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. Thank you." She didn't meet his eyes.

"Thank _you_ ," he insisted. "For reminding me I have another option besides having to suffer during car rides every day."

A small smile spread on her lips. "I missed riding on a bike," she admitted.

"When you feel adventurous again, I'll be here to take you for another ride."

Her blush spread down her neck. "Bye, Edward." She ducked inside her car.

Edward noticed how her hands gripped the steering wheel, and he smirked, knowing how he affected her. Still, he was amazed that not a part of him was upset over her addressing him by his name.

_It's in the way she says your name, the nuances…that's when you know she's the one._

Edward thought of Jasper's advice from long ago.

With Angela, it had been hard for him to accept her calling him by his name, and she didn't do it often, knowing it upset him.

With Bella, it felt as easy as breathing.

Edward stood in the driveway, watching as she drove away, and he hoped it wasn't the last time he'd see her. Before he'd see Jasper and ask for his advice, he had to endure dinner at his parents' house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For pictures, don't forget to check my FB group.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep an eye on the breadcrumbs I left throughout the chapter. =)

Bella's hands shook, as she drove away from Edward Cullen. The effect he had over her body and mind was unbelievable. No one had ever had that kind of power over her. He hadn't even touched her, not like her body yearned for, yet she was a quivering mess.

A squeal escaped her lips when she hit the Highway 101. She'd been on a bike again, and nothing terrible had happened, except for her embarrassing herself by vomiting then fainting.

"Ugh," she groaned, glaring at the road ahead. Edward's house was on the edge of town, surrounded by luxurious vegetation. The house itself was state of the art, made of glass and steel, so modern and sleek. She had spied some stone steps, most likely leading to the beach below.

What she had seen of the inside of the house had proved what great taste Edward had. Everything was modern, from the automatic porch light, which had sprung to life when it sensed movement, to the white marble covering the entire ground floor. The large gray couch occupied not even a third of the spacious living room, but being placed in the center of the room, it gave an even larger impression of the room's size. A glass coffee table was in front of the couch, sitting on a soft black rug. The fireplace was more for show, because Bella was sure no wood went into the sleek, glass fixture. Maybe it was electrical, probably like everything else in the house.

On the way out, she had noticed the huge kitchen made of black onyx, equipped with modern devices. She had also seen a blonde woman staring at her in shock.

Bella had no idea who she was to Edward, but it was clear that he was interested in getting to know Bella, so there shouldn't have been anyone else in his life. Maybe that woman was part of his staff. Bella couldn't imagine him cooking for himself or cleaning that house.

She didn't know a thing about relationships.

Her best friends were all boys. She didn't have any girlfriends, unless she counted Garrett's girl. Kate was as much of a tomboy as Bella was, but she lived in Camarillo.

Bella had only had one good female friend in high school, but then she'd dropped out and had lost all contact with Angela Weber.

She needed girl talk more than ever, and her only friend willing to listen to her whine was currently not speaking to her. She still couldn't believe what an ass Jake had been, making too much of a big deal out of her riding with Edward. It scared her how much she trusted Edward, but it didn't give Jake the right to act all possessive of her. She had seen how it upset Edward the way Jake treated her, but he was more mature than to pick a fight with a stranger.

Edward would probably never go to Jake's again if he needed help with his bike, and she didn't blame him.

At home, Harley greeted her enthusiastically.

"Sit." She pointed to the floor, and surprisingly, he listened. She leaned against the door, sliding down to the floor. "What am I doing, Harley?"

Like always, he was her shoulder to cry on. If the poor dog were human, he'd need therapy with all the shit she'd told him over the years. Thankfully, he was always eager to lift her mood.

At the moment, he shuffled closer, placing his big head on her lap, looking at her curiously. He'd seen her falling apart many times, but every time, he was just as curious, nosing at her wet face.

Bella usually tried not to think about _what ifs_ , but in that very moment, she needed her brother more than ever.

James's girlfriend had always wanted to become an actress, and not three days after losing their parents, James had brought her to this very studio. He'd placed three sets of keys in her hand: for the studio, for the bar, and for his car. Then, he was gone with that vile woman Bella had come to hate with all her being. Victoria had taken her only ray of hope in the darkness. James was gone, too, and she was left all alone at seventeen.

Bella sobbed into Harley's fur, hugging him tightly. For once, he didn't squirm away from the affection.

"Did you like Edward?" she asked softly. "You did. You were such a good boy for him."

It took longer than usual for Bella to compose herself. She brushed her tears away on the way to the small bathroom.

As she stared at her blotchy reflection, she had no idea what that gorgeous man could see in her. It was clear he wanted her, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't want him, too. Even if it would be a fling until he got her out of his system, as it had happened with all the bad boys she'd met before, she'd take whatever time he would decide to spend with her.

Bella undressed slowly, a shiver running through her, as she accidentally brushed her fingers against the scar on her side. It could not be hidden by her hair, not like the one on her temple, and no tattoo artist would agree to go anywhere near it. Only Leah had agreed to add something above the ugly scar to make it look like the scar was the flat line on a heart monitor, and then it continued in curves, as if the person's heart had restarted.

Leah had also done the dandelion and birds on her right shoulder, and even though Bella wasn't her greatest fan, the woman knew her way with the needle gun.

The rose on her left foot, winding up around her ankle and set in a vine of thorns, had been her first tattoo, done a few towns over during her time with Harold. He'd always told her that she was a delicate rose, yet it was difficult to get past the thorns to see the beauty. She'd liked the comparison so much that he came up with that idea of a tattoo when he'd decided to get another one.

She rarely allowed people to see her tats because they were personal, and she hated answering stupid questions about their meaning.

She had to think about Edward's words regarding giving up control and feeling free, but she'd never been more confused in her life. If he hadn't suggested to her to off herself, then what the hell had he meant?

After a hot shower, Bella fell on the bed, still wrapped in her towel. Harley curled up at her feet as she fell asleep, dreaming of a pair of intense green eyes.

.

.

.

Edward regretted giving Felix the night off and taking his bike to his parents' house. It disabled him from doing what he wanted the most: to empty the bottle of whiskey sitting to his left on the table.

At least Emmett had been a good sport and hadn't told Rosalie anything about Bella.

Currently, his mother and sister had retreated somewhere private to talk more about Rose's upcoming wedding. Emmett and his father were discussing sports, while Edward glared into his empty plate.

He'd had to endure his mother's eternal hug when he'd arrived earlier in the evening, then his father had clapped his back, looking startled by his presence. He'd even joked that the mountain man style didn't suit him.

They had all worried about his hand wrapped in a bandage, and Edward had had to endure his father checking on the wound. It turned out Tanya could have been a nurse easily, since she'd done a superb job at cleaning the cut and applying the correct treatment. Edward had had to listen to a discourse about having needed stitches with a glare at his father.

"Edward?"

He lifted his head to look at his dad, noticing the concern in his clear blue eyes. The age lines surrounding them were new, or Edward had never stared at his dad so closely before.

"I hear you'll be present at the auction for the hospital."

"I told mom that, yes, I'd be there." Edward refrained from raising his voice.

"It will be held at Ritz-Carlton next Saturday."

"Okay. Email me the info. Is the auction for a specific wing or the whole hospital?" Edward grabbed his water glass, knowing that if he touched alcohol, he would have to sleep over. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

"We'd like to renovate the hospital."

Edward nodded. He knew that, since his dad had taken over as the chief of staff, he ran the place the way he wanted. Edward had part of his action on the hospital, too, making him his father's boss to some extent.

"I'll be there." He stood up abruptly. "I have somewhere to be in the morning. Let mom know I'll call next week."

"You're leaving without telling them goodbye?" he gasped, trying not to laugh.

"It was worth a try," Edward mumbled, heading to the stairs.

It had been too long since he'd been home. He walked slowly, following the excited voices. They were looking over a catalogue in Rose's lap.

Edward knocked on the ajar door of his mother's home office. They looked up, startled.

"Just letting you know I'm leaving."

"So soon?" His mom came to his side, touching his forearm. "It was so good to see you, honey."

He sketched a smile, and she probably saw through it when her eyes saddened. "I'll see you next week at the auction."

"Edward!" Rose rushed to him, as he took a step back in the hallway. "I'll be right back, Mom," she said over her shoulder, closing the door tightly.

It left them in the dim light of the upstairs hallway.

She took his hands, tears brimming in her large eyes. "I'm so happy to see you, Edward. You have no idea how worried I've been."

He knew exactly what she meant. She'd been the one to put him back together after his disastrous first year of college. "Don't worry. I'm better than I expected."

"That's good to hear. No more bars, though?" Her eyes held his in a deep stare.

"I can't promise that," he grinned. "No drinking, I promise."

"Edward!" she gasped. "No way. You…found someone?"

"Trust you to be perceptive. Though, keep it to yourself. It's all new. I just met her the other day."

"Well…I'm here if you need anything." She squeezed his hands. "I'm going to hug you."

She was the only one to understand him on such a deep level. He accepted the hug.

"Oh, and baby bro?" she said after pulling away. "If you plan on taking Emmett to a bachelor party, do it several days before the wedding. I'd rather not taste vomit in his mouth when I kiss my new husband."

Edward laughed loudly, possibly his first real laugh after losing Angela.

"It's not funny."

"I wasn't planning anything like that, but now that you mentioned it…"

"You're the worst!" She opened the door of their mother's home office.

"Trying to live up to my reputation," he called after her, heading downstairs.

After saying goodnight to his dad and Emmett, he went to his bike.

Instead of taking the route home, he went to Eclipse. He was surprised to find a man he could vaguely recall from his first visit to the bar behind the counter. Maybe Bella was on a break. Edward looked around, not spotting her.

A tall man with dark blond hair approached him with a friendly look. "Good evening! Can I help you?"

The man probably recognized him, but Edward had never cared what others thought of his status when he was in places people never expected to see him.

"Actually, I'm looking for Bella," he explained in a casual voice.

"Oh, I'm afraid she called in sick tonight." He shook his head sadly. "I know she's the best at entertaining patrons, but I'm sure Paul can help with anything you need," he added, waving toward the bar.

"Some other time." Edward left without a second look at the man's shocked face.

He'd been an idiot not to get Bella's number. What if she wasn't well because of riding the bike? What if riding the bike had brought back bad memories?

What if she had figured out what he wanted from her and she was avoiding him?

Edward gunned it down the highway, keeping an ear and an eye for the cops, but he had to let his sudden anger at himself out somehow.

At home, he was relieved to see all the lights out. Tanya hadn't said anything about Bella, but she'd watched him with the most peculiar look in her eyes. Maybe she thought he'd lost his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Edward survived dinner at his parents' house. Next chapter we meet Jasper and Alice.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready to meet Jasper and Alice?

The following morning, Edward parked in front of Jasper's house. He'd always found peace in the quiet place Jasper had built their house. It was past the Rattlesnake Canyon Park and near the Santa Ynez River. The rocky terrain offered a natural hideout, and no one adventured within his property, which covered three acres.

The ride through the dirt trail hadn't been pleasant for his ass, but he still considered the bike his freedom of movement without being paralyzed by fear. Besides, he didn't like bringing Felix out here.

Edward was taking the helmet off his head when Princess and Rocks ran at him full speed from around the house.

"Hey!" he snapped, thankful when they stopped several feet away, whining and tails wagging in the air. The two German Shepherds were the best guard dogs he'd seen, but like Jasper had said many years ago, Edward had managed to turn them into Bichons with the way they behaved around him.

He finally approached them, crouching down and allowing them to lick his face, while he petted their heads and sides.

"I should've known they abandoned me for their favorite person," Jasper commented lazily, as he came from behind the house.

Edward grinned at his friend, finally happy to see someone he had actually missed. Not that he hadn't missed his family, but Jasper was the only one to understand him, his only real friend.

"What can we say? They know who loves them more," Edward chuckled, getting up.

"You might argue with Alice over that. She made the mistake of allowing Rocks on the couch some time ago, and he thinks he owns it now."

Edward snorted. That was typical dog behavior. "I hope you didn't punish her over something so silly," he said seriously.

Jasper pursed his lips. "It crossed my mind, but when I saw how happy they both were, I couldn't do it."

Edward walked closer, grabbing his friend's hand, and then they hugged. "I missed you, Jasper."

"It's a relief to see you're so much better than I expected. Did Tanya tell you about my attempt to visit you?"

"She was amazing at keeping uninvited guests away."

"She's one scary woman, man. I mean, it's no easy feat to scare me." His eyes were serious. "But the way she demanded for me to leave because I'd hurt you more proves how much everyone around you cares for you."

"Jasper, she managed to keep mom and Rose away. If that tells you anything," he shrugged, hiding a smile.

"Whoa. She's a keeper."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, Tanya's not going anywhere."

"Come on." Jasper led the way around the house to the backyard.

"Is Alice shackled somewhere? I'd half expected her to jump me from the second I arrived."

"I told her to stay put. I had no idea the state you'd be in."

Edward nodded. They arrived in the backyard.

Alice was on a sun lounger, literally sitting on her hands.

Edward checked with Jasper if it was okay to approach, and when he got a nod of approval, he went closer and sat next to Alice. She was just as small and fragile as ever. Her hair was longer, and Edward wondered if she had decided on a change of look.

Her head snapped up, a large smile spread on her face.

"Good girl," Jasper whispered, coming to stroke her hair.

That was all she needed to hear, before she dove into Edward's arms, sobbing into his shoulder.

"I was so worried. We were both so worried. When Jasper visited you and returned with bad news, I knew you'd isolated yourself."

"Shhh, Alice." Edward rubbed her back. "I'm okay. Look, it took me some time to pull out of my head."

She sobbed some more, clinging to him. "Jasper can't lose you," she whispered into his ear. "He was lost without you."

Edward shuddered at the news. He hadn't even thought of how his self-isolation had affected others.

His eyes met Jasper's, and he saw the relief in them. "I'm sorry, man," he said quietly.

Jasper dismissed his apology with a hand, heading inside.

Alice finally pulled away, wiping her eyes with her hands. "Are you really okay? Whoa! That's a beard."

"I'm aware," Edward deadpanned.

"But you never wear one."

"I have an appointment with Riley next week. Shaving was at the bottom of my list."

"Yeah, no time for thinking about keeping yourself together while emptying the bourbon." Jasper's cold voice startled him. "You don't even have to deny it. I'd probably be constantly drunk if it were me."

" _Jasper!_ " Alice exclaimed, scandalized. She rushed to his side, hugging him tightly. The top of her head barely reached his chin. "You promised not to think such dark thoughts."

His cloudy eyes left Edward's and met hers, as a small smile spread on his lips. "I'd be lost with you, Ally."

Edward looked away, because their love was palpable.

He saw the dogs lounging by the pool, the small patio table filled with finger foods and cool drinks. The ride had made him thirsty, so he went to pour some grapefruit juice in a glass.

"You hungry? Alice worked on these all morning," Jasper said, joining him.

"She shouldn't have."

"Have you met Alice?" he laughed easily.

"This is mild," Edward agreed.

"I tamed her. She was all for throwing you a party."

Edward stared at him in horror, knowing his friend couldn't lie about Alice's exuberance.

They placed some food on paper plates, and then joined Alice by the pool. Edward lay on one of the sun loungers, sipping from his glass.

"Aren't you warm in those clothes?" Alice frowned.

Edward grinned into his glass. "I came with the bike," he explained.

"You did?" With barely a look at Jasper, she sprinted to the front of the house.

"You'd think she's never seen a bike," Jasper joked.

"How the hell do you separate your romantic relationship from the other relationship?" Edward asked, upset and confused.

As much as he had loved Angela, he hadn't been able to compartmentalize, and that meant he couldn't keep his temper in check when it was supposed to be just them.

"We had this conversation, Edward. You need to find the right girl…not that Angela hadn't been what you needed at the time."

"I know." Edward stared into his glass. "I might've found her."

Jasper leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "Is she the reason you're here?"

"Maybe? If by here you mean outside the house. I'm here at your house because I missed you, and I know I've been an ass."

"Tell me about her," Jasper decided.

Edward's eyes cut to Alice skipping back to Jasper's side, gushing about the bike. Jasper kissed her brow. "We'll take mine for a ride later, okay?"

She squealed, kissing the top of his head. "I'll let you talk alone. It's too hot outside."

"Okay, baby." Jasper turned to face Edward. "It comes naturally. You do what a man would do in a relationship, but you bring up something more in the playroom. I can't explain it, Edward. You have to feel it for you to understand. I was just as confused as you are before I met Alice, but she changed everything."

"I know." He smiled, remembering Alice's entry into Jasper's life.

Edward and Jasper had been leaving the hospital after Edward had made sure his dad would keep it all under wraps. Since Jasper had needed to let his last Sub go, Edward had stopped being surprised at Jasper's behavior: fighting, drinking and picking up random girls to bring home.

Edward had been complaining to Jasper that he should have been at work, not playing babysitter for Jasper's sorry ass, when they heard the toe-curling screams.

After asking the nearest nurse, they found out that a girl from the psychiatric institution had been brought over after trying to cut her wrists. Edward had seen the shift in Jasper when he laid eyes on the screeching girl, being wheeled down the hallway.

It took days for Jasper to rescue her from being sent back to the institution after her release. He reminded her doctor that he had a psychology degree, and that the girl needed help, not padded walls and being chained to a bed.

For a whole year, Alice had tested Jasper's patience. She was the perfect submissive, but she wouldn't snap out of the subspace. If she was allowed to be herself, she started panicking and saying she heard voices in her head…that she could see what happened in the future. No one had believed her, until she'd told Jasper one day to be careful with his new patient that afternoon. He hadn't minded her, though he'd been surprised at her for talking freely to him. Nonetheless, he'd returned home with a purple eye, after his new patient had punched him out of nowhere.

Alice didn't always see bad stuff, but she kept most of her visions to herself.

Edward could remember how she'd begged him to drive carefully on the way back _that_ night in February.

"Edward." Jasper's worried voice startled him. Edward became aware of his hand stinging, and he noticed he'd squeezed the glass until it broke. "Don't move."

"I just have to clean it up," Edward said mechanically.

They went into the bathroom.

Jasper changed the bandage, asking about the gash on the side of his palm.

"Don't worry about me. I'm a fucking mess, Jasper."

"Tell me about her," he said quietly.

Edward stared at Jasper's longer fingers, working on wrapping white gauze around his hand. "I didn't expect her."

"That's how it should be."

"She's a bartender, and definitely not the kind of girl I'd choose for myself. She's this good girl gone bad, complete with dyed hair, tattoos and a shady past."

The corner of Jasper's mouth went up. "Sounds like you're a match made in heaven."

"Stop being an ass. I hinted at what she might need…to be free and give up control."

"And what did she say?" he asked, turning to wash his hands.

"She was outraged that I'd suggested suicide." Edward still couldn't believe the way Bella's mind worked.

Jasper laughed loudly. "Really?"

"Yeah. So…I'll have to be careful how I broach the subject."

"She might not accept it," he said seriously.

"I'll take her any way I can. It feels like my body is on fire around her, like her energy gives me life."

Jasper caught his eyes in the mirror. "Are you willing to forget your lifestyle for her?"

"If it's what it takes? I'll try."

Jasper frowned. "Edward, please, remember how lost you were when we met. You need this in your life. If…this girl is your Alice, she'll understand. Eventually."

"I can work with eventually." He nodded.

They moved back outside, catching up more, even though Edward didn't have much to tell his friend. He knew Jasper was analyzing his every word and gesture, but he couldn't be mad. The talk helped him, and it was exactly what Edward needed.

"I think you should tell her up front," Jasper said suddenly.

Edward turned his head to Jasper, not sure what he was talking about. They had lapsed into silence, simply enjoying the sun.

"That girl…tell her about you, explain why you think you can help her. Also, don't say you're willing to change for her."

Edward pondered the words. "I might do just that."

Alice rejoined them around lunch hour, insisting they should eat something.

Edward watched them together. It was possible to have a devoted Sub and a girlfriend all in one person. Alice still respected Jasper and did as he said, but if she wanted something strongly enough, Jasper had lost the fight before it even began.

They were around the sitting room when Edward's phone vibrated from the coffee table.

"Work on a Sunday? Feels like before," Jasper chuckled.

It was an unknown number. Edward shrugged, accepting the call. "Cullen."

"Tell me you're the intense creep who Garrett said was looking for me last night."

"Sorry?" Edward sat up, confused at what the hell was going on. His phone had all kinds of restrictions, so he rarely got called by mistake.

"Uh, it's Bella."

"Oh. That explains it," he laughed. "Intense creep?" he repeated, laughing some more.

"Garrett's words," she explained. "I took the weekend off."

"I see. Well, I hope you had time to rest." Edward ignored Jasper staring a hole into the side of his head.

"Yeah…so, I thought about your proposition for freedom. You meant riding a bike again?"

Edward fought against a smile. "What do you say about me picking you up, and I'll explain what I meant."

"It's Sunday afternoon. Don't you have plans?"

"I just made plans with you, Bella. That is if you want." Edward turned his back to his friends, now whispering to each other.

"Okay. I'll text you the address."

"See you soon."

He hung up, keeping the phone in his fist. "I don't want one word," Edward said sternly, turning to face Alice and Jasper. They were watching him on different levels of amazement. Alice looked like she'd had one of her moments. "What!" he demanded, impatient to leave already.

The phone vibrated with an incoming text message. He checked it, seeing that her place was not far from Eclipse.

"Be careful," Jasper finally said, getting up.

Alice sprung to her feet, clapping twice. "We're going to be best friends!"

"Alice, we _are_ best friends," Edward told her slowly.

"Not _you_ …" she scowled, but immediately recoiled. "…Sir. Uh, your new friend…Bella?"

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Alice, say goodbye to Edward. I'll walk him out."

"I'm not mad. You took me by surprise," Edward told her loud enough for Jasper to hear. He was already by the front door.

After hugging Alice, he went after his friend.

"I mean it. Be careful." Jasper grabbed his shoulder, looking at him intensely. "I'd hate to see you hurt."

Edward knew Bella could destroy his fragile heart, not knowing everything he'd been through, and judging merely by what he wanted of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate reading your thoughts and theories on the story. Keep them coming.
> 
> Keep an eye on the Twilight FB groups for teasers and my group for pictures about this story.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might sound like a broken record, but I'm so grateful for all of you reading and reviewing. I appreciate the little time you spare to share your thoughts.

Edward kept the bike on idle, waiting in front of the two-story-tall duplex Bella had indicated. She texted him, telling him to wait outside, otherwise Harley would start howling.

The front door of the building opened, and Bella stepped outside. There was a smile on her face. Her hair was caught up in a ponytail, which swung left and right as she bounced to his side. She had a leather skirt on, paired with a soft black blouse and a leather jacket.

Edward handed her the red helmet.

"Thanks," she grinned, pulling the helmet over her head. She braced on his shoulders, as she straddled the bike. "I promise not to faint or throw up this time."

Edward laughed, revving the engine. "Hold on tightly."

She pushed her front to his back, clinging to his waist.

"Maybe not so tightly," he called out, as he pulled onto the road. "We don't want _me_ to faint from lack of oxygen."

Bella loosened her grip. One of her hands travelled up his chest, making him gasp. She had no idea what she was doing to him.

At a tight turn, her other hand clutched at his thigh so close to his hardening dick.

They pulled up safely in front of his house in the late afternoon. He kept a close eye on her, as he led the way inside.

"I'm fine, I promise," she said in a small voice.

"I see." He went to the sitting room. "Please, have a seat."

Bella took her jacket off, draping it over the back of the couch, looking around. She hadn't been able to do that the last time she'd been over.

"Anything to drink?" Edward opened the cabinet holding the liquors.

"Whatever. But no tequila or gin."

"Bad memories?" he checked, pouring straight vodka into two clear glasses.

"I wanted to try everything. As a bartender, I have to know what I sell to the customers," she said, amused. "Let's just say gin tasted the worst, and tequila left me with no memories the next day."

"Ouch." Edward knew all about what tequila could do. "Here." He offered her one of the glasses.

She looked at the glass, and then raised it in a salute before taking a sip. " _Absolutely_ amazing." She winked.

It should have worried Edward that she could distinguish the types of vodka by taste, but like she said, she was a bartender.

"Aren't you a little too young to own a pub?" He sat on the short end of the couch.

Bella sat close to him, biting her lower lip. "I told you that my brother left it to me when he skipped town. For the longest time, I resented the idea of owning a pub. Thankfully, Gary helped with it. He used to be Jimmy's best friend." She took another sip. "When I turned twenty-one, I decided to embrace this job. Everyone was nice and friendly before, but once I opened up and took some hints on how to act from Paul, I became better than him."

"I might be biased, but you're the best."

"You definitely are biased. I still mess up drinks, but most of the patrons are too drunk to notice." She shrugged. "You should come over and have Paul make you an Old Fashioned. You'd forget about that excuse of an attempt I made for you."

"I doubt it. I remember it tasted decent." He winked, drinking from his own glass.

"Tell me about how you'd make me forget about my miserable life. Teach me how to be free," she whispered, meeting his eyes.

"You haven't given it much thought?"

"I tried, but nothing makes sense. We ruled out suicide," she smiled ruefully, "And you said no to riding your bike."

"How else do we escape routine?" Edward asked softly, emptying his glass. He leaned to place it on the coffee table.

Bella held his gaze. "Sex." Her face was flushed, as she mirrored his actions – emptying her glass in a large gulp then leaning to place it beside his.

Edward noticed the shoulder of her blouse had dropped, leaving it bare, exposing a beautiful tattoo of a delicate dandelion blown in the wind. The seeds of the flower morphed into little birds.

He slid closer, tracing a finger over that tattoo. "This kind of freedom can be found," he whispered.

She shivered violently, but she didn't move away, which he took as a good sign. He was surprised at not being repulsed by the tattoo. He'd always detested them, not understanding why people chose to paint their skin.

"Where?" Bella's wide and expressive brown eyes met his.

"With me," he answered simply, still tracing the exposed skin with his finger. "I can give you this freedom. You only have to become mine."

"Become yours? Are you asking me out?" She frowned.

"As in dating?" He had to make sure that was what she was thinking.

"I guess?" She shrugged, blushing.

"Then, no." Her eyes saddened. He reached to cup her cheek. "That doesn't mean I don't want you – all of you."

"That explains it," she said sarcastically.

"I won't ask for much in return."

"There are conditions?" Her eyebrows shot up.

"You'll have to respect me and be faithful."

Bella blinked. Then, she scooted to the other side of the couch. "You mean, like, in those erotic novels? Like, in the clips from the wrong side of the porn industry? You have kinks, and you like to spank and punish women?"

Edward cringed. "I'll have to admit, all those have _some_ truth at the base, but it's nothing like that."

"You won't hurt me," she stated loudly. "I won't obey you, or anyone else. No one else can own me."

"Did I say any of that?" Edward tried to contain his amusement.

"Then, what do you want from me?" She wrapped her arms around herself, watching him warily.

He hated the way society painted his lifestyle. It was either too mild, or too intense, seldom getting anything right. Sure, there were extremes, but he wasn't one to take pleasure in bruising women or beating them into a pulp.

"It's all about your pleasure and how it'll intensify if you allow me to take you to highs you've only dreamed of reaching."

"I can't say I have a fabulous sex life. I don't even remember the last time I've been with someone," she mumbled. "But I can't," she added.

Edward blanched. She wasn't even trying to keep an open mind. "What scares you?" He had to keep her there for as long as possible. The moment she left, he'd lose her forever.

"Being hurt," she admitted in a small voice, "and not just physically."

"I won't hurt you like that."

"How do you know? What if it's too much for me?" she challenged, her eyes wild.

"You'll have the power to stop me."

"And will you? Stop?"

"Yes," he answered loud and clear.

Bella chewed on her lip. "Look, I've never wanted this with anyone – a relationship, to date…whatever you want to name it. But I have no idea what it is about you that has me so interested. Maybe it's this dark side that I didn't know about; maybe it's just your beautiful face."

 _Dark side?_ Edward wanted to scoff, but he refrained.

"I want that with you as well. What I told you is part of me, and I won't do it every day."

She seemed to relax a little. "What if I say no to all that?" Her eyes held his, shining defiantly.

"I'll have to learn to accept it and live without that. You're too important to lose over my ways…over what I like." Jasper had told him not to go down that route, but Edward knew that if he didn't make Bella see how invested he was in what they could have, she'd leave.

"But then you won't be happy," she mumbled.

"I'll be happy to have you happy by my side."

She looked away. "Let me think about this. You'll have to give me examples of what you want to do with me."

Edward tried to find some of the softest fantasies, so he wouldn't scare her.

Bella held up a hand. "Not now," she gulped. "Is other stuff off the list until I decide?"

"Other stuff?" he asked, confused.

"Like kissing," she explained, her cheeks so red.

"Kissing me might scare you. I always pour my feelings into my kisses."

She stood abruptly. "I should go." A second later, her eyes narrowed at the glasses on the coffee table. "Was this your way to keep me trapped here? You drank as well. How am I going to get back home? Or did you plan on keeping me a prisoner in your torture room?"

"There's no torture room," he answered, clearly amused.

He extracted his phone from his pants. "Felix," he said softly when his man answered on the first ring. "Please bring the car up."

"Oh, so your bodyguard is taking me home?" Bella snorted.

"Felix is my driver."

"Whatever. Don't hold your breath for an answer anytime soon."

"Well, we'll have to see each other. How else am I going to tell you my fantasies?"

"Pull up your Notes application and type in my email address," she said impatiently. He had no choice but to comply. "It's bellaswan – one word – at gmail dot com."

Edward nodded, leading the way to the front door. He stopped her before she could reach for the handle.

She tilted her head to watch him, confused, but fear and excitement flashed in her eyes, as he pushed her up against the door with his body. Then, his lips molded against hers. He didn't try to open her mouth, simply giving her a taste of what could be hers if she accepted his offer.

When they left the house, Felix held open the back door of the Caddy. Edward nodded to him, as he helped Bella inside.

She huffed, snapping the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures of Bella's tattoos in my FB group for anyone who wants to get a better idea of them.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind words. Ready for spicing things up?

_Holy shit!_

Bella couldn't wrap her head around her conversation with Edward.

She couldn't remember the car ride home, or getting inside her studio.

She grabbed Harley's leash and took him for a walk to clear her head. The more she thought of Edward, the more absurd she found the situation.

There was clearly something wrong with her to fall for the worst sort of men. First, it was Harold the biker, with a family on the other side of the country. Then, there were her flings with various bad boys to cross the threshold of Eclipse, and now Edward.

She was curious about his examples and his words on what that life meant, because clearly, what she'd read or seen wasn't the truth.

Being used to not sleeping during the night, Bella spent most of her night on the internet researching words like 'BDSM', 'submissive', 'dominant', and 'punishment', and with each word she read, it made her squirm.

Sure, it looked intense, but she wasn't going to kneel in front of him and call him "Master" or whatever he wanted. Giving up control, allowing him to be in charge of her pleasure and body, was the scariest thought she'd ever entertained.

It was three o'clock in the morning, and she was ready to try and get some sleep, when she noticed a new email. At first, she considered it might be one of her subscriptions or some other random email, but something told her it was from him.

 **From:** Edward Cullen  
 **To:** Bella Swan  
 **Date:** 13 Jun 2020, 2:57 AM

_Hello Bella,_

_I hope our talk hasn't scared you._

_I understand how unnerving this can be to someone with no knowledge of this lifestyle. Allow me to explain why this shouldn't worry you._

_You must be curious as to why I do this. There's only one other person who knows the whole story, and another one who knows part of it._

_I didn't imagine talking about this with you any time soon, or at all. But I want you to understand what this means, and for you to let go of your fear of the unknown._

_My first year in college took a turn for the worst, when the house I lived in kept throwing party after party, effectively keeping me away from my studies. I partied along with the frat boys, skipped classes, and I started drinking. At first, it was nothing to worry about, but as time passed, I realized that everything made more sense when I was drunk. My life had been perfect – the youngest child of the best doctor in the county and the sophisticated interior designer, whose older sister was about to graduate from Harvard. Maybe too perfect._

_I wanted to escape my boring life, so I kept drinking. It brought me comfort._

_One night, the frat boys invited me on a night out with them. Dartmouth didn't offer that much entertainment, but we found this club. It was the kind of place we shouldn't have been allowed to get into, but our fake IDs were that good._

_I remember seeing the dimly lit room and how there were several stages, where men performed various acts on girls. My boys left, saying it was the wrong place. I didn't leave._

_I watched carefully what each man did to the girl in front of him, and I wanted that. At first, I thought they were hurting them, but the girls' moans were of pleasure._

_I kept returning, until I got up the courage to approach a girl. The customers were allowed to get whoever they wanted. I chose wrong. I had no idea the roles could be reversed. She took me away from the front room, and for hours, I saw there was another side to what I'd watched so far._

_I went deeper into drinking, but I went back to that woman. You can call me a masochist._

_I don't know what happened. She pushed me too far, everything had been too much, I had been too drunk…the thing is I woke up in the hospital._

_My sister thinks someone abused me, and I didn't have the right words to correct her, because to some extent, that was what happened. I was nineteen._

_My best friend is a Dominant, like me. He's also one hell of a psychologist. I was his first patient while he was still studying in college._

_After I had been released from the hospital, my parents found me an apartment, and I got a roommate. Jasper was everything I needed in my life without knowing it. He explained to me what I'd witnessed in that club, what had happened to me, and he taught me everything he knew._

_So, this is my story about how I got initiated into this life._

_I will never inflict harm on anyone I care about. You don't have to fear me._

_There will be punishments, yes. But only what you can handle. I'd bet you were spanked as a child. It's similar to that._

_I planned on telling you about my fantasies that include you, but somehow, I ended up making Jasper proud in talking about this part of me._

_If I don't hear from you, I'll understand that this isn't for you._

_Yours,  
Edward_

How could she sleep now after reading that?

Bella had never received such a long email in her life. Or such a disturbing one.

He had poured his whole heart out in it, proving to her that he truly wanted her.

She chose not to answer anything right away.

She read the email several more times until her eyes drooped. A nightmare woke her up some hours later. The star of her bad dream was Edward, being chained to a wall and hit with a riding crop.

Her day dragged, and before she had to go to work, Bella had the courage to answer his email.

 **From:** Bella Swan  
 **To:** Edward Cullen  
 **Date:** 13 Jun 2020, 1:45 PM

_Hi,_

_Thank you for trusting me with such a secret._

_I don't even think I could/should say anything regarding your confession. Maybe next time I see you?_

_In turn, I'll tell you my darkest nightmare._

_James left shortly after our parents' death. He chose his girlfriend over me. She had always managed to make him do as she said. No one ever believed me that she was evil._

_Victoria's dream was to become a Hollywood actress, and James was her free ticket there._

_He bought this place for me and left me his car and the bar. Mom used to own the bar, and she had passed it on to James._

_I sometimes wonder what would have happened if he'd stayed here with me._

_I dropped out of high school at seventeen, because I couldn't do it. I tried, all thanks to Jake's dad, but I simply couldn't. It was too much. Everyone watched me as if I were some ticking bomb, and it drove me crazy._

_I helped Garrett at the bar and spent all my time at Jake's. I hated this studio._

_When I was eighteen, I met Harold, that guy I told you about. I got my first tattoo. That's when I got a taste of freedom, but it was short-lived what with my near-death accident._

_Once I was alright again, I rebelled on life and the injustice that was thrown at me. I got another tattoo, I tasted alcohol for the first time, I searched for the most troubled men who crossed the threshold at Eclipse and slept with them._

_I was on this self-destructive path, and if Jake hadn't intervened, I have no idea where I'd be. He started taking me for walks on the beach, where we'd talk about anything, he'd spend the night at my place, complaining about my shitty bed and too much drums in my music. But he became my rock. He still is._

_My life is a mess, and I have no idea how to get control over it._

_If you haven't noticed, I like to have control over the situation…my body…you get the point._

_But I'm curious._

_Give me an example of what you want to do with me._

_Bella_

She hit send, then left to work, like the coward she was.

Her night dragged, and she half-expected Edward to appear at some point. He never did.

During one of her breaks, close to eleven o'clock that night, she escaped through the back door. She had brought along with her a bad habit she hadn't indulged for several weeks.

After lighting the cigarette, Bella checked her email on the phone app.

 **From:** Edward Cullen  
 **To:** Bella Swan  
 **Date:** 13 Jun 2020, 3:09 PM

_Bella,_

_Words cannot explain how badly I want to hurt your brother for abandoning you._

_I want you to read this in private._

_Picture this._

_You're lying naked on a big bed. The room is dark, and your senses are heightened. You hear footsteps, but you can't see who came into the room. Your arms are tied to the headboard. Your body is at my mercy._

_I slide my fingers over your side then ghost my open palm over your pebbled nipples. I follow my actions with my lips. You quiver under my touch. I suck on your nipples until you thrash under me, begging for mercy._

_I go lower, licking a trail from the valley of your breasts, tasting you all the way down. I grab your thighs and push them apart. You moan, still begging. I lean in and breathe over where you ache, not quite touching you. You moan in despair._

_I love seeing you losing control, allowing me to bring you such pleasure._

_I ghost my lips over the inside of your thighs, going lower, ignoring the place you want me to touch the most. I kiss your ankles, and you beg me to stop teasing._

_I return to your lips, which I had purposely neglected. After ravishing them thoroughly, I cup your heated sex. You shudder in my arms, but you don't come apart. I haven't allowed you to come. I inch a finger inside your wetness. Your back arches off the bed, your hips snap up, searching for friction. I add another finger, holding you still._

_When you writhe in pleasure under me, the metal handcuffs clinking loudly against the headboard, I know my job is done._

_I lift your hips onto my thighs and push inside you. You cry out, begging me to allow you to come. I allow it, only because your wet and tight sex will be the end of me._

_Are you sopping wet now, Bella?_

_Yours,  
Edward_

Bella squeezed her thighs together, whimpering against the brick wall. Her legs felt like jelly, and she was sure she'd faint from the sheer pleasure.

No romance novel or erotic book she'd ever read had made her so wet, but then again, she hadn't been the star character with Edward as her partner.

Bella looked around the dark alley, inching farther away from the road, hiding behind some cardboard boxes near the dumpster. She threw away her burned-out cigarette, leaning against the wall, as she bundled her skirt up around her waist. She shoved her panties to the side, and then she pushed two fingers inside her.

She re-read Edward's email. She came halfway through it, shuddering and moaning so loud she was sure someone would hear her.

What the hell was he doing to her?

 **From:** Bella Swan  
 **To:** Edward Cullen  
 **Date:** 13 Jun 2020, 11:35 PM

 _Please_.

That ought to do it, she thought to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still with me? You're allowed a cold shower before sharing your thoughts. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the reviews and all the attention this story is getting. It makes me so happy!

_Please_.

Edward read Bella's reply and was out of bed before he registered he had moved.

He made too much noise in the garage, because right when he located the keys to his new Volvo, Felix joined him.

"I've got it," Edward said hurriedly. He could hear the desire dripping from his voice.

"You're taking the car?"

"Felix, I can do it." He went to the silver car, opening the door.

"Uh, you're wearing only sweatpants, sir."

"Bring me a t-shirt. Hurry. And shoes!" he called after Felix. "This century!"

When Felix returned two minutes later, even though it felt like a lifetime for Edward, he kept staring at his employer curiously.

"Is there an emergency? Let me drive," he insisted.

"Go back to sleep," Edward said, getting inside the car.

He was too consumed with his need for Bella to allow the fear bubbling inside him to come to the surface.

He drove carefully, parking in the alley behind the pub, the only free spot. He rushed inside, scanning the place for Bella.

She was standing between two men who looked about to start a brawl. Her palms were on each of their chest, while she chided them for their behavior. Then, the man who'd told him Bella had the day off on Saturday approached the situation.

Bella spun on her heel, ready to head to the bar, but she noticed Edward in the middle of the room. Her mouth dropped, and her cheeks pinked.

Edward smirked, walking to her. "Tell your boss you're not feeling well, and that I'm taking you home."

Bella tried to protest, but no words came out.

"Everything okay, Bella?" The man in question came by her side.

"My ride is here," she told him.

"I thought you called Jacob. Who's he?"

"Give it a rest, Gary." She took Edward's hand, walking outside.

"Wait, you're really not feeling well?" he checked.

She giggled. "Your email did quite the number on me. Gary noticed how flushed I was and demanded I go home and rest."

"And you called Jacob." Edward didn't even try to hide his displeasure at the news.

"Actually, I was mustering up the courage to call _you_ when Pick and Pock decided to spill their blood on the dance floor."

Edward laughed loudly. "So, you want to come over?"

"This is not a _yes_ to all of it. It's a _yes_ to your email. I want you to show me."

Edward pushed her against the wall in the alley where he'd parked his car. He caught her gasp with his lips, as he descended for a kiss. He licked at her lips, slowly parting them, tasting the sweetness of her mouth.

Bella's hands went into his hair, as she threw herself into the kiss, moaning loudly.

"Is that a _yes_ to showing me?" she asked breathlessly when Edward pulled away.

"Since I'm stepping all over my rules, might as well do it thoroughly, right?" He led her to his car.

"You made Felix wait for you this whole time?"

He was surprised she remembered his driver's name. "No. He's home."

Bella stared at him incredulously.

"What? Mind over matter," Edward joked uneasily.

She giggled nervously.

Edward opened the passenger door, smiling at her.

"You want me to drive?" she asked, confused.

He rolled his eyes. "Has no one treated you right? I'm opening the door for you."

"Oh. Wow." She pinched his arm, making him curse. "Sorry, I had to make sure you're real."

"Wasn't that kiss real enough for you?"

"Actually, it felt like a dream. I had no idea…" she trailed off, blushing horribly.

"The dream has just began, Isabella."

She shivered violently, stepping into the car.

The tension was palpable on the way to his house. Edward was aware of Bella's shallow breathing and her fresh freesia scent. He only glanced at her once when he checked for traffic on her side.

He parked in front of the garage, keeping his hands on the steering wheel.

"You okay?" Bella checked in a soft voice.

"Come." Edward got out of the car. Bella met him in front of it, and he steered her toward the front door with a hand behind her back. After he punched in the alarm code to activate it again, he pushed Bella against the door. "I'm going to fuck you all night."

"Oh, my God," she moaned. Her hands went to the hem of his t-shirt.

Edward took a step back, grimacing. He wasn't ready for a mood-killer conversation about how being touched without his permission made his skin crawl.

He decided in that moment that the lights would stay out for tonight. No need for Bella's questions regarding the scars on his chest and back.

He took her hand, before she could read too much in his actions. "Quietly," he whispered, pulling her after him.

"It's so odd that your people live here," she giggled.

"Shhh!"

"Where are we going?"

"My room. Tonight, you get a taste of what you could have every day."

"Mmmm…hurry." She squeezed his hand. "If it's as good as that email…"

"Much better," he promised.

He closed the door of his room softly, walking Bella backwards to the bed, all the while kissing her delicious lips. She moaned, tugging at his hair.

"Please. I don't think I've ever been this turned on."

He chuckled, reaching behind his back to tug his shirt off, and then he pulled his sweatpants down his legs.

"Fuck! You had no underwear on this whole time?" Bella groaned, falling back on the bed.

"I was trying to sleep when I got your answer."

"Sorry?" She didn't sound sorry at all, as she lifted up on her elbows, biting her lip.

"Do you have any idea how desirable you are?"

"Show me."

He made quick work of her clothes, then after holding her eyes in the dark room, he leaned down to lick at the column of her neck. Bella bit into her fist, barely stifling the loud moan that escaped her lips.

Smirking, Edward reenacted his words from the email to the letter. Bella's reactions were much more than he'd expected. She was wild with need, thrashing under him, her hair a mess, her eyes wide and sparkling with desire.

When Edward filled her for the first time, he realized it had never felt so right with anyone before. His arms went under her armpits, holding her tightly against his chest, moving his hips hard and fast.

Bella gasped out his name along with all deities above, crying out broken words, as he pushed her over the edge – three times – before he couldn't hold his release anymore and emptied in the condom.

"Fuck," he gasped against her neck.

He couldn't find the will to move away. Not yet.

They lay there in silence for what felt like an eternity, before he got up to throw away the condom and bring a wet towel to clean her. She was already half asleep, so he cleaned her slowly so as not to wake her.

Then, he got in bed, staring at Bella sleeping peacefully.

Edward had expected a myriad of feelings at seeing a woman asleep in his bed. Someone who wasn't Angela. But the only feeling was the one of content.

The first thing Edward became aware of when he woke up was of fingers running down his back. He winced, rolling onto his side away from the hand touching him. Outside, it was still dark, and Bella was smiling sleepily at him.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," she whispered.

"Why are you awake?" He frowned, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. It felt like he'd just fallen asleep.

"I was wondering if you wanted me here in the morning? Or should I go home?"

Edward closed his eyes, groaning softly. "You think too much." He rolled on top of her. "Sleep."

Bella stroked her fingers through his hair, lulling him back to dreamland.

Next time Edward opened his eyes, he was surprised to find Bella sprawled on the bed, her wild hair covering half of her face. It looked like it had tangled up during their activities. He chose to let her sleep longer, no need to subject her to his early morning routine.

He decided to skip his morning run, because Bella was likely to panic if he left her alone. After a shower, he went to make coffee.

While the coffee brewed, he popped the bread into the toaster. When it came up, it was burnt beyond being edible.

"Maybe you should tell me what you want for breakfast." Tanya's voice from behind him startled him.

Edward turned to her slowly. "Some toast would be nice."

"You set it too high," she explained, pointing to the gear he'd rolled to five. She moved it to two.

"I'll be back to get the toast." Edward grabbed the two cups of coffee, ignoring Tanya's curious looks.

Bella was sitting up in the middle of the bed, her hair even wilder if possible, the bedsheet clutched to her chest. She met his eyes, when he stepped into the room, footing the door shut.

"Good morning," he smiled warmly.

"I thought you'd left," she mumbled.

"I made coffee." He placed the mugs on his nightstand. "Did you sleep well?" He sat next to her, watching her carefully.

"There are muscles I had no idea existed that hurt," she mumbled.

"It gets better."

Bella caught her lower lip between her teeth. "I'm not so sure…"

She didn't have to explain it, because he knew what she meant. "I wasn't convincing enough last night?" he teased, afraid of the outcome.

Bella looked out the window, lost in thought. Edward couldn't look away. She was so beautiful.

"It was all an illusion. You gave me what I wanted, but we both know I can't give you what you want."

There was a knock on his door. Probably Tanya with the toast.

Edward rushed to the door, opening it a crack, enough to take the plate, then he closed it in her face. As discreet as Tanya was, she'd have questions for sure. He placed the plate next to the cups of coffee, sitting back next to Bella.

"You need that…what you do. I mean, after your email…it makes sense," she whispered, still looking out the window. "I can't give you that."

"You gave me much more last night."

"Let's say this satisfies you for a period of time, but it won't last. It's part of you." She turned to face him, her chocolate brown eyes swarming in tears.

The last thing Edward wanted was to see her crying. He cupped her cheek, leaning closer. "You're wrong. I wouldn't have tried so hard if I wasn't sure of what I needed. And what I need is you in my life."

She stared at him in disbelief. "If I change my mind about this? If I want _that_?"

"I'll be happy to show you."

"Are you sure you can have a normal relationship?" A nervous laugh left her lips. "Not like I know what that is."

He smiled, pressing his lips to hers. "We'll learn together. Now, stop talking about escaping me, because you're not going anywhere, Bella."

"I have to go home. Harley's probably wondering if I abandoned him."

"After we have breakfast, I'll drop you home on the way to my office," he promised.

"You'll drive again?" She leaned over the bed to grab a cup of coffee. "Do you have a preference?"

Edward stared transfixed at the scar covering her left side.

"Edward?" she asked in a shaky voice. "Which one is yours?"

"The black mug." He kept his eyes on the long, never fading scar. There was a tattoo above it that made a shiver ran down his spine.

"Stop. Please," she begged, rearranging the bedsheet around her body, holding the red mug with both hands. "I got this during that bike accident. It was a close one, I told you."

"Christ." He shook his head. He reached over to put her coffee safely back on the nightstand, and then he wrapped his arms around her. He pushed away the bedsheet, and pressed his lips to the base of the scar on her hipbone. Slowly, he made his way up, kissing the proof she was still alive, even though she'd been in a terrible accident.

"What are you doing?"

Edward shook his head, not ready to tell her more about his life. Not when he felt so vulnerable.

When his alarm for getting ready for work buzzed, he pulled away reluctantly. They had breakfast in silence, and then while Bella took a shower and untangled her hair, Edward got dressed.

He took the plate and mugs back to the kitchen. "Thanks," he told Tanya, who was wiping the otherwise spotless counter.

"It's part of my job to keep you alive," she laughed.

"You've done a superb job these past few months." He cupped her shoulder. "Let me know when you want some time off to visit your sister."

"After seeing you burn toast, I'm afraid to leave you alone," she said playfully.

"Hey, I'm not that bad."

She gave him an incredulous look, then her eyes widened, focusing on something over his shoulder.

Edward spun around to see Bella tying her shirt under her breasts. It looked ripped, and Edward felt bad, for it might be his fault. Bella stopped short when she noticed Tanya.

"I think you owe me a new shirt," she mumbled, blushing scarlet.

"Tell Felix to get the car ready," Edward told Tanya, before pulling Bella back to his room. "Like you complained," he teased.

"Well, I'm complaining now."

Edward opened his walk-in closet's doors, and as a last minute decision, he opted for one of his band t-shirts. He had intended to give Bella one of Angela's blouses, but that would trigger too many questions.

Bella turned her back to him, throwing her ripped shirt to the floor, before tugging his over her head. It was so long it covered her short skirt. She knotted it to the side.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Let's go before I decide to ditch today."

"What would the boss say?"

He missed her sarcasm, in a hurry to put some distance between them, before he decided to ravish her all over again.

"I am the boss, Bella."

"Yeah, then maybe you should allow yourself to ditch work."

He wasn't ready to read too much into her words. "I've missed too much work already." He led the way outside, barely acknowledging Tanya, who was watching him as if he'd grown another head.

Felix had the back door of the Caddy open. His eyes moved from Bella to Edward, but he kept his face composed.

Inside the car, Edward took Bella's hand, squeezing it.

"We're dropping Bella at home. I hope you remember the address," he told Felix.

"Yes, sir."

Bella fidgeted beside him, looking at their linked fingers.

"What?" he whispered, bringing their clasped hands to his mouth to kiss the back of her hand.

"I'm scared this isn't going to work."

"Let's see what happens, and if you're afraid of the other thing…I might have a solution."

"You'll have someone else who satisfies you like that on the side?" Her wide eyes met his.

"Don't be absurd, Bella! Let me think about this."

"Okay." She turned her focus out the window.

In front of her building, Edward kissed her slowly. "I hope you had fun last night."

"I might come back for seconds." The corner of her mouth lifted up.

"You know where to find me."

Ten minutes into the drive to work, Felix cleared his throat, meeting Edward's eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Since when are you so nosy?" Edward snapped.

"I've never seen that love-sick puppy look on your face, sir."

"Fuck off. Watch the road."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Who loves Felix? I sure do.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for Bella to meet Alice?

For the next several days, Bella tried not to think about Edward. She failed miserably, but it was worth a shot.

Their passionate night together had been everything she'd wanted in her life and then some. It scared her, what kind of control he already had over her body.

She tried to imagine the feeling of giving up all control and shuddered. It ought to be fantastic, but she doubted she could trust him that blindly.

Edward had emailed her twice more. His first email had come a few hours after he'd dropped her at home, asking if she'd like another fantasy and possibly to reenact it. Then, the previous day, he offered to introduce Bella to his nest friend's girlfriend and Sub.

The mere word "Sub" made her skin crawl.

That was how Bella found herself answering that email late on Friday night, while she was at work.

 **From:** Bella Swan  
 **To:** Edward Cullen  
 **Date:** 17 Jun 2020, 11:45 PM

_Hi,_

_Sorry for the lack of replies. I got sucked into work._

_I'd like to meet your friend's girlfriend._

_Then, maybe you could tell me another fantasy. Or I could tell you one of my fantasies?_

_Bella_

She sent the email before she could chicken out.

She half expected to find him barging into the bar and stealing her again, but that didn't happen.

When she got home, she slept fitfully. All her dreams were twisted fantasies about trying to stay in control and failing, allowing Edward to torment her body until she woke up sweaty, gasping for breath, and turned on beyond rational thought.

Saturday was spent cleaning the apartment while thinking, which was always dangerous. Bella decided it didn't matter what Edward wanted. If he was willing to try it her way, she'd accept it, because for once, she felt attracted to someone else. She had never felt that way toward anyone before.

Sunday morning was spent on the beach with Harley, and then they paid Jacob a visit at his garage. He gave up pretty soon when he realized Bella wasn't going to tell him anything about the man she'd brought over the previous week.

When they returned to the studio, Bella had a new email. It was from someone she didn't know, but she presumed it to be from Edward's friend's girlfriend. _Sub_ , she corrected herself.

 **From:** Alice Brandon  
 **To:** Bella Swan  
 **Date:** 19 Jun 2020, 13:55 PM

_Hello Bella!_

_My name is Alice, and I'd like to be your friend._

_I'm sure it's overwhelming to be introduced to this world without much warning. As much as it pains me to say it, Mr. Cullen is not the most subtle man in the world. He's pretty much straight forward, especially when he wants something._

_At the moment, you are what he wants the most._

_Yesterday, I accompanied Jasper to a fundraiser for the hospital. (Jasper is my Master, my husband, my confidant – everything I need) Imagine our surprise to find Edward in quite the mood. He almost threatened me to talk sense into you because he was losing his mind. Well, he didn't exactly say that, but you get the gist._

_So, here I am…writing to you…and offering you my friendship. If you decide to embark on this relationship with him, I'm here to help you. And if you have questions, because I don't need anyone telling me this – I know you are afraid – please, don't hesitate to contact me._

_Hoping to hear from you soon,_

_Your friend,_

_Alice_

Bella read the email twice, and then she typed a short reply containing her phone number and address.

What Bella didn't expect was for the doorbell to ring in the early evening, after which it had taken no less than twenty minutes to calm Harley, who'd gotten the zoomies – otherwise known as dog madness.

"Fabulous," she muttered, when he rushed to the door, pawing at it.

Keeping a hand on his collar, she opened the door to find a child on the other side. After a second look, Bella noticed it was actually a young woman, but a really short one.

"Hello? Can I help you?" she asked, yanking at Harley's collar when he made to launch himself at their uninvited guest. He loved everybody, which was always a problem when the other person took it the wrong way.

The girl smiled shyly. "Hi! It's okay. I love dogs." She crouched, which was a mistake. Harley escaped from Bella's grip, tackling the girl to the floor.

"Fucking shit. Get back in the house!" she snapped. "I'm so sorry. We're working on his manners."

"You must be Bella?" The girl worded it as a question. Harley was still sniffing her.

"Yes…"

"I'm Alice. I guess you didn't get my reply that I was going to visit soon."

"Oh, sorry. I got…distracted," Bella admitted, cringing inwardly at the memory of Harley running around the furniture. "Come in." She stepped aside.

Harley followed Alice inside. Bella took the opportunity to drag him to his blanket. "Stay!"

He whined, staring at Alice eagerly, but he didn't move.

There was hope for him, Bella decided.

She noticed Alice was looking around at the war zone Harley had left behind his zoomies. The cushions were on the floor, the bottle of water was rolled under the desk, the blanket from the couch was bundled up halfway under the bookcase, and the book Bella had been reading was on the back of the couch looking ruffled.

Bella felt her face flushing in embarrassment. "Yeah…please, ignore the mess."

"We have two German Shepherds. This is absolutely nothing compared to what they do to the garden when they become possessed." She giggled in her palm.

"It's hard to keep him in this tiny space, but I try to walk him as much as possible." Bella went to the couch, dusting it off of dog hair. "Come, sit. Want anything to drink?"

"Water is fine," Alice said quietly, taking a seat.

Bella filled two glasses with cool water, bringing them to the couch.

Alice was looking around curiously. Her short, dark hair was caught into two very small ponytails at each side of her neck. Her features were pixie-like, which made her really beautiful. She was wearing a flower patterned yellow summer dress and a pair of delicate sandals with many straps.

"Here you go." Bella handed her one glass. She tried not to think of her too-short denim pants and the holey, sleeveless shirt she was wearing. Her hair was definitely a mess after chasing Harley around the small studio.

Alice met her eyes, smiling. She had such pretty eyes. Their color was midnight blue, but Bella didn't know much about blue eyes aside from the fact that they changed shade depending upon the person's mood.

"Thank you for offering to talk to me," Bella said as an opening.

"I'd have offered, but last time I gave Mr. Edward any advice regarding you, he completely ignored it."

 _Mr. Edward_. Bella kept her eyes on Alice's.

"How about I talk and you listen? If you have questions, feel free to interrupt me," Alice suggested.

Bella nodded, relieved she wasn't subjected to asking ridiculous questions.

Alice walked her through every aspect of her lifestyle. It was imperious for the Sub to be polite and respectful at all times with the Dom and his friends. She wasn't to argue his choices, which sounded like she had no choice, but Alice explained that the Dom always knew what was best for her. Honesty was the key for their relationship.

Alice also told Bella that it wasn't always about his pleasure, which resulted in her pleasure as well. If both of them were willing, the relationship could be as normal and natural as any other relationship, but Bella shouldn't forget her place. Alice explained how having it both ways balanced their needs and desires.

At Bella's curious inquiries about what exactly they did as Sub and Dom, Alice delved into mind-blowing examples. She reiterated in great detail some of her favorite sessions with Jasper. She'd been teased and held on the brink of orgasm for hours, but when she was allowed to come, it had been so intense. She had been strapped to the bed and flogged, while allowed to come…which she had done a lot. Her body had been bent in ways she had no idea was possible, but it all intensified the way he felt inside her. She'd once been hog-tied from the ceiling and fainted from the pleasure.

Bella was trying to absorb it all. By the end of Alice's long speech, Bella was surprised she was wet with desire. She wanted all that with Edward.

"So, you see, giving up control doesn't automatically mean you lose control of your life. On the contrary, it shapes up in new, beautiful ways," Alice said softly.

Bella pressed her thighs together. "I'm starting to see that." She watched as Alice typed on her phone, which had vibrated several moments earlier. "So, this means if I say _yes_ , Edward will do all these things to me?"

Alice peeked at her from under her long lashes. "It all depends on what you commonly decide you like. You won't jump in head first. He won't sleep with you until he knows exactly what you like and definitely what you don't like."

Bella snorted. "A little late for that."

Alice's eyes widened, momentarily forgetting about her phone. "No way!" Shock was evident on her face.

"Yeah…" Bella shrugged. "He said it didn't matter."

"Wow. Jasper was right," she whispered to herself. "Excuse me," she added, answering her ringing phone. "Hello, Jasper… Almost done…" She glanced at Bella, smiling. "Yes, I think my work here is done… You can come pick me up. Did you find what you wanted?… I'll see you soon."

"You have to go," Bella said, sitting up straighter on the couch.

"Yes. Men and shopping…" She shook her head. "I told him what to buy, but he couldn't find the store."

"I'm just as bad as any man, then," Bella laughed. "I hate shopping."

Alice stared at her, horrified. "We have to rectify that. You could accompany us, if you'd like. I'll bet you didn't even know it's Edward's birthday tomorrow."

Bella noticed how Alice had dropped the "mister" from before Edward's name, but she focused on the new matter. "His birthday?"

"I thought so."

"Well, it's not common to tell someone you just met that you're getting older." Bella shrugged. "Besides, I have to get ready for work," she said. "Thank you again for stopping by and explaining this to me. It doesn't sound as scary as I thought."

Alice rolled her eyes. "If you searched it in porn, you definitely got the wrong impression."

Bella blushed furiously.

She walked Alice to the door, exchanging phone numbers, and then she was alone again. As she got ready for work, Bella thought over the conversation she'd had with Alice. She really wanted it all with Edward, even though she was still scared of giving up control like that.

After taking Harley on the shortest walk he'd had in weeks, Bella went to Eclipse.

As the night wore on, she decided to surprise Edward with a visit, and hopefully she wouldn't chicken out and tell him she was willing to try it his way.

It took a few exchanged text messages with Alice to find out how to get to Edward's office.

When Bella let herself into her studio the following early morning, Harley was sprawled on the couch. She pushed him over enough so she could snuggle behind him. She slept well, despite all the thoughts swirling around in her head.

Around nine o'clock, she woke up, took Harley on their usual walk on the beach, and when they returned, Bella started getting ready. After a shower, where she washed her hair and shaved her legs, she took her time to blow-dry her hair, and then she selected a dress she had rarely worn, pairing it with her only nice heels. Bella took her time applying mascara and painting her lips, before she deemed herself ready.

"Be a good boy," she told Harley before leaving. She hoped to return to him by the usual time, but for once, she had no idea what to expect.

She drove to Cullen Industries with her heart in her mouth and butterflies in her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews give me Husky zoomies. =)


	12. Chapter 12

The day couldn't have progressed any worse.

It was barely eleven o'clock, and Edward wanted nothing more than to return to the safe-haven his house provided. He should have expected his family to go overboard with his birthday, but when his mother had insisted after the Saturday fundraiser that he should be present at their house on Sunday, Edward had thought nothing of it.

Until he had arrived to a driveway full of cars. He was tempted to tell Felix to turn around, but he could see his mom looking out the window. It had been a long day.

And this morning, it had started just as bad. Tanya and Felix were waiting for him at the kitchen island with a stack of pancakes. There was a candle in the middle of the pancake tower. He'd grimaced and accepted the charade.

Then, once at work, Jane had his coffee on his desk, but her messy scrawl was all over the paper cup, wishing him a happy birthday. Edward didn't waste much time pouring the contents into his porcelain mug, throwing the paper cup in the trash.

Ben was next to join the fuckery. He even said he knew that Edward might not feel like celebrating, but it was his birthday, so he had to accept the gift. They had gone through the morning briefing with the rectangular purple box on his side of the desk. Now that Ben was gone, Edward opened the box, admiring the light gray silk tie. It was a thoughtful gift for someone who had the difficult task each morning of selecting a tie to go with the suit and shirt.

His phone buzzed, as Edward was staring at the picture he had on the corner of his desk. It was of him and Angela, taken exactly one year ago, when she had surprised him with a weekend in New York.

Edward answered his phone, smiling. "Good morning, Jasper!" Hopefully, his friend had great news. Alice had been sent on a mission to talk to Bella.

"Someone's not a grouch on their birthday," Jasper said playfully.

"You should've tried me ten minutes ago. Even Ben joined the dark side."

"You and your aversion to celebrating the day you were born."

"Let's not go through this again. I've never enjoyed this attention, especially from people I barely see or talk to. They suddenly remember I exist on this day." Edward ran his fingers through his hair. "My parents threw me a birthday party yesterday. After allowing everyone to see me and talk to me, I escaped the madness to my old room. Emmett joined me when he was sent to search for me, and we ended up discussing the bachelor party."

"Sounds fun," he said, his voice a little strained. "You might not like my proposal, but you know I can't say no to Alice when she gets so exuberant."

"Fuck no. Man, you have to let her down."

"She's confident you'll talk to Bella today. She's been tight-lipped about their time together yesterday. So, Alice expects both of you here at seven o'clock."

Edward knuckled his forehead. "Bella hasn't answered my emails."

"Alice insisted that she's coming around. Speaking of, here's Alice."

"Happy birthdaaay!" Alice's soprano voice sang in his ear, making Edward cringe.

"I might forgive you if you tell me what you talked to Bella about."

"That's between us, but trust me," she said seriously, "You're both coming over later."

Edward doubted such a thing was possible when Bella wasn't talking to him. He'd most likely scared her with his intensity.

"I have to go," he said, when Jane knocked on his door, poking her head inside.

Edward hung up, while Alice was telling him to wear something casual tonight. He might indulge them and visit later. Without Bella.

"Yes?" He locked eyes with Jane.

"Someone is here and insists on seeing you. No one was scheduled for today."

It happened on rare occasion when clients were in the area and they decided to pay him a visit. "Let them in."

"She's downstairs in the reception area, fighting with the guards and saying you're friends," Jane explained apprehensively.

Bella.

There was no doubt about who was there for him. He decided yet again to never doubt Alice.

Edward was out of his chair and through the door before Jane could blink. He tapped his foot on the steel floor of the elevator the entire ride downstairs, doing his best to ignore the classical piece playing in the background.

When the doors opened, he had to fight a smile. Bella was wrestling out of one of the guard's arms, shouting that she knew Edward Cullen, and if that idiot behind the front desk would just call him, they'd see she wasn't crazy.

Edward walked to the guard, ignoring the front desk secretary's wide eyes. "It's alright. Please, take your hands off her," he said quietly.

The man's arms dropped, as he turned to face him, shocked. Edward had the urge to smash his face and break his hands for touching Bella like that. He could see the imprint of the guard's fingertips on her pale skin.

Bella noticed him, her cheeks turning red. "Hi," she mumbled.

"Hello." He extended his hand, guiding her to the front desk. "Day permit, please."

Gianna had the permit ready and only handed it to him. Edward led Bella to the elevator area.

"To what do I owe this visit?" he asked, amused.

Bella chewed on her lip, finally meeting his eyes. Edward noticed she had put make-up on her flawless skin. She was wearing a floral dress that hugged her body in the right places. It made Edward want to run his hands over her bare thighs and push her panties aside, maybe take her against the elevator's wall.

He shook his head. That would definitely scare her.

Finally, the elevator arrived, and they stepped inside. He'd never seen the appeal of the enclosed space before, not even with Angela. But that might have been because she was claustrophobic, and Edward had always tried to keep her talking, so she wouldn't think of where she was.

Bella's breathing picked up when the doors closed, and Edward turned to her. He knew the tell-tale signs of a panic attack.

"Claustrophobic?" he checked.

Her blush deepened. "Not exactly." She kept her eyes on the closed doors, shifting from one foot to the other.

Edward stared at her, confused, but he couldn't ignore the electricity buzzing between them. "You didn't answer me."

"A little someone told me you had a special day today," she whispered, still not looking at him.

Could she feel the same tension? Did she want him to ravish her against the elevator's wall?

"Alice and her big mouth," Edward said, scowling. It all made sense. "You shouldn't have. How did you know where to find me?"

This time, Bella's eyes met his. "I guess everyone knows where you work." Her voice shook, so it was a lie.

They finally arrived at his floor. "Hold my calls," he told Jane, as they passed her desk. "And if you see anyone bearing gifts, tell them I'm not in there."

Jane nodded, her wide eyes on Bella.

Edward engaged the lock for good measure. "So, Alice told you about my birthday, and you decided to visit. Did she coerce you into this?"

"What? No! If I'd known, I might've been able to shop properly for you."

"You, here, is the best present," he admitted. He leaned against his desk, watching as Bella dug through her purse. She pulled out a small velvety satchel. It piqued his interest instantly. "What have you got there?"

"See for yourself." She handed him the satchel.

It was as big as his palm. He pulled the ties loose then looked inside, but he couldn't see anything, so he put his hand in there. His fingers touched something lacey, and his heart stopped for a second.

Could it be her panties? Was she not wearing panties?

That dirty girl.

But why would she do this? Did she want more with him?

Finally, Edward got ahold of the lacey thing and extracted it from the satchel. His eyes widened at the tangled, long ribbons of lace material. It looked a hell lot like bondage wear. Something else was tangled on the ribbons. He worked on making sense of what it was, and when he realized it was a blindfold, his eyes cut to hers.

Bella was still standing in the middle of his office, watching him with labored breathing.

"It's not a real _yes_ ," she said hurriedly. "It's an 'I want to try it for myself before I say no' offer."

"Oh, Bella." He strolled to her side, touching her cheek. "It's the best gift anyone's given me."

She frowned. "It's not even for you, per se."

"But it is." His smile widened. "You want to be mine." With two fingers on her chin, he leaned down for a kiss. "I'll show you there's nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm counting on it."

She had so much to learn, and yet, Edward had a feeling that he could never train Bella to be like his other Subs. She was too much of a rebel, and he liked that side in her. There had to be compromises on both their parts.

He cringed when his personal phone buzzed from the desk. "Give me a second."

"It's normal for people to call today." She shrugged.

As he accepted Rosalie's call, he watched Bella walking around his office. He could barely pay attention to his sister, when the object of his desire was so close to him. Bella was now by his desk, so close to him. A gasp left her lips when she saw the picture.

Edward lied that he was late for a meeting, and then he hung up. He watched as Bella picked up the photo, then her curious brown eyes met his.

"You know Angela?" she gasped out.

For once, Edward was left speechless. What were the chances? How could they have known each other? Angela had never spoken of any Bella. He'd have met Bella, surely, because he knew all three of Angela's friends – and none of them was Bella.

Edward cleared his throat, taking the picture and placing it back on the desk. He had no idea what to say. Bella could surely tell that they had been a couple, judging by the way they were posed in that picture, with their arms around each other.

Bella looked down. "Sorry. Uh, I used to be friends with her in high school. But I dropped out, remember? I lost contact with everyone."

Edward blinked, trying hard to keep up with the news, but all he could think of was that Bella and Angela used to know each other. Maybe Alice was right, and everything happened for a reason. Everyone had their path created for them, and it redesigned in the best way possible when tragedy struck.

Edward went to the tall window, linking his hands behind his back. "Angela was my last Sub," he started, but it didn't sound like the best way to start a conversation. "She taught me I could blend in a relationship with my lifestyle." He kept his eyes on Bella's through her reflection in the glass. She was stiff, her eyes on his back. Edward closed his eyes, balling his hands into fists. "I killed her in February."

Bella gasped, and Edward opened his eyes in time to see her hands cupping her mouth.

"The car accident?" she asked in barely a whisper.

"Yes. We were arguing over the silliest thing, though it hadn't seemed trivial to me at that moment. She'd worn a too-revealing dress to some party I took her to. The truck smashed into her side of the car. Later, the doctors told me she didn't suffer."

By now, Bella was openly crying. Edward turned to face her, not sure if she wanted him near her. She fell into his chair, covering her face with her hands.

"When Emmett brought me to Eclipse, it was the first time in five months that I'd left my house."

"Oh, my God. It all makes sense now," she mumbled. She looked up at him, her mascara running down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry to hear this. It feels like I lost my friend all over again."

"So, you see? You're not the only broken person between the two of us. Now that you know the truth, I wouldn't stop you if you decided not to go through with it."

Bella stood up in a flash, wobbling to him, unsteady on her ridiculously high heels. "It wasn't your fault. You know that, right?"

Edward scoffed, but he wasn't quick enough to turn away from her hand touching his face. It felt right, somehow, her warm, gentle hand touching his cheek.

"You shaved," she said softly.

"It was long overdue," he answered, placing his hand over hers. "Are you not bothered in the slightest by the fact that my jealousy and unjust drive to control everything killed someone I loved?"

More tears slipped from her eyes. "I don't believe you could ever hurt someone, let alone kill them. The circumstances weren't the best, that's clear. You didn't mean to do it."

"Why do you sound like a goddamn doctor?" That was exactly something Jasper had told him in the very beginning.

"Because I saw a shrink for a month after that bike accident. Billy had insisted I needed to see someone, considering my depression had worsened."

Edward nodded. He cupped Bella's shoulders, bringing her close to him. He didn't care that his pale blue shirt would have mascara lines and snot on it by the time she composed herself.

"I ruined your birthday, didn't I? I'll bet thinking of her was the last thing you wanted," Bella sobbed into his chest.

"Actually, it doesn't hurt as much to think of Angie now. Not since I met you," he admitted.

She looked up at him, and despite the serious conversation they were having, Edward couldn't help but chuckle. Her mascara pooled under her eyes, rolling in rivers down her cheeks. Yet, somehow, she had never looked more beautiful to him.

He grabbed a few tissues from his desk, running them over her face.

"Oh, shit!" Her eyes widened in horror. "I'll bet I look like a mess."

"A beautiful mess. Bathroom is through that door." He pointed out a side door near his office door. "Take your time."

"I'm sorry." She fled through the pointed door before Edward could ask why she was sorry.

He hadn't expected to tell Bella about Angela, not any time soon, at least.

When Bella returned half an hour later, he decided to call it a day.

"Let me drive you home," he offered.

"Uh, I drove here. Don't end your work-day over me. I'll be fine. I have to stop by the pet store anyway and buy food for Harley."

"How about a compromise? That food bag must be heavy." He stood in front of her, knowing she wouldn't accept it without a fight.

"It's nothing I haven't handled before. I can always call one of my friends to help with the bag of food when I arrive home."

Edward smiled wryly. "How about we trade cars? Mine comes with an incorporated food bag handler."

Bella snorted. "Are you kidding?"

"No."

"It was a rhetorical question." She rolled her eyes. There was still black around the rim, but the worst part was washed off.

He kept staring at her, knowing she'd cave.

"It's not fair! You're not allowed to dazzle me into getting your way."

"Dazzle?" Edward asked, amused. "I dazzle you?"

"Frequently."

He smirked. "Is that a yes, then?"

"You'll have to drive a car back home!"

"I drove not that long ago if you'd remember." He winked. "You're stalling."

"Fine." She searched through her purse, throwing her keys to him. He caught them swiftly, which made her scowl.

"Oh, and by the way, Alice expects us at their place later. I was sure your silence meant you didn't want anything to do with me, but she sounded sure when she said we'd be there."

"Alice opened my eyes, so to speak. She explained exactly what I wanted to know, and I realized my fears were silly."

"I plan on using my gift on you later."

"Shoot! I have to tell Gary I can't make it to the bar tonight," she said urgently, pulling her phone out. "I'm finally taking his advice to take days off. I never had a reason to do it before."

"I'll come pick you up around six. In your car, so when we return to my house, you'll have a way out if you want."

She gulped, but she smiled brightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're timidly making progress.
> 
> PS: for those asking about Husky zoomies, please search that in Youtube. It's what I experiment at least once a week.
> 
> PPS: I can't thank you enough for all the nice comments and support!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit 'THANK YOU' to everyone who reads and leaves their thoughts on the story. I appreciate it a lot!

With the news of dinner at Alice's place, Bella told Felix to stop at a boutique store, where she found the perfect little black dress.

Felix was the devoted driver-slash-bodyguard, which meant he was scary, and even though Bella wanted to ask questions about Edward, she kept her mouth shut. She would have loved to hear his employee's thoughts about him, but she'd have to wait until that evening. She already knew Alice and her partner were going to tell her more about Edward.

During the ride back home, Bella kept analyzing her decision. She hadn't lied when she'd told Edward that+ she was willing to try, but he shouldn't expect her to obey completely. She still couldn't see herself kneeling in front of him, or anyone else, for that matter. It was degrading. And she'd have to know beforehand what he wanted to do, before she allowed him to give her pleasure.

At home, she made sure to take any remains of her make-up off her face. Her mind reeled at the memory of what she'd learned. Her best friend from high school was dead. Angela had been Edward's Sub. What a small world, she thought, shuddering.

When Edward had walked her to the elevator where Felix was waiting, she had seen Angela's brother coming from around the corner. Bella used to have the biggest crush on Ben, and Angela had always laughed at her. The joke was on her, apparently.

After the initial shock, they had greeted each other, and Bella hadn't missed the way Ben had looked at Edward, probably piecing everything together. Then, she had stepped into the elevator with Felix. Edward would tell her later if Ben had said anything.

After a late lunch, Bella took Harley for his walk, keeping to the side streets, since it was too hot for his paws on the asphalt or the sand.

When she returned, Bella realized their walk had taken longer than she'd anticipated. So, she grabbed another shower before getting ready for that evening. While she applied mascara for the second time that day, she decided it was time to invest in the waterproof version.

She was just finished with curling her hair when her phone rang from the kitchen where she'd left it earlier. Glad she hadn't put the pumps on, she ran to get it.

"Hi," she answered, breathlessly.

"I'm downstairs."

"Shit. I'm not ready yet. Uh…do you mind waiting?"

"Aren't you going to invite me upstairs?" Edward teased.

"I'll bet you're dressed nicely. There's dog hair everywhere," she protested.

"Let me be the judge of that."

"Apartment three," she mumbled. "Just let yourself in. Don't knock or ring the bell," she warned, knowing Harley would go berserk.

Bella was transferring the contents from her purse to a clutch when the door opened. Harley sprang up from the couch then rushed to Edward, jumping up.

"Down. Sit," he commanded, and by some miracle, Harley did as told.

Bella shivered, realizing that commanding voice was reserved for his lifestyle. He caught her staring and smiled. He wet his lips, making a shudder of pleasure course through her body. Her panties would be ruined by the end of the night.

"You look stunning."

She blushed furiously. "You…too."

He chuckled. "I want you do to something for me," he said quietly, walking closer.

"It depends on what…"

He smiled ruefully. "Nothing too outrageous. Since this was my birthday present, I want you to wear it." He pulled a long lace ribbon from his pocket. "It's up to you if you want it around your wrist, your neck, even in your hair, but I'd like you to wear it."

Another shiver rocked through her body.

Bella went to his side, extending her right hand. "Wrap it around my wrist."

He worked slowly, meticulously, testing if it was too tight, then he held her hand in his big one. He brought it to his lips, kissing the back of it.

"Now you're ready," he declared.

"Let me grab my shoes." She noticed they were no longer by the closet, and she turned to glare at Harley. "What did you do to my shoes?"

His ears plastered to the back of his head, his tongue lolling out.

Edward walked to Harley's blanket. "These shoes?"

"Fuck," Bella groaned, hoping they weren't chewed. "If they're ruined, lie to me."

"They're in great shape," he said softly.

"You're an amazing liar," Bella joked.

"No, seriously. He didn't chew them. Look for yourself." He brought them over.

Bella stared incredulously. So, he'd taken them there as a token, or maybe it was his way of telling her she was abandoning him too often lately.

Bella picked out one of the toy bones she'd gotten from the store. "Here, boy." She threw it to his blanket. "Have fun."

Slipping her pumps on and grabbing her clutch, she allowed Edward to lead her out of the studio. Harley abandoned his toy, coming to the door, but Edward kept him from escaping. Bella decided she had to learn that silent command, because she'd chased Harley down the road in only pajamas too many times to count.

When they stepped out of the building, Edward handed her the car keys. She understood that he'd rather not drive again, yet it showed he trusted her.

"You'll have to tell me the way."

"I will." He walked her to the driver's door, opening it for her.

"A girl can get used to this."

"Manners are back in fashion," he joked.

The ride to Edward's friends' house didn't take long. She tried not to show her slight worry when the road wound into wilderness, but Edward promised they would arrive shortly at their destination.

And whoa.

If Edward's house had left her amazed at the modern and sleek looks, his friends' house was just as amazing. It didn't have as much modern vibe, but the dark brown shades and the large windows gave it a more traditional look.

Edward wrapped an arm around her waist on the way to the front door. Before they could knock, the door opened to reveal Alice bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"You made it!" she squealed, throwing her arms around Bella like they were best friends. Then, she turned to hug Edward, whispering into his ear something Bella didn't catch.

Bella noticed Alice's partner waiting in the hallway. When their eyes met, she gasped. She thought she'd seen the last of Dr. Whitlock after the end of her month in therapy. The world was indeed a small place, especially in their small town. The chances of seeing him again were out there, but Bella hadn't thought of crossing paths with him.

"Well…if this isn't a surprise," Dr. Whitlock laughed, taking her in his arms.

"Just when I thought I was finally rid of you," she mocked, giggling.

"You can't escape what you fear," he joked.

"Whatever you say, _doc_." It was easy to fall back into the light banter they'd shared during their sessions. If he hadn't kept it light and knew exactly what to say, she'd have bailed out of the therapy at the end of the first session.

"You two know each other?" Edward's voice was low, deep, somehow upset.

Dr. Whitlock chuckled, facing his friend. "Isabella was my most challenging patient some years ago."

"Your therapy sessions were with Jasper?" Edward asked, startled.

"Well, I didn't know he was your friend. I don't think you mentioned his full name." Bella tapped her chin. "I should've guessed. How many people are named Jasper?"

"This was fate," Alice said seriously.

Bella was about to scoff, but then she thought back on the conversation she'd had with Edward in his office about Angela. Edward seemed to think the same thing, as a smile spread on his face.

"Come on. Act like you're going to enjoy what's coming." Dr. Whitlock…Jasper…waved them inside their house.

The spacious living room gave the vibe that it felt like home. There were personal effects everywhere. Unlike Edward's living room, which had felt cold and unwelcoming.

On the coffee table was a mountain of presents. There was a bucket with a bottle inside and four tall glasses beside it.

Edward groaned, hovering in the doorway. It looked like he wanted to make a run for it.

Bella took his hand, smiling encouragingly. "Come on. I'll bet Alice worked hard on your surprise."

Edward cringed, but he allowed her to pull him to the loveseat on the short side of the coffee table.

Jasper and Alice curled up on the couch, watching them curiously. It looked like they hadn't seen Edward act like that. Was it because of her? Bella doubted she had any power over him, considering his desire was to have power over her. He already had – too much.

"Show me what you've got," Edward said stiffly.

Jasper picked up a wrapped box, chucking it in Edward's direction. He caught it smoothly. "Come on, open it," Jasper urged him.

Edward untied the bow, slowly peeling off the wrapping paper. There was a white box with a lid, and he pried the lid off. His eyes widened when he saw the contents.

"Jasper," he moaned.

"What? You'll have experience after being there for Emmett," Jasper grinned.

"When?" Edward kept his eyes on his friends.

"In December, at the earliest," Alice quipped up. "Of course, Bella will be the bridesmaid!"

Bella startled at being addressed. She hadn't seen the contents of the box, but it was clear Jasper and Alice were getting married. She could have sworn Alice had addressed Jasper as her husband when they'd spoken the previous day.

"Won't you, Bella?" Alice begged.

"Uh…yeah?" Bella wasn't sure how things with Edward would work out, but she could see herself befriending Alice.

"Don't feel pressured by her pushiness," Edward whispered into her ear. "So, when were you going to tell me?" He turned his attention to Jasper.

"It was never a good time, all things considered…" Jasper glanced at Bella for a second before returning his eyes to Edward. "Alice said you'd agree if we surprised you with that picture frame."

Edward pursed his lips. "Of course, I'll be your Best Man, Jasper. So, when did you man up to ask her?"

Alice's eyes welled up, and she turned to press her face into Jasper's shoulder. Jasper kept an arm around her small frame. "A while ago."

Bella noticed the way Edward's jaw clenched. "How long is a while?"

"On Valentine's Day," Jasper whispered carefully.

Edward inhaled sharply, then he stood, leaving the room before Bella could wrap her head around what had happened. The picture in the box was of Jasper and Edward, with the words "Be my Best Man?" taped to the bottom corner.

Bella wanted to get up and follow Edward, not sure where he'd gone or what had upset him so greatly.

She became aware of Alice and Jasper whispering to each other, only for Alice to leave in a hurry the way Edward had disappeared.

"How have you been?" Jasper asked conversationally.

"What's going on here?" Bella was on the edge of her seat, ready to follow Alice.

"I don't know how much Edward told you…"

"He told me about Angela," she said quickly. "Wait…" Bella's eyes widened. "The accident happened in February…"

"Valentine's Day," Japer confirmed.

"Oh, crap." She twisted to look toward the hallway.

"Alice always knows what to say. He'll be okay. I shouldn't have told him the truth." Jasper shook his head.

Bella took a shaky breath. Edward's pain was still new and raw. He clearly wasn't ready for any type of relationship if he still grieved his lost love so badly.

"Tell me something," she whispered.

Jasper nodded, watching her warily.

"Do you think he's ready?"

"I've never seen him so interested before. Even before I knew who you were, which now that I know, it makes sense why he's so captivated…" Jasper smiled. "He asked my advice on how to make it right – how to blend it all for things to run smoothly."

"I thought he had that with Angela."

"Not even close. For some Subs, it's difficult to separate their Dom from their boyfriend. And the other way round. But look at Alice and me. We made it work because our connection runs deeper than some labels."

"So, you think…Edward and I…we'll make it work out, too?"

"I'm sure."

"Bella." Alice appeared in the doorway. "Come with me."

She sprung to her feet, rushing to Alice's side. "How is he?"

Alice led her to the back of the house and through the patio doors. "Go." She nodded to a hunched figure sitting on a sun lounger.

Bella took a shaky breath, walking slowly toward Edward. She had no idea how to be around him, what to say, because he was clearly not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp* A cliffie! Wednesday is not that far away ^_^


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of your worries will be addressed in this chapter and in later chapters.
> 
> Edward is still struggling, but he knows that Bella is the only one able to help him heal.

Edward felt Bella's presence before he heard her approaching. In a moment of selfishness, he'd asked Alice to bring Bella.

She wouldn't understand the depth of his wound, but she'd make it all better by being there. Whenever he was around her, Edward could breathe without feeling any pain.

Bella crouched at the side of his lounge chair, taking his hand. He covered her hand with his other one.

"How can I help?" she whispered in an unsteady voice.

Edward could see her face in the moonlight. There were tears in her eyes. It would be the second time in less than twelve hours that he had made her cry. It had to be some record on what an idiot he was.

"I want to help. Anything," she breathed out.

He squeezed her hand. _Don't go. Never leave me._ Those words would send her running. He couldn't say them. "Your presence here is all I need," he whispered in a rough voice he barely recognized as his own.

"Jasper regrets being truthful about the engagement details," she said softly.

"He shouldn't be."

"If you want to leave, I'm sure they won't mind."

Edward shook his head. Alice had said something similar earlier. "I just need a minute. It took me by surprise, more than anything else." He kept his eyes on Bella's face, drinking in her beautiful features. "It's funny how one friend's night was the best of his life on that fateful day, and how the other friend lost everything."

Bella knelt between his legs, wrapping her arms around him. It mystified Edward how he didn't even flinch at being touched without warning. She didn't need to say anything, and Edward appreciated the silent support.

Bella tilted her head back to look at him. "If it's too soon, let me know. I'll understand."

"What's too soon?" He was confused.

"To have a relationship with me, I can tell you haven't fully healed…" Her eyes dropped, and Edward would have given anything to have her that way some time ago – kneeling at his feet, head down, obedient. At that moment, he wanted her as an equal – as his rock.

"You're helping me heal, Bella." He brushed his fingers over her wet cheek. "Don't cry, please."

"It hurts seeing you so hurt, imagining how lonely you must have been…" She took a shuddering breath.

"This thing is new for both of us. Let's do what comes naturally, but you have to promise me to tell me if anything…if I do something…" For once, words escaped him.

"You'll be the first to know if you do something I don't want. Ask Jake about my mad fighting skills."

Edward's eyes narrowed at the mentioned of that douchebag. "Do I want to know?"

Bella's eyes shined with mirth. "Let's leave it at he refused to understand that I'd rather be friends with him. He tried kissing me – I punched him in the mouth."

Edward laughed loudly. He could picture it happening.

"Nearly took his teeth out, too." She nodded, smugness clear in her voice.

"That's my girl." He leaned in to kiss her.

She tensed under his lips, which made Edward realize what he'd said. "I like the sound of that," she murmured.

"Good. Because you're going to hear it often."

They returned inside the house holding hands.

Jasper stood from the couch when he saw them, but Edward held a hand up, shaking his head.

"Don't. I'm happy for you, man." He went to hug his friend. "My aversion to surprises must run deeper than I thought," Edward said, chuckling.

"You worried me for a second," Jasper said seriously.

"I worried myself." Edward met his eyes before taking a seat next to Bella.

Alice brought over a tray with finger food. Edward caught her winking at Bella, and Bella smiling in return. Maybe Alice had been right about them becoming friends.

It would help Bella understand more about his lifestyle. Alice could explain better than Edward, though he planned to _show_ Bella how pleasurable his lifestyle was.

"Up for one more present?" Alice asked shyly. "No more big surprises," she added.

Edward chewed on the cheese he'd taken from the plate, as he reached for the largest box. It was heavy, too.

"Maybe not that," Jasper interjected.

Edward narrowed his eyes. "Now, I'm curious."

"Open it at home," Jasper insisted.

"You always wanted one," Alice said with a smile.

The curiosity was eating at his gut. It couldn't be worse than the news regarding the date his best friend had asked his girlfriend to marry him.

Edward opened the box, choking on his spit at the sight inside. If it weren't for the paper with instructions on how to assemble it, he wouldn't have guessed what the black thing was. He lifted his head slowly, glaring at Jasper.

"A sex swing?" His voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Alice insisted you'd like it." Jasper shrugged.

Edward dared a look at Bella, who was too still at his side. Her wide brown eyes were focused on the paper on top of the folded swing. Then, their eyes met, and it took all of Edward's effort not to drag her out of the house to the car and back home to test the device. She was clearly not ready for that.

The rest of the presents turned out to be a lot more decent: a new sweater, Edward's favorite cologne, which he was coincidentally running low on, but the best surprise came in the form of tickets to see his favorite rock band.

"Holy shit!" Bella shouted when she saw them. "These were sold out from the first hour they went on sale!"

"There are two for a reason," Edward said slowly.

Her eyes lit up. "Are you sure?"

"Of course." Edward handed her the tickets, as he reached for the last present. Alice had gone overboard, like usual.

Alice snatched the small box before Edward could touch it. "Maybe not this one," she said warily.

Jasper pressed his lips together, fighting amusement.

"If it's bad, it's best I don't know about it," Edward accepted.

"It's not bad," she mumbled. "I got it yesterday after talking to Bella."

Bella glanced up from the tickets when she heard her name.

Edward sighed. He could only guess it was something involving his lifestyle.

"It's for Bella, not you," Alice conceded. If Edward didn't know her better, he'd think she was blushing.

"Me?" Bella squeaked.

" _Alice_ ," Edward warned her, meeting Jasper's eyes, asking without words how bad it was. Jasper was still trying not to laugh.

"Is that an instruction manual on how to understand Edward?" Bella asked, amused.

While Edward clenched his hands at her brazenness, because by now, Bella knew what he allowed and what he didn't, Jasper threw his head back, laughing loudly.

Alice giggled as well. "It's better." She handed Bella the box.

Edward worked on his breathing, as Bella carefully unwrapped the present. It was as small as her palm, but the possibilities were endless. She made sure to open the lid enough for only her eyes to peek inside. Judging by the blush on her cheeks, it was something kinky.

 _If that present scared her away before he had a chance with her…_ Edward turned his murderous look on Jasper, who was still shaking in laughter.

"I figured you'd want something for tonight." Alice shrugged.

Bella closed the lid, her face redder than he'd ever seen it. Bella swallowed several times, avoiding Edward's eyes.

"Show me to the bathroom, Alice?"

Alice squealed loudly, jumping to her feet. "You'll love it!" she promised Edward, winking as she led Bella out of the room.

"What the hell?" Edward snapped. "Would you stop laughing, Jasper?"

"I'm trying," he wheezed out. "But you're too funny, Cullen."

"Glad I can amuse you."

"Trust Alice," he grinned widely. "It's for Bella, but it's more for you."

"Well, that explains it." Edward rolled his eyes, hoping Jasper caught the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "We're not staying for the champagne," he said when he heard the girls returning.

"Then, take it with you. Alice will be upset if you don't. It's your favorite."

Jasper helped him pack up all the presents.

"Oh, you're leaving?" Alice pouted from the doorway, seeing the large gift bag holding all the presents.

"It's late," Edward explained.

She nodded. "I'm glad you came over."

"Could I ever say no to you?" he groaned, hugging her. "By the way, congratulations, I never got the chance to say it."

She went to Jasper's side, snuggling. "Thank you."

"Thanks for putting up with this," Jasper waved to the living room. "Have a nice night!"

Bella's giggle caught Edward's attention. He felt left out from some important inside joke.

Bella drove faster than before, which brought them in front of his house in less than twenty minutes.

It was close to eleven o'clock according to the display on the microwave.

Edward led the way to his bedroom. He placed the bag with the presents in front of his closet, turning to find Bella standing by the door. She was balancing on one leg, taking her pumps off her feet slowly.

If it were up to him, she'd wear them and nothing else.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" he demanded, stalking to her side.

She took a step back, bumping into the closed door. She didn't look scared, which was a good thing, because Edward planned to initiate her into the art of pleasure.

Bella looked up coyly between her long lashes, her lips parted. "You'll have to unwrap me to discover your last present."

Fuck if Edward didn't feel like an inexperienced teenager for a second. His dick twitched uncomfortably in his dress pants.

"This sort of behavior is punishable, Ms. Swan."

Bella's breath hitched. "I'm looking forward to it… _Sir_."

"Fuck." Edward walked her into the door until their bodies were pressed together. His mouth covered hers, as his hands roamed her covered body. His fingers pulled the zipper down, and with Bella's help, the dress pooled at her feet. "Shit." He took a step back to admire her body.

She was wearing only satin underwear. This had to be Alice's gift, but Edward could barely focus on the dark blue panties. His hands cupped her naked breasts, as his lips peppered kisses over her neck and collarbone.

"You like?" she gasped, her fingers knotting in his hair.

"They're nice, but I'd rather see them on the floor," he admitted.

"Alice told me about how good it would feel if I wore them while you went down on me," she said confidently.

"She did, huh?" Edward grabbed Bella's hips, lifting her up until her knees were on his shoulders.

She cried out, grabbing at his hair. "Don't drop me! What are you doing?"

"Have some faith. I won't drop you." He nosed at the inside of her thigh, inhaling her aroused scent.

"Oh, God!"

"It's just Edward, sweetheart." He pressed his mouth to her soaking wet panties.

None of his previous Subs had been so responsive. He kept sucking and lapping at her covered sex until Bella's legs started shaking.

"Don't come," he demanded.

"Aaaahhhh!" She lifted her arms, grabbing at the doorframe, her back arching. He could feel her sex quivering, so he pulled away, only blowing over her heated, covered skin. "Oh, God…Jesus…Please!"

Edward grinned, loving the sound of her falling apart. He caught the skin on her inner thigh between his teeth, and she jumped before shouting in fright.

"I've got you. I won't let you fall," Edward promised, holding her still with a hand on her ass and one on the small of her back.

"Please, please! I'm so close."

Edward skimmed his nose over her wet, covered sex. Bella all but mewled, panting loudly. Then, he went back to sucking the soft material.

"Holy fuck! Holy shit! Oh…oh…oh…GOD!" Bella arched into his mouth, as her scent exploded around him, wetness gushing out of her.

"You came," he said, surprised. As pleased as he was to have extracted such an intense orgasm out of her, he wasn't used to being disobeyed.

Bella melted into him, as he helped her down, taking her to the bed. "You're still dressed." She reached with shaky hands to undo his pants, but he stepped away from the bed.

"You came without my permission," he repeated.

Bella clenched her thighs, bracing herself on her elbows. She wet her lips, daring him to punish her for something she had no idea how to control.

Edward sighed loudly, grounding himself. He had to remind himself she had no training.

"Let's try again. You _can_ hold your release," he whispered.

She snorted. "I'll probably die of overstimulation before I'm able to hold my orgasm."

"Your body will learn how to listen to my commands. Then, you'll experience that freedom you're curious about."

She fell back on the bed. "Teach me."

"That's my girl," Edward grinned, covering her body with his. "Mind if I bring something else into our play? Just a vibrator."

"Yes."

Edward pushed her thighs apart, cupping her sensitive bundle of nerves and squeezing. She seized against him, writhing, trying to escape. "What was that?"

Bella's eyes widened in realization. "Yes… _Sir_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is everyone ready for next chapter?
> 
> PS: I'm almost done writing this story. It turned out to be a monster of 50+ chapters, so brace yourselves for a long ride.
> 
> Comments make me happy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the lemonade, or should we call it hot chocolate?

Bella thrashed around, panting and gasping for air. Her hands were tied to the headboard with the ribbon she'd gotten Edward for his birthday. Her legs wouldn't stop shaking at how badly she was straining against coming.

Edward was restless.

Her body was his favorite instrument, and he played it perfectly.

Bella was still wearing the satin panties Alice had forced upon her, while Edward was still wearing his dress pants. His shirt was unbuttoned to the third button, his sleeves rolled to his elbows, but he hadn't made any conscious effort to take it off.

At that moment, he was on the fifth attempt to teach her to hold her release. After the first blissful orgasm, Bella had tried to stall the impending volcano in her tummy from exploding, but each time, Edward did something new to bring her over the edge. It was like he wanted her to fail.

The vibrator was shoved into her folds, only the satin separating it from touching her skin. It was set on the highest speed, if the previous experiences said anything. Edward was busy licking and sucking at her nipples. Then, he started rubbing the vibrator against her swollen sex.

"Oh God." Bella tugged at her restrains, her whole body shaking.

She clenched her teeth, trying to think of anything that would help to keep the orgasm at bay. But Edward's lips, his tongue, his teeth, and most importantly – the vibrations on her wet sex were slowly spiraling her toward another failure.

"Please! Please, Sir." She had stopped finding it odd to call him that. "Please."

Edward's hot breath was on her face, his lips licking her cheeks, which she realized were covered in her tears.

"Just a little longer, baby."

She gasped, suddenly cold and vulnerable when he pulled away. The vibrator was chucked to the floor.

Her eyes stayed on Edward at the foot of the bed, undressing hurriedly. She nearly came just by watching his glorious body. She stared, amused, as his hands shook while he ripped a condom foil.

He was just as excited as her.

When he climbed on the bed, settling between her open legs, Bella tugged at the restrains. She wanted to touch him. Edward didn't pay her demand any mind. He leaned over to kiss a line down her jaw to her shoulder until his lips wrapped around her left nipple again. He seemed addicted to her breasts.

"You'll come when I've moved three times inside you." His voice was rough and husky.

"Yes, Sir," she breathed out, lifting her hips. "Please."

He peeled the ruined panties down her legs, throwing them over his shoulder.

"Demanding, aren't we?" He held her hips on his lap, as he slowly inched inside her.

"Stop!" She clenched her muscles, squeezing her eyes shut.

When she felt him freeze above her, she remembered his promise to always stop when she wanted him to.

"Don't go," she added when she felt him withdrawing. "Just give me a moment. I don't want to fail this time."

He breathed in what sounded like relief. When Bella opened her eyes, she found his concerned green eyes on her. She nodded, and Edward braced himself with on hand on her hip and one holding himself up near her head.

He made sure the three strokes were long and languid.

"Come," he breathed into her ear.

Bella bucked into him, as her world exploded around her. It felt like she was floating above the bed, disconnected from her body.

She was brought back to their activities by Edward fucking her hard. She was sensitive all over, and when she felt her sex quivering again, Bella was sure her heart would explode from the sheer pleasure. Edward didn't falter his aggressive pace, extracting two more orgasms from her spent body, before he collapsed next to her.

Bella was vaguely aware of her hands being untied, but she was too blissed out to move one inch. She felt a soft material covering her sensitive body, making her shake in aftershocks. She thought she heard Edward chuckle.

Morning brought dark clouds outside the large window of Edward's room. It was such a contrast to what she felt.

Bella rolled onto her side, surprised she still had a body. She was sure she'd left it somewhere behind her with what Edward had made her feel during the night.

He was on his stomach, sleeping soundly. The sheet covered his lower back and ass, leaving the rest of his back open for her gawking.

The tiny scars had to be from his time in that club he'd told her about in his first email. Bella wasn't going to ask. She knew better than to ask unwanted questions about scars.

She tucked his hair behind his ear, kissing the spot where his jawline met his neck.

"Mmmm…" he groaned, blinking slowly.

"Morning," she whispered into his ear, taking his lobe into her mouth.

"I'd say it's a very good morning."

She rolled him onto his back, pulling the sheet aside. She licked her lips, eyeing his hard dick. Edward grabbed her wrist before she could reach for it. She shook her hand free, accomplishing her task. He groaned loudly.

It was his turn to feel like he was losing his mind.

Bella leaned in to take him into her mouth. She'd only gone down on one of her previous trysts, but tasting Edward wasn't as horrible as she'd remembered. Sure, it wasn't the best thing she had ever tasted, but he deserved it for how he'd made her feel.

Bella wasn't sure if what she did felt good for him, but then, she was flipped onto her back. Edward ripped a condom foil with his teeth, spitting the plastic away. Then, he was inside her, moving urgently.

"Fuck," she cried out. Her sex was still sensitive after the previous night. "Oh, God! Tell me I can come."

He chuckled, wrapping his fingers into her hair, bringing her mouth to his. "Come as much as you want, Bella."

Her eyes rolled back when he shoved his tongue deep inside her mouth. She shuddered against him, making him curse.

It didn't last as long as she'd wanted, but they had both been too keyed up to prolong the outcome.

"You had me convinced, Mr. Cullen," she teased.

"A little too late to change your mind now, don't you think?"

She grinned. "What time is it?"

He reached for his phone, chuckling. "It's barely six."

"Oh." She'd been sure it was much later.

"You have to go," he said quietly, touching her face.

"Yes. I want this." She kissed his lips. "All of it."

Edward smiled, hugging her to his sweaty chest. "How about a shower before I let you go?"

"But no hanky-panky. I'm kind of sore."

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

After the shower in his obscenely big bathroom, Edward opened the doors of his walk-in closet, frowning.

"I guess I fully understand the walk of shame concept," Bella mumbled, picking up her dress from the door.

"You won't have to do it if the idea of wearing some borrowed clothes doesn't disturb you," Edward said slowly, still frowning.

Bella held her dress in her hands, staring at him confused. "I still have to bring you back that shirt."

"Forget about it." He extended his hand, "Come here."

She gasped at the sight of rows of women's clothes on the left side of his walk-in closet. It took her a fraction of a second to understand why he had these clothes.

"You never gave them away?" she guessed, as a shiver ran down her spine.

"Like I said…if it doesn't disturb you. Some still have the tags on them." He pointed to a pair of black yoga pants. "Please, take them. I've been thinking about donating all of them. I'm ready to move on."

Bella swallowed hard. "Thank you," she accepted the sweats, "But could I borrow a shirt from you?"

His lips quirked up. "I like seeing you in my clothes."

"And to think, I wouldn't wear any underwear…" she mused aloud, dropping the towel.

"Get dressed, before I bend you over." Edward turned to look through his section of clothes.

Bella knew she was pushing her luck, but she never knew when to shut up. "For more sex or for a spanking?"

Edward dropped the belt he'd picked, turning slowly to face her. "You're not ready for my punishments, Isabella."

"What if I want to be spanked?"

"So help me…get dressed!" he snapped.

Bella felt like a berated child, as she pulled on the pants and the black shirt he offered her. Her current attire didn't go with her pumps, so she held them in her hand, along with her dress. She trailed after Edward to the kitchen, wondering if they'd part ways upset.

"Tanya, make my coffee to go. Make sure Bella gets something to eat before she leaves."

Bella's mouth dropped. What the hell.

Tanya watched them, entertained. So much for the staff being discreet as Bella had thought. Maybe that was only Felix?

"Felix has the car outside," Tanya said, pouring the coffee from the black mug into a travel cup.

Edward steered Bella to a stool. "Sit. You need to eat before going."

"And you don't?" she challenged.

"I have brunch with a client. I'll bet Jane already has some pastry waiting on my desk, anyway."

Bella realized how everyone around him was a step ahead to please him, and she was three steps behind to upset him.

She looped her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry for earlier."

"We'll have to discuss that later."

"I'm working tonight. I'll get Friday and the weekend off," she offered.

"Okay." Edward combed his fingers through her damp hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Bella tried not to think of the audience. She kept her arms around his waist, tilting her head so she could kiss him properly. Edward smiled against her lips.

When he was gone, Bella turned to grab the only mug of coffee left on the island counter. She was surprised to find a plate holding toast, two slices of bacon, and some scrambled eggs next to her coffee.

Bella picked up the fork, carefully cutting into the scrambled eggs.

"So, how long have your worked for Edward?" she asked curiously.

Tanya leaned over the counter, keeping her dark eyes on her. "Long enough."

She didn't look all that old, not like the usual maid would be, but what did Bella know about such things?

Tanya sounded on the edge of hostility, and Bella had no idea why.

"Thanks for breakfast," she said, trying to mollify her.

"You're not exactly Mr. Cullen's type. Whatever game you're playing, you'd better drop it before he gets hurt. Because I've seen him hurt, and I don't plan on seeing it again." Her words cut deep into Bella's insecurities.

Bella managed a few more bites and a gulp of coffee, before picking up her dress and shoes. She stopped at the front door, turning to Tanya.

"Tell Edward I'm sorry."

Tanya nodded seriously, smirking victoriously when Bella turned to go.

If the staff knew him as well as this, maybe Edward had been the one playing games. Why would he try so hard? He'd known from moment one that Bella had no clue what his lifestyle meant, and that she might never be able to give him what he wanted.

All the way home, Bella sobbed her heart out. It was a miracle she didn't crash the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you on Wednesday?
> 
> I know most of you liked Tanya, well...she is the good guy. She's looking out for Edward, and Bella's too insecure.
> 
> There won't be too much drama regarding this. I promise.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like, I promised, we won't drag their time spent apart.

Evading Edward hadn't been as difficult as Bella had thought.

He had called insistently only the first couple of days after Bella had decided to accept that they weren't meant to be. He hadn't tried contacting her after, or coming to the pub demanding an explanation.

It had been close to three weeks, and she wasn't feeling any better. In the short amount of time they'd spent together, Bella had fallen for him.

On the drive home from the local market, Bella thought of a song they had played at Eclipse the other night.

_They say, "All good boys go to heaven"  
But bad boys bring heaven to you_

Truer words had never been spoken.

As Bella drove up, she noticed in front of her building stood a frightening-looking Alice. Bella thought briefly to keep driving, ignoring the fact that their eyes had met.

Picking up the grocery bags, Bella made her way to Alice. "Hi, Alice."

Alice huffed loudly, taking the keys from Bella. She led the way to her studio, unlocking the door. She placated Harley, ushering him to his bed, before joining Bella in the kitchen.

"Is this a social visit?" Bella asked curiously.

"It's an intervention," Alice hissed. "To help you pull your head out of your ass!"

"What?" Bella frowned.

"I don't know what happened between you and Edward, but he's hogging Jasper with endless conversations about how he ruins everything he touches." Alice folded her arms across her chest. "I eavesdropped on their conversations. I don't even care if Jasper is going to punish me for being here, but you need to hear this."

Bella tried to wrap her head around the fact that Alice risked punishment for being there to tell her that Edward was depressed.

"By the looks of it, you're not doing any better. So, care to tell me what the hell happened? You were so happy when you left our place that day."

Bella looked down, unable to meet Alice's eyes. "The next morning, Edward was in a hurry. He left me alone with Tanya…"

"Oh, fuck." Alice rummaged through her purse. She put her phone to her ear. "Jazz, you have to hear this." She cringed. "I'm at Bella's…It's a long story…Tanya got to her that morning…" Alice glared. "You should see her, Jazz." Alice's eyes scanned her, and Bella squirmed. She was aware of her unkempt appearance and that she had lost weight. "That's my plan." She grinned widely. "I know I'm a genius, babe. See you soon."

"You mean…" Bella started then stopped, unsure what she wanted to say.

"Tanya is a cunning bitch. Wait until Edward finds out she's behind this."

"No, you're wrong. She said I wasn't right for him, and that she didn't want to see him suffering."

"Damn, she's good," Alice scowled. "And you believed _her_? Edward hadn't convinced you how much he wanted you?"

"I couldn't see why he'd want me – I'd probably never be able to satisfy him the way he wants."

"Silly Bella." Alice took her hands. "Edward loves you the way you are."

"Loves me?" Bella scoffed.

"You love him, too, or you wouldn't be suffering." Alice gave her a pointed look. "Now, let's get you a shower and have you dress nicely. You're going to Edward."

Bella couldn't even argue.

It had been so easy to believe Tanya. Edward wanting Bella didn't make much sense.

When Bella smelled like her chocolate shower gel and had considerably less hair on her legs, Alice handed her a pair of jean shorts and a sleeveless shirt, along with her Chucks. Bella was grateful Alice hadn't gotten her some present like the last time.

Alice was waiting on the couch, her eyes on her phone's screen.

"I know the way to Edward's house," Bella said. "You don't have to…"

"Shhhh." She grinned at her phone. "You're right." Alice looked up, still smiling. "Don't worry about Harley. Jasper just agreed to take him to our house. You didn't meet our dogs when you visited, but I'm sure Harley will love to run around with them."

"He's an escape artist. Besides, I couldn't ask…"

"I offered. I have a feeling you're going to spend the next few days with Edward. Good thing Tanya's visiting her sister, or he'd have probably fired her. He needs some time to cool off."

Bella stared at Alice, not sure what else to say.

"You should pack some spare clothes. Do you have any fancy dresses?" Alice tapped her chin, walking to Bella's drawers.

"Not really. Why would I need a fancy dress?"

"Because this upcoming weekend, it's Edward's sister's wedding. You're going with him."

Such scary predictions made the hairs on Bella's neck stand at attention.

"You're a four," Alice gave her a once-over, "or maybe a six."

"My dresses are a six. I don't like them hugging my body," Bella explained.

Alice nodded seriously. "I'll drop by tomorrow. Try not to answer the door naked."

"Alice, I don't even know if Edward will forgive me…"

"Just go and find out for yourself how much alike you both are," she rolled her eyes, "and don't worry about Harley."

Bella went to pet her dog's head, and then she picked up her bag and left. If anyone other than Alice had told her Tanya had lied, she wouldn't have believed them.

.

.

.

Edward paced around the living room, rehashing the details for the important meeting Ben had to attend without him. Edward had figured taking some time off work to help Emmett and Rosalie with last minute shit would take his mind off Bella, but it turned out they didn't need extra help. This left him with copious amounts of time on his hands.

It hadn't taken Edward much to understand that he'd managed to somehow scare Bella off. He wasn't that pathetic to seek her out and beg her to take him back.

He had been too intense, too commanding.

Maybe Angela's clothes still in his closet had been a wake-up call for her that he was far more messed up than she expected. He'd cleaned the closet out by the end of that week.

Tanya had relayed Bella's message, and Edward had noticed how worried Tanya looked when he had frozen in shock. She had tried telling him that it could have been an apology for how Bella had behaved that morning, but Edward knew better.

That was until Jasper's phone call, right before Ben interrupted with his own call.

Now that Edward had hung up with Ben, he could focus on the news Jasper had told him. Tanya had told Bella they wouldn't be a good match. And Bella had believed her, because she already had her doubts.

Edward cursed loudly.

He'd been an idiot himself for not fighting harder.

Tanya should be so happy she was visiting her sister, or she'd be jobless right now. Edward knew that by the time Tanya returned on Sunday, he'd have cooled off.

The sound of a car approaching made him pivot on his heel to glare out the window. If it was Emmett, coming to complain about the bachelor party, Edward was going for the jugular.

But it wasn't his future brother-in-law. It was Bella's Nova.

Edward ran out of the house, stopping in front of her car just as she stepped out. She watched him nervously.

"Goddammit!" He enveloped her in his arms, and she sagged into his embrace. He pressed his face into her hair, inhaling her scent.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Why did you believe a lie?"

"Because it made sense," she mumbled, pulling away to look into his eyes. "But I can see that we've both been idiots."

He chuckled, keeping his arms around her waist, lifting her up until she wrapped her legs around his hips. "Silly Bella. I must've been doing something wrong that night for you not to see what you mean to me."

"Care for an encore?" she breathed into his ear.

"As many as you wish." He claimed her lips in a deep kiss.

He walked her into his bedroom, getting reacquainted with her body. He promised himself to always show her what she meant to him, so she'd never doubt his feelings again.

It was late that night when they left his room in search of food.

Bella had on another shirt she had borrowed from him and her panties, while Edward hadn't bothered with more than boxers.

"Oh," Bella exclaimed, stopping abruptly, as the kitchen came in sight.

Edward looked up to see Felix there, surrounded by take-out boxes. Edward squeezed Bella's hand, pulling her toward the island counter.

"What do you have there?" he asked casually.

Felix glanced at them, not surprised to see Bella. He'd probably seen the car up front.

"Various pasta dishes."

"Well, unless you plan to eat them all alone, let's divide them onto three plates." Edward didn't wait for an answer, going to get said plates.

Bella took over the task of piling food on each plate when she saw Felix picking forkfuls from the boxes then dumping them on the plates.

"So, we're still on for tomorrow night?" Felix asked, keeping his eyes on the fork in his hand.

Edward groaned. "It was never my idea, but I guess every guy deserves a bachelor party. Did you hear back from the club?"

"That's the thing." Felix rubbed his palm over his short hair. "They cancelled earlier."

"And when were you going to tell me?"

"Now?" Felix grinned, meeting his eyes.

"Fuck. Never mind. We can hold the party here. Tanya deserves to scrub the whole house on her knees after what she's done."

Bella gasped. "She was just looking out for you," she whispered.

"Don't worry. I'm still mad at her, and she knows it. No wonder she's been extra nice to me ever since you left." Edward rolled his eyes, pulling one of the plates in front of him.

"So, you need a place to hold a bachelor party?" Bella asked after some time. "I'm sure Gary won't mind helping you host it at Eclipse…if it's not too trashy."

"That's not a bad idea," Felix said through a mouthful of pasta.

"We're six people?" Edward glanced at Felix, who nodded. "I don't need the whole pub. Does it have a private area?"

"Not really, but it can be arranged. We've held bachelor and birthday parties in there before," Bella smiled. "Just let me call Gary and talk to him about this. When do you need it?"

"Tomorrow."

Bella frowned. "It can be arranged. I mean, Emmett is my friend. He even invited me to the wedding, but I told him I had no place there."

"Now, you do." Edward touched her hand, smiling. He noticed Felix staring at them and threw him a nasty look.

Felix used to be more discreet, but that had been years ago, before they became friends. Edward guessed they crossed the boss/employee line when Felix had to pick him up from his own vomit and take him to bed back in March, or maybe it had been during those times when he'd joined Edward shooting hoops in the backyard the previous year.

Tanya knew better, or so Edward had believed, until he found out she'd betrayed him in the worst way. He understood she was only looking out for him, but he was an adult, and he could choose for himself who he wanted to fuck without her approval.

While Bella talked to Garrett, Felix helped Edward load the dishwasher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all on Saturday!
> 
> Happy Holidays! :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the time you spare to let me know how much you enjoy this story!
> 
> I trust you all had a good time this Christmas, as much as possible during the current situation in the world.
> 
> I'd also like to thank gabby1017 for helping me with catching silly mistakes in my writing.

The pub was pretty packed for a Thursday night, but thankfully Gary had allowed her to help only the bachelor's party table. The group was loud, but she was used to it.

Bella returned to their table with fresh beers. As she leaned between two of Emmett's friends, to place the bottles on the table, one hand shot up, pinching her ass. Before she could dump one of the bottles in the offender's lap, Edward lunged at the man, twisting his hand behind his back. She stared in horror and wonder, as Edward spat curses in the man's face, threatening to break his fingers if they ever went in contact with Bella's skin again.

Emmett clapped Edward's back, when he returned to his seat, seething. "Chill, man! Alistair is just messing around. You know he's next to tie the noose around his neck."

Edward shoved Emmett away from him. He stood up, heading to the bar.

"Sorry," Alistair smiled apologetically. "Maybe you should switch me to water."

"Good choice." Bella nodded, intercepting Paul on her way to the bar. "Bring some water to my table. I'm taking a break."

"Sure, Bella." He winked, disappearing toward the large refrigerator behind the bar.

Bella hooked a finger in one of the loopholes of Edward's jeans, pulling him after her. He stumbled a little until he found his footing, before he followed her silently.

She took him to the back alley, wishing she'd brought her smokes, too.

"That wasn't necessary," she said quietly.

"He fucking pinched your ass!" He almost growled.

"Men had done worse. You do realize that he's not the first to cope a feel, right?" She crowded him into the wall, keeping her eyes on his. In the darkness, only the whites were visible.

He did growl this time. "No one is allowed to touch you!"

"And what are you going to do about it? Tattoo on my forehead Property of Edward Cullen?" Bella challenged, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of their conversation.

His hands pulled her closer, holding her hips in a tight grip. "As much as I don't like markings on such a perfect skin…" He traced the back of his fingers over Bella's bare arm. "I might consider it, but not on your forehead…" He grab fistfuls of her ass, making her groan.

"Are you serious?" she breathed out.

"I'm not sure." He bent his head to kiss her with feral hunger. "Fuck." He spun them around, lifting her up and slamming her back against the brick wall. His fingers curved around the hem of her panties, finding her folds. He didn't waste much time, pumping two fingers into her wetness.

Bella moaned loudly. Her fingers were in his hair, as she thrust her hips into his hand, searching for release. Even though the material of her panties should have irritated her skin, it added to the arousal as it rubbed against her folds with each pump of Edward's fingers.

Bella remembered a time she'd masturbated, in the same alley, to the email Edward had sent her about his fantasies. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Oh! Oh! Right there," she gasped out, biting on her lower lip.

Tears sprung into her eyes when he pulled away. She hoped this wasn't some game to test her on whether if she could hold her orgasm. She was ready to take matters in her own hands when she heard the sounds of his zipper being pulled down.

"Oh, God!" That was the hottest sound in the world.

Edward grabbed her face in his hand, kissing her roughly as he arranged her legs around his waist. He kept her pressed into the wall with his chest as he rolled a condom on his erection, then he pushed into her. He cursed loudly into her ear, as he started moving in jerky movements. It meant he was just as close as she was.

"Bella? Your table is out of control!" Paul was in the doorway, but thankfully he couldn't see her behind the dumpster.

Edward cupped a hand over her mouth, as a loud moan exploded from her lips.

"You, kinky girl," he rasped into her ear.

They heard the metal door being shut a minute later, but not before Paul muttered about being abandoned.

Edward's hands went under her ass, his fingers digging into her flesh, and he fucked her quickly. They came undone, covering their moans of pleasure with more kisses.

"You're downright addictive, Bella. I can't get enough."

"I'm confident enough to say you got yourself a lifetime supply of your Bella drug."

He chuckled into her hair. "Let's break the party and take Emmett home, before my sister kills me."

They returned inside the pub, confident that their absence hadn't been noticed by the party-goers. Paul ambushed Bella as soon as she appeared into his line of vision.

So much for basking in the afterglow of their hot romp in the back alley.

"I don't care where you've been, but you better get them all out. This might be your pub, B, but your friends are going to scare the patrons."

"Call five cabs, please," Edward told him on the way to the loud table.

Bella tried not to laugh at the sight of a drunken Emmett. He was downright funny.

Edward dropped her hand as they stopped at the table, but his touch left a tingling feeling on her skin. She'd never had such a connection with anyone.

.

.

.

Edward was glad to see the last cab driving away with Emmett's moronic friends. He couldn't even feel bad about the way he'd pushed Alistair in the backseat of the last cab and how he'd hit his head on the doorframe. It served him right for daring to touch Bella.

Edward took a calming breath, because he had to endure Emmett before he had to face Rosalie. The thought of Emmett getting his drunken ass kicked by his future bride made Edward chuckle. Unless, she decided to kick Edward's ass for getting her fiancé drunk.

The drive to his sister's place wasn't long, but it seemed to last forever with Emmett singing loudly, off-key from the backseat, then shaking Edward's seat, demanding to pull over. It seemed like Emmett had enough presence of mind to open the right side door when Edward stopped the car. All he managed was to lean out of the car, enough not to vomit inside.

Edward should be mad at himself for allowing Emmett to drink so much, but he'd been distracted by Bella looking sinfully good in her short skirt and tight top. Once Emmett felt better, Edward continued driving.

Bella sat in the passenger seat, too quiet. She probably hadn't seen Emmett drunk before.

"Stay here," Edward whispered, after he parked in front of his sister's house.

He pulled Emmett out, supporting most of the oaf's weight, shuffling to the door. Edward was trying to unlock the door with the keys he'd fished from Emmett's pocket, when his sister snatched the door open.

"Oh, Emmett!" she sighed loudly, reaching for him.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Do you want to be crushed under his weight?"

"How much did he have to drink?" she asked, hovering by her fiancé's side as Edward dragged him to the bedroom.

"I didn't keep count," Edward muttered. He helped Emmett sit on the side of the bed. Emmett promptly fell backwards, falling asleep. "Pathetic."

Rose pulled her brother down the hallway. "You have no right to judge him for having fun."

"Please, Rose. I'm not ready for one of your speeches."

She touched his elbow slowly, gripping it. "Tell me if you're all right."

His family had noticed he hadn't been himself lately. It was bound for them to notice something was wrong after he'd been so happy for a few short weeks, only to fall back into the dark pit.

"Everything is perfect. See you on Saturday." He leaned to kiss her cheek. "If you need my help in the meantime, let me know."

"Everything is taken care of," she said softly.

"Good. Look, I have to go." He hurried to the front door, but she was hot on his heels.

"When am I going to meet her?" Rosalie demanded. "She's already hurt you."

"It's complicated," Edward muttered. "You'll meet her at the wedding." He opened the door before she could keep him in there for longer than necessary.

"Did you drive?" Rosalie's voice raised, close to hysterical.

"Relax, sis. It's not my first time behind the wheel since… I'm okay."

Rosalie narrowed her eyes toward the car, and Edward was happy to see that Bella wasn't visible, just her shape, in the dark car.

"Sorry I got Emmett drunk." Edward hugged her quickly, before jogging to the car. He stared after his sister, returning inside the house, as he snapped the seatbelt in place. "Ready?" He glanced at Bella, only to find her curled against the passenger door, fast asleep.

Smiling at the sight, he started driving home. He still couldn't believe she had somehow agreed to be his.

He drove slowly, enjoying the nonexistent traffic so late at night.

At home, he was grateful for Felix opening the front door, before Edward could figure out how to unlock it and press the door handle with Bella in his arms.

"Thanks. Good night, Felix," he said on his way to his room.

"Night, sir."

Edward decided not to undress Bella, or she might wake. That was the last thing he wanted. She was tired. She had been in as much pain as him.

Edward lay next to her for a long time before sleep claimed him. He talked himself out of firing Tanya about a dozen times. Truth was, she was damn good at her job, and Edward doubted he'd find anyone as discreet and skilled as her. The woman had even hidden talents – like playing nurse and saving Edward from himself. That part absolved her mostly, because Edward knew she had meant well. She had even tried to rectify her mistake by telling him to go after Bella, but she had been too much of a coward to admit to his face what she had done.

In the morning, he woke up to the sound of water running from his bathroom.

There were such small things that he'd forgotten about. Those otherwise common sounds letting him know there was someone else in his house, in his room…

Smiling, Edward padded to the bathroom. Bella was scrubbing at her face with a wad of paper towels and cotton balls. Her make-up was under her eyes and running down her cheeks, giving her an authentic Goth look.

"Ugh. I'm a mess," she protested. "I forgot the make-up removal at home, no thanks to Alice shoving me out the door."

Edward chuckled, going to hug her from behind. He pressed his lips to her bare shoulder.

That sidetracked him. What happened to her clothes?

Then he checked how she was dressed and bit back a moan. She'd showered, judging by her wet hair and his red towel was wrapped around her body.

"I could check in Tanya's room, if she has any make-up removal," Edward offered, combing his fingers through her wet locks.

"Oh. That… If it's not too much?"

"I'll be right back."

Edward decided they needed to make a list with stuff Bella would need while she came over, because if he'd have it his way, she wouldn't be spending much time in her crappy studio.

When he opened Tanya's room, he reeled back in shock.

Tanya was back from visiting her sister. She had her bag opened on the bed, unpacking.

"Sir," she mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

Edward hadn't expected to see her. It was for everyone's best that he didn't have his speech prepared.

"I'm so sorry for what I caused. Felix told me that Miss Swan is back."

Edward was surprised by how politely Tanya was talking about Bella. She hadn't bothered with his other Subs, not even with Angela.

"Please, just let me know if I should bother finish unpacking…or should I pack up what's left and…"

"Tanya." Edward halted her ramblings with a hand raised. She flinched, which made him wonder how lowly she thought of him. "Please finish unpacking, but before you do that, do you have any make-up removal?"

She stared at him curiously, then plucked her toiletries bag, extracting a tall bottle from it. She offered it to him, still confused.

"Bella forgot hers at home," he explained. "I trust you to be on your best behavior until we have a chat."

"She'll need some of these, too." Tanya handed him a box of cotton pads.

"Thanks."

She nodded quickly. "Should I start breakfast?"

"Sure." He left the room, taking a calming breath. He wasn't sure how he should approach this delicate situation. He never had to punish any of his employees.

Tanya was already suffering, regretting her actions, but she deserved some sort of punishment from him.

Inside his bathroom, he found Bella still in front of the mirror, trying to erase the black mascara from under her eyes. He handed her the bottle and the cotton pads Tanya had given him.

"Thanks," she whispered, grateful.

Edward stepped out of his sleep pants, heading into the shower stall. He smirked, at the gasp that left Bella's lips.

"Care for another shower?" he asked, turning the faucet on and allowing the steaming hot water to cascade over his body.

Bella shook her head, focused on cleaning her face.

It hadn't been his intention to tease her as he started washing, but it didn't take long for Bella to leave the bathroom, mumbling about 'teasing assholes'. Edward was yet again surprised by his reaction – instead of being insanely angry at her for calling him names, he laughed.

Once he was done in the bathroom, he got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, going in search of Bella. She had prepared their coffee, which made him wonder where the hell Tanya was.

Bella was sitting on one of the bar stools at the kitchen island, typing on her phone. Edward wrapped his arms around her shoulders, moving her hair out of the way to be able to kiss the delicate skin on her neck. She shuddered under his touch.

"Plans for today?" He kept kissing up and down her neck, hoping to hint at what he planned on doing.

"Alice will be here in two hours with my dress for tomorrow," Bella answered, finally placing the phone down.

"I hope she doesn't plan on playing dress-up. That takes ages."

Bella tilted her head to look at him, grinning. "I hate playing dress-up, so she doesn't have a good Barbie subject."

"Good." He kissed her wetly. His hands went to her waist, turning her around as he stepped between her legs. Then, he lifted her up onto the counter, all the while kissing her.

The naughty girl was wearing one of his t-shirts and her panties only.

"Fuck, Bella." He groaned into her mouth, his hands skimming over her bare thighs and up, until they touched her stomach. Her muscles quivered under his touch, and he allowed his fingers to travel higher to her boobs. Just as his thumb stroked over her pebbling nipple, the sound of footsteps made him drop his hand.

It wasn't like Tanya and Felix weren't used to such displays from him, but Bella would clearly be embarrassed.

"What?" she gasped, her eyes clouded with desire.

Edward didn't move from his spot between her legs, as he met Tanya's wide eyes behind Bella's shoulder. Then, he looked at Bella and took her hand, helping her down.

"Let me give you a proper tour of the house."

"Oh!" Bella squeaked when she spotted Tanya.

Thankfully, Tanya kept her mouth shut when Edward threw her a warning look. Bella didn't need to hear her apology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tanya will be forgiven eventually, since her heart was in the right place.
> 
> See you all on Wednesday!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last update for this year! =)
> 
> Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it so much!

The first stop of the house tour was the library. If Edward hadn't already won Bella in his bedroom, he'd win her with one of his favorite places in his house. The library was the only room defying the modern look of the rest of the place. His mom had tried to keep the modern air in the light colors, but the massive bookcase and the sturdy desk weren't what anyone would call sleek.

"Wow! It's so big." Bella walked past Edward into the room, staring in amazement at the large bookcase.

He chuckled. "I thought you already knew that."

She turned to glare at him playfully. Then, she went to trail her fingertips over the spine of the books. "Have you read them all?"

"Not quite." He stood in the doorway, simply watching her take in the beauty of that room. "Come," he said after a while, extending his hand.

Bella grabbed it, smiling. He took her next to the entertainment room, as he liked to call it.

The front of that room held various games from a pool table to a row of shelves filled with board games, and behind a black glass divider was the home cinema. This part of the room was dark and it hosted several stuffed chairs and two loveseats. The movies were projected on the far wall and the audio system was better than in most movie theaters.

"You don't even have to leave the house. You have everything you might need in here," she said in the same amazed voice.

"Indeed." He nodded in agreement, pulling her out of that room and down the hallway. "This door leads to the garage," he explained. "And this…" He opened the door next to the garage door.

Bella gasped, slipping into the pool area, which should have been the sun room based on his mother's drawings. Edward had wanted to incorporate both in the same place. The glass ceiling and heated floor created the perfect ambient for a night dip in the middle of the winter if he wanted. Along the walls, there was a bar and several lounge chairs, a closet full of fresh towels and cotton bathrobes, and some tropical plants.

"This place is amazing," Bella declared.

"The ceiling opens," Edward explained, going to a button near the door. He pressed it, and slowly, the glass dome parted, allowing the morning sun to stream down in the room.

"Whoa! I'm afraid to ask how much you invested in this house."

"A lot." He chuckled, pulling her back into the hallway. "Down to the left are Felix and Tanya's rooms." Bella merely nodded, staring at the paintings on the walls. "Alice paints," he explained.

"She does? These are pretty good."

Edward smiled indulgently. He had never been a fan of the abstract art Alice created, but he had to admit that the paintings looked good in his hallway.

"So when are you going to show me the torture room?" Bella linked her fingers with his.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I think I was clear that there's no torture room." He led her the way they came, only to veer left instead of right which would take them back to the living room/kitchen area. "Here's the dining room. I only used it once."

Bella laughed. "I bet it gets lonely to eat here all alone."

"I've lived here since I returned from college – give or take two years – which is close to ten years ago now. The kitchen is more practical."

"Don't you have your friends over? Or your family?" She frowned, going deeper into the room, tracing the back of the chairs.

"Yeah, right. We hold the family diners at my parents' house." Edward leaned against the doorframe, folding his arms across his chest. "The only time I hosted such an event was when Angie and I got engaged. And I did it here, because Mom insisted it was my party, not hers."

Bella froze, and he hated mentioning Angela like that. He shouldn't have said it. Bella returned to his side, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm sure you're not much of a party person."

"What gave it away?" he snorted, hugging her to his chest.

She looped her arms around his neck, bringing his head closer until their lips met in a heated kiss. Bella's short nails scratched against his scalp, making him groan in pleasure.

"So no torture chamber?" she said against his lips.

"It wasn't a room I could explain to my mom when she designed the house."

"Your mom designed this? Wow!" She looked around, as if seeing it for the first time.

"So I had to be creative. The chest of drawers across from my bed is filled with sex toys."

"Kinky."

"I could show you kinky," he murmured, kissing her slowly.

But his plans were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Bella moaned in protest.

"She's early," she mumbled.

"Unless, that's my sister ready to kill me for getting Emmett drunk," Edward joked.

They approached the front of the house in small steps, not ready to part from each other. Tanya had already opened the door.

Alice and Jasper were in the entryway, holding a dozen bags.

Bella whimpered, shrinking into his side. "Hide me," she begged.

Edward chuckled, holding her tightly against him, walking to his friends. "Good morning."

"Morning," Jasper greeted him, looking clearly upset.

Alice skipped to Bella's side, taking her hand. "We have so much to do."

"Alice," Edward said loudly, making her stop mid-tugging Bella down the hallway. "Maybe you could just show Bella what you got her. We have plans."

It wasn't exactly a lie, but the grateful look in Bella's eyes made him happy he'd made the right decision.

Alice looked unsure, torn, as if she wanted to protest.

"You have thirty minutes," Jasper snapped, which made Alice hurry down the hallway with Bella in her tow.

He hadn't had the time to show Bella the guest bedrooms, but he trusted Alice to know her way in his house. His room was off-limits.

Edward nodded to the couch, and Jasper walked over without further encouragement. Edward went to Tanya, who was already working on more coffee.

"I'll bring it over in a minute," she said quietly.

"Thanks." He picked his mug, carrying it to the couch. "What's up?"

Jasper's jaw clenched. "Did you know that Alice went to talk to Bella despite my direct orders not to? I told you what happened, so you'd go and talk to her, but no. Alice had to interfere."

"I didn't mind," Edward said seriously.

"You missed the point."

"She defied your direct order just to make Bella and me happy. I fail to see how that will upset you. I thought you wanted me happy."

"And then last night…" His hands clenched, and that stance reminded Edward of an ugly time when Jasper was constantly angry and there was nothing to help him. But then he had met Alice. His wide eyes met Edward's. "She fucking fell asleep on me. In the middle of a scene. I thought I killed her when she went limp on the cross."

Edward snorted, despite of their very serious conversation. "Maybe you've lost your touch?" he joked.

Jasper narrowed his eyes at his friend. "And it gets worse."

"Is that possible?"

"This morning she was ready to apologize for last night, but as soon as she took me in her mouth, she was gone. It took me a second to realized she'd run to the bathroom and was retching."

"Christ. Did you gag her?" Edward asked, concerned.

"Man, she barely licked the precum, before her mad dash."

"There has to be an explanation. Has anything like this happened before?"

"No." Jasper pursed his lips. "Alice has been acting weird lately, and I'm not sure what to make of it. It took me a few days to notice her car parked differently in the garage, but when I asked where she'd been, she only said shopping."

"You know Alice loves to shop."

"And I'm subjected to her fashion shows every time. Not once, has she attempted to parade her new clothes."

"Maybe she hasn't shopped for clothes?" Edward suggested. "Or the clothes weren't for her." He pointed down the hallway.

Jasper shook his head, his eyes filled with worry. "For the first time in our relationship, I feel like she's hiding something. After she'd gone to Bella's…" He stopped talking, accepting the coffee from Tanya with a tight smile. "I took her straight to the playroom when we got home."

Edward braced himself, because he could tell something had gone wrong. He didn't mind discussing sessions with Jasper. They usually exchanged opinions, new toys and play ideas.

"I wasn't ready for a real punishment, because she had her heart in the right place. So I used two of her favorites – the pulley and the cat-o-nails." Edward knew that Alice loved suspension, not feeling the ground under her feet. "The second I stroked the tails over her stomach, she started trashing and screaming. It upset me, so I gave her a real strike across her stomach. She _Red_ me, Edward."

Edward gasped.

He was transported back in time to his dark bedroom and Angela curled into a ball on the floor, begging him not to hurt _them_. He hadn't made sense of the plural, angry she had put a stop to the scene developing.

Edward tried to find the right words and suggest to Jasper that Alice might be pregnant and afraid to tell him, or maybe she was waiting for some special occasion. But his mouth was dry, and Jasper didn't seem to be in the right mindset to have such a conversation.

It wasn't Edward's secret to spill.

Bella returning into his line of view was a surprise. She was wearing a dark blue lacey dress, unzipped. She went straight to Tanya, not even sparing them a look. She whispered urgently, gesturing wildly.

Jasper stood up abruptly and went to them. Edward rushed after him, ready to physically restrain his friend if he unleashed on his girlfriend.

"Where's Alice? Is she all right?" Jasper reached Bella before Edward was halfway in their direction.

Bella chewed on her lips, catching Edward's eyes. She looked afraid. "Can we talk?"

"Jasper, give us a minute." Edward patted his friend's back. "Just sit down. I'm sure Alice is fine. Bella's probably freaking out for playing Barbie."

Jasper went back to the living room, not looking convinced.

"What?" Edward whispered, cupping Bella's shoulder. He tried not to let his eyes wander to how revealing the dress was.

Tanya brought over a glass with sizzling water. "There's a calcium tablet in there," she explained. "I could make some toast?"

Bella shook her head. "This should do. Thank you."

"Are you not feeling well?" Edward asked, worried.

Bella peeked around Edward's side toward Jasper, then met his eyes. "Don't freak out, but Alice just fainted on me. Then she got violently sick…and uh, she told me…" Her brown eyes were wide, brimming with tears.

"She's pregnant." Edward nodded. "Jasper was just telling me something that led me to think of this."

"So he knows?" Bella's brows met in the middle of her forehead.

"Not exactly. Alice hasn't told him, and he's in the dark."

"She's scared to tell him, and I have no idea why. She won't tell me. She just made me promise not to tell him."

Edward sighed, because he knew why Alice was scared. Jasper had never been a fan of babies. He went as far as to say he hated children when they were mentioned. He'd always praised how content he was with his life, and how Alice was all he needed.

"Why don't you go and calm her a little? I'll bring Jasper in a minute."

"We're in the guest bedroom."

Edward simply nodded. He didn't ask which one. He'd find it.

He returned to his friend, who was pacing in front of the fireplace. It had been a long time since Edward had seen Jasper so affected by his own emotions. He usually kept it together far better than the regular human.

"Did I push her too far? Is she going to leave me?" Jasper spun around to face Edward.

"When Alice stopped the session, did she tell you why she said _Red_?" Edward wasn't sure how to approach the situation.

"Uh, not exactly. She kept telling me not to touch her, then she locked herself in one of the guest rooms. The following morning we ignored the episode. It was stupid on my side to let it slide, then push her again into a session. Fuck, I'm such an idiot. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Jasper." Edward touched his friend's arm, rubbing the spot. "There's no handbook on how to deal with this kind of situation. You know as well as me how lost you feel when your Sub calls _Red_ , but I agree. You should have talked to her, instead of initiating another session."

"How much does she hate me?" His voice broke.

"Come on. It's time you two have a talk. Just…keep an open mind and your anger in check."

"My anger?" He gasped. "Oh, God. She found another!"

"Jasper, you need to keep it together. How can you think that of Alice?" Edward snapped. "She'd never hurt you like that."

They followed the sound of muffled voices and sobbing. Edward decided he'd stay with them until he was sure Jasper understood the situation, then he'd take Bella and allow them to talk.

When he opened the biggest guestroom's door, he stifled a gasp. Alice was curled up against the side of the bed, rocking back and forth. Bella was by her side, stroking her back.

"Alice." Jasper was most likely not thinking clearly, because his voice was more Dom than fiancé at the moment.

Alice scrambled to her knees, throwing her arms around Jasper's legs, sobbing into his jeans.

Edward wondered if it was wise to allow Bella to see such a scene. Everything was new to her, and she could be easily impressed.

Jasper petted Alice's hair absently for a moment, before he crouched to her level. "Talk to me, baby."

The word triggered a wail of misery from Alice. Jasper shot Edward a terrified look.

"Bella, please leave us alone," Edward said in his most firm voice. She shot him a wounded look, but left the room. Her eyes lingered on Alice, before she shut the door in her wake. "Alice," he continued in the same voice. Her wet eyes shot to him. "Jasper." Here, it became tricky. If Jasper actually listened to Edward, the whole situation could be held under control.

Jasper shot him an incredulous look. They had tried several scenes on each other in the very beginning of their friendship.

"Jasper," Edward insisted, holding his eyes. Just as he was about to win the challenge, the door opened.

"I can't stay away. Who knows how you'd deal with this thing?" Bella advanced in the room defiantly, unaware of what Edward was trying to do.

"Bella, not now," he snapped in his most commanding tone.

She froze on her way to Alice. "What are you doing?" She frowned, watching Edward and Jasper staring at each other, like they were having a fight without throwing punches.

The corner of Jasper's mouth lifted. "Feisty, huh?"

"Like you." Edward narrowed his eyes. He glanced at Bella, still frozen in the middle of the room. "Can you be quiet for five minutes?"

She gulped loudly, nodding.

"Good." Edward returning his eyes to the couple at his feet. He had never imagined he'd be in such a situation. "Alice, tell Jasper what you told Bella. And you, keep your mouth shut," he added to Jasper.

Alice stared at him with a betrayed look in her eyes, and Edward realized he'd chosen the wrong path to make them talk. But Alice wouldn't have told Jasper on her own terms.

Then Alice jutted her chin up, before standing up. "No!" she spat in Edward's face. "I won't do what you tell me. I won't tell Jasper because you constrict me, Edward!"

"Alice!" Jasper gasped, standing up and gathering her in his arms.

"Leave us alone, Edward." Alice had never used that cold voice toward him, and the Dom inside him made Edward want to admonish her, but his friendship and respect for Jasper had him backing away.

He took Bella's arm, taking her out of the room. He opened the door of his bedroom, pushing her inside, before slamming the door shut.

Bella cringed, jumping slightly. "What the hell was that?" she demanded.

"Maybe you should tell me," he hissed, backing her into the door. She flatted her back against it, looking him in the eye. It was then when Edward was reminded with how raw Bella was to his lifestyle. She had no clue how to act, and even if she'd known, he was sure she'd have challenged him nonetheless.

"What were you doing to them? Did you plan on commanding Jasper around? I thought he was like you! And is this something common? To use this power over someone else's Sub?"

Edward punched the door, making Bella cringe, giving a squeak of fear. "Fuck. Just shut up, Bella!" He was so angry at the moment – at himself, at Bella, at Alice.

There was no way in hell he could get the release he needed when Bella was still watching him defiantly, curious and scared at the same time. He snatched his running shoes, stepping into them. He left without another word to her.

If he didn't find her in his house upon his return, he'd understand that this time the choice had been Bella's, without anyone else influencing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep breaths. They're both still learning and adapting.
> 
> PS: Did you check my new one-shot: Mischievous Duo? 
> 
> See you in the FB groups: The no Rules Twilight Fan Fiction Group and It All Started with Twilight for the usual teaser. Also, check the pictures related to this story on my group addict_writer fanfiction


	19. Chapter 19

Bella had no idea how to react to Edward's behavior. It was crystal clear he wasn't Edward – her boyfriend, in that moment, but she had no clue what to do around Dom Edward. The closer he'd gotten to that side of himself was on his birthday, though Bella could bet that was just the tip of the iceberg. His lifestyle was deeper and more intricate than what they had shared that night.

They had yet to have that talk, which had left her paralyzed in his wake. He'd stormed out after the most bizarre behavior she'd seen at him. He had tried to control both his friends, then stopped himself from controlling her as well, which was a paradox. He should have been very mad at her for how she had acted.

Bella realized she'd stepped over some line when she'd returned to the guest bedroom. But something in Edward's eyes had worried her for Alice's safety, and she didn't know what Jasper might do, either. Alice didn't deserve their punishment for being pregnant. It wasn't her fault.

Bella had no idea for how long she sat on the edge of Edward's bed, but when there was a knock on the bedroom door, she startled so badly, she nearly fell down. She went to open the door and found Jasper staring at her with relief in his eyes.

"We're all right," he said softly. "Can I talk to Edward?"

"I don't know where he is." Bella could barely hear her own voice.

"You mean he's not with you?"

She shook her head. "He left shortly after we came to his room."

Jasper frowned. "Did you…" His eyes roamed her body, curiously. Bella realized she was still wearing the dress she had been trying on earlier.

"He was really upset. I guess he didn't want to push me into something I had to no clue how to react to." Bella shrugged. "I don't know where he's gone."

Jasper stroked her cheek. "I'll find him. You can keep Alice company. She's asking for you."

He led Bella to the living room where Alice was sitting on the couch, looking small and fragile. Jasper knelt at her feet, taking her hands in his. "Baby, I'm going to find Edward, then I'm taking you home."

Alice stared into his eyes, nodding slowly. "He's at the cemetery."

A shiver ran through Bella. Alice's predictions were nothing less than creepy sometimes.

Jasper leaned close to kiss her forehead, then he walked out the door.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for everything, Bella!" Alice cried out, hugging her as soon as Jasper was gone.

"It's not your fault. Did you two work it out?"

She smiled shyly. "Yeah. We're going to be fine. Like I told you, Jasper has never liked or wanted kids, but he told me, I shouldn't worry. Of course, he'd be here for me if it's what I want."

"And it is?" Bella couldn't imagine this happening to her. She could clearly remember touching the children subject with Jasper during one of their sessions. Even at nineteen, Bella had known her mind regarding children. Her opinion hadn't changed since then.

"Yes. I never thought about this, but ever since I found out I'm pregnant, it's all I want," Alice said seriously. "It's the ultimate act of love and devotion."

"I guess." Bella slumped on the sofa. "Alice… How mad should Edward be for what I've done?"

Alice's eyes widened. "Have you talked about your limits?"

"What? Oh, no… Not yet." She remembered the conversation she had had with Alice before Edward's birthday.

"You want to tell me that he just left? He didn't even… Did he touch you?"

"No, but I was sure he was going to hit me at one point. He just punched the door, then left."

"Holy shit." Alice stared Bella in disbelief. "I expected you to keep your ass in a bowl of ice by now. You wouldn't have been able to sit for a week if he'd been his old self."

Bella squirmed, her old fears crawling up to surface. The mere thought of someone hurting her so badly should have her running the other way. Though, a part of her mind agreed with Alice's words – Bella deserved to be punished for not listening to Edward. She shouldn't have gone back in that room. Edward was Alice and Jasper's friend. He wouldn't have harmed either of them.

"I'm such an idiot," Bella mumbled, tears welling into her eyes.

"It's perfectly natural to have no clue how to act, Bella. I have no idea why Edward is delaying your training. Maybe he doesn't want you in that way, maybe he doesn't want to scare you because he knows what it is to lose you."

"But if he doesn't want me as his…Sub…why does he want me, at all?"

"Oh, you're so blind. He loves you so much already. He has no idea what to do with these feelings. I'm pretty sure he's as confused as you are."

"We could find balance."

Alice smiled kindly. "Talk to him when he returns."

They ate the lukewarm breakfast at Tanya's insistence. Bella accepted Tanya's fervent apologies, but Tanya would have to work hard to gain her trust again.

Some time later, the front door opened, disrupting Alice talking about baby showers. It was far too soon to think of that, based on the fact that Alice was barely twelve weeks pregnant from what she'd said.

"Alice, we're leaving, darling!" Jasper's voice floated from the entryway.

"I'll see you soon. Talk to him." Alice kissed Bella's cheek, then skipped into Jasper's arms.

Bella sighed in relief, seeing them happy. She'd been worried ever since Alice had fainted earlier, when chaos had exploded around her.

Edward stopped near the kitchen island. "Tanya, you have the day off. Please, let Felix know the same applies to him."

Tanya nodded, disappearing down the hallway.

Bella linked her hands on top of the counter, keeping her eyes on Edward. His gray sweatpants were dirty around the knees and at his ankles, so were his hands as she noticed one of them tugging at his hair.

She knew better than to ask where he'd been. Alice had probably been right, because he looked like he had cried.

Slowly, Edward came to stand across from her, his hands propped against the edge of the countertop. "Why are you still here?"

His words surprised Bella. Shouldn't she still be there?

"Isabella…" His tone was low, demanding.

"I don't have an answer," she blurted out. "I mean…What should I answer to that? You don't want me anymore? We just made up."

He cringed. "Fuck. I'm doing this wrong." He walked to her side, regarding her slowly before reaching for her hand. She placed one of her hands in his large, dirty palm. "I expected to find you gone," he admitted, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand.

"Why?"

Edward laughed humorlessly. "Because I fucked up." He trailed his fingers up her bare arm, tracing her collarbone. Bella shivered at the sensation that touch created. "Of course, you're brave enough to stand in front of me at my worst."

"You actually scared me earlier," she admitted in a small voice.

He winced at her words. "I've postponed this conversation with you for too long. I guess I was afraid to lose you."

"You're not getting rid of me, Cullen."

"See, such behavior is punishable." He licked his bottom lip, making Bella's mouth go dry. "There is so much to teach you. I'm aware we'll bend and twist many rules, but I'm willing to try."

"Me too," she breathed out.

Edward led her to the couch, sitting next to her. He stared at his palms for a long time. Bella was ready to allow him as much time as he needed to gather his thoughts, but the more time it passed, the more anxious she grew.

"This lifestyle includes a set of behaviors agreed upon before the couple enters a scene." His voice was low and velvet soft. "Physical contact is not necessary – the dominance and submission can be conducted via phone or email. Though, physical contact is the high the both parties involved get out of the scene. Pleasure can reach such intense levels, it can easily slip into the darker side of BDSM."

Bella inhaled sharply, suddenly chilled to the bones. Edward met her eyes, a soft smile on his face.

"You do not need to worry about that. The 'M' is not area."

Bella frowned, wanting to believe him, even though she didn't understand what he was talking about.

"BDSM," he said slowly. "Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Like I said, the last part is not something I'm into."

"Good to know," she murmured, unable to speak louder.

"We're going to focus on the dominant and submissive relationship, which revolves around strict guidelines and consent."

"No bondage?" Bella asked in the same small voice. He'd tied her hands to the headboard on his birthday.

"How about we learn how to crawl before attempting to run the marathon?" He teased, reaching out to brush her cheek with the back of his hand. She blushed, but nodded in agreement. "D/s relationships are purely sexual. I would like to keep it this way as much as possible."

"What do you mean?"

"When we do a scene, we won't be boyfriend and girlfriend…or whatever term you'd like to use. I will be your Dom, and you will be my Sub. Your body will become my instrument and you will be attuned to my every need and desire. Release would be the goal we achieve most of the time." He took her hand, rubbing her wrist. "Unless, you upset me – and the scene is not about your release."

Bella opened her mouth, but decided it wasn't the right time to be mouthy. He wasn't done talking.

Edward kept looking into her eyes, and Bella had a hard time focusing on his words. She was being sucked into the green pools of mist.

"Consent is a vital element in all psychological play. It can be a written negotiation, or simply a verbal agreement between the parties involved."

"Which one do you prefer?" Bella licked her lips, leaning closer subconsciously.

"Whichever. It's up to you, Bella."

"I get to choose something?" She regretted the snarky words as soon as they left her mouth. "Sorry." Her eyes dropped, ashamed.

"Of course, you get to choose." Edward lifted her head with a finger under her chin. "Your word is supreme, and never forget that. I might be in charge, but the moment you decide against my choice, I will always listen to you." He dragged his thumb over her bottom lip. "At the same time, you must have a valid point against my decision. Like, let's say I want to push one of your hard limits, and you say no without even allowing me to try. Unless it's something life-endangering or something that triggers bad memories, I will always have your best interest and your safety on the forefront of my mind."

Bella stood up, and walked to the window. She needed to put some distance between them to clear her head.

He watched her apprehensively from the couch.

"My hard limit?" She repeated his words. "What's that?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes briefly. Bella was sure her questions were silly and something he never had to deal with before. He was going to lose his patience halfway through this.

"Come back here." He beckoned with a finger. Her feet moved against her will. Edward's smile was brilliant. "You're doing so well already. The way your body responds to my commands."

"I'm still scared shitless to give up control." Bella sat next to him again.

"That's where trust and consent come into play." He took her hand once again, squeezing it. "I don't have the rules outlined and printed anywhere. There was never such a need with my previous Subs."

"I could always continue my online research?" She shrugged, unsure how helpful Google might be.

"Stop being silly! The limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about – they describe what they desire, do not desire, will and will not tolerate. We set a safeword to establish certain types of play as prohibited."

Bella nodded, her mouth dry. Alice had already explained this, but not in so many details.

"A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered a just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. While a soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they may still give informed consent."

"You just said something about pushing my hard limits," Bella retorted in a rough voice.

Edward chuckled. "Perceptive, are we? I also said that I will always value your safety. That's where trust plays a big role. If you trust me to not harm you physically or psychically, then you won't have to question my decision."

Bella swallowed hard. She thought back on the way Edward had made her feel on his birthday, and compared it with the other times they had sex – there was no term of comparison. That pleasure had been supreme. She wanted more of it.

"Give me examples for these limits."

"I'd guess your soft limit is being introduced to a new challenge which incapacitates you to escape the situation."

"A little more specific," she muttered.

"Let's say, I bind your legs and arms to the bed, then I blindfold you."

"And then your drive me crazy with a vibrator? Sounds familiar. I hate to say it, but we've done that, and I'm game." She grinned.

Edward's lips quirked up. "I was thinking more along the lines…I'd flog your body until you begged me for release, tugging at the restraints, trying to touch yourself where you most desire."

"That sounds really hot. Though, I'm not sure about the flogger." She chewed on her lips.

"Let me introduce you to my drawer of sex toys."

Bella giggled, as they got up. "Right, because mommy designed your house and you couldn't include a playroom without giving her a heart attack."

Edward gripped her arm, spinning her around to face him. "You just earned yourself five slaps on that ass."

"I thought I didn't agree to anything yet. What if slaps on my ass are a hard limit for me?"

"So help me, Bella!" Edward took a step closer. "You have to be serious when you define the limits."

"I will, I promise."

They walked to his bedroom, and Bella knew that everything would change when they stepped into his room. So she stopped him right at the door, cupping his cheek.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked, worried.

Edward braced himself on his elbows against the door on each side of her face, before kissing her softly. Too soon, the kiss deepened, and Bella threw herself into it, pouring all her fears and desire into the act.

"Trust me," he whispered against her lips. It sounded like a plea.

After witnessing him earlier in the day, so close to losing control, yet, somehow he hadn't hurt her, Bella realized that she already trusted him implicitly.

"I trust you." She swallowed his surprised gasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready to be introduced to Edward's chest of drawers?


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready to be introduced to Edward's chest of drawers? ^_^

Edward opened the top drawer of his chest of drawers. He kept his eyes on Bella's face, not ready to miss any reaction. Her eyes widened when she took in the contents of the drawer.

She met his gaze, curiously.

"You can touch anything," he encouraged her with a light smile. Edward wanted Bella to be as comfortable as possible with everything in the chest of drawers.

Her hand reached out, and she pulled out a neatly folded silky blindfold. It was the one she'd given to him for his birthday. There was a variety of blindfolds of different fabrics and designs.

"This is something I think I'm comfortable with." Her eyes shined with desire.

"I'm willing to test it all on you. I know you're going to object at the mere sight of some toys, but it's the only way we can know your limits. I promise to never touch the object that you cross off the list." Edward picked a gag ball from the drawer. "Do you know what this is?"

Bella's brows met in the middle of her forehead. "I'm not sure."

"It's called a gag ball. It goes in your mouth."

She pursed her lips, snorting softly. "I figured as much."

Edward placed the contraption in her hand, reminding himself yet again she had no training, therefore, she didn't know that mouthing off could have severe consequences on her ass. Though, she might be doing it on purpose.

Bella was going to challenge his patience, that was for sure.

She put the gag ball back in the drawer, shuddering. "I'm not saying no to it, but let's call it a soft limit."

Edward chuckled. "I bet everything is going to be a soft limit until you test it."

"What the hell are these?" Bella plucked a string of anal beads, frowning at them. She felt the silicon texture in her hand, meeting his eyes, curiously.

"Anal beads." Edward was quick to catch the object as it fell from her hand as soon as she heard what it was. "Clearly, nothing you're ready for, yet."

"Yet?" She cried out. " _Never_!"

He placed the beads back in the drawer, knowing that there would be a time for that. Not any time soon, though. Instead of allowing her to rummage through the contents of the drawer, Edward pointed out to several nipple clamps, already imagining how she'd look dressed in them. Bella didn't seem thrilled at the prospect, but she didn't say no to them.

On the second drawer, Bella gasped, when Edward opened it. He had an impressive collection of vibrators.

"Did these get lost here from the first drawer?" She asked, reached out for something.

Edward waited to see what grabbed her attention, and was amused to see something he hadn't used on anyone. He'd bought the Ben Wa balls with the gala in February in mind, but Angela had vehemently declined wearing them at that party. He cringed, imagining how it would have looked to explain to the hospital about the toy. Edward shook his head, focusing back on the woman in front of him.

His short trip to the cemetery had helped him come at peace with himself. The accident might have been his fault, but he was the one still alive, and Angela would have been exceptionally angry to see him moping around and kicking away the opportunity of getting better. Bella was everything he needed at the moment, and even if his lifestyle wasn't for her, he'd still choose her. It scared Edward beyond rational thought, but Bella had bewitched him from the moment he'd first seen her at the bar. He was ready to change who he was for her.

He covered her hand before she could touch the Ben Wa balls. "Let's learn how to walk first."

She giggled, licking her lips. "Okay. This drawer is… _green_." A wide smile spread on her face, her brown eyes sparkling with mischief.

Edward chuckled, trailing his fingers up her bare arm. It was then he noticed, she was still wearing the dress Alice had forced upon her. "This color looks lovely on your skin."

She blushed scarlet, but kept her smile. "I expected something cornier."

"Like, this dress looks good on you, but it will look better on my bedroom floor?" Edward challenged, tracing her collarbone with his fingertips. She shivered under his touch. "Do you plan on wearing it tomorrow?"

"No way!" Bella shook her head. "It's not my style. Though, I have to check the other dress Alice brought over. If it is worse, I'll have to endure this one."

"What's wrong with this one?"

"My boobs are spilling out! As much as you might enjoy that, it's not me." She touched her chest, as if to emphasize the deep cleavage.

"Hmm…" Edward peered at her visible breasts, dipping his fingers toward the exposed skin. He could see her nipples hardening through the material. "I agree. You wouldn't be allowed out of my arms if you wore this tomorrow."

Bella took a shuddering breath. "Do you plan on finishing the show?" She gestured to the chest of drawers. "Or maybe…you could introduce me to one of these bad boys." She nodded to the vibrators.

Edward took a step back, closing the second drawer with too much force. His control was slipping. He wouldn't have thought a mouthy Sub could be a turn on.

"You're still…what was your word?…g _reen_. I plan to do this the correct way this time."

Bella rolled her eyes defiantly. She opened the last drawer, and stumbled back, kicking it shut with her foot.

Edward was amused by her reaction. "This is what brings the real pleasure." He opened the drawer again. "Of course, all of these could bring pain, as well."

"Of course." She rolled her eyes, looking anywhere but at his collection of riding crops, whips, floggers, and spanking paddles.

Sighing, Edward closed the drawer, leaning against the piece of furniture holding his lifestyle. He folded his arms across his chest. "My hard limits are few and they go with common sense. I guess, yours will reflect mine."

"Give me an example." Bella sat on the edge of the bed, keeping her eyes on him.

"Nothing including blood play, cutting, or anything that leaves permanent marks on the body." He would always resent Siobhan for the scars on his body. As grateful as he was for their time together, and the world she'd introduced him to, Edward despised the whip marks. That had been his breaking point, too. He had had a hard time looking at a whip for the longest time, until Jasper had explained that it could bring pleasure, too. The whip had only been used as a punishing weapon on Edward. "Also…" He walked to Bella, crouching at her feet. He touched her knees, looking into her eyes. "You can't touch me…not without some warning, at least."

"What?"

Of course, she wouldn't understand. It had taken him years not to lash out on the unsuspecting person who touched him, not knowing his aversion to the otherwise common gesture.

Siobhan had been into the dark side of the lifestyle, which was one of the worst first tastes for Edward to experience as someone new to the whole BDSM scene. She used to deprive him of eyesight, and sometimes, of hearing, too, before using her favorite whips and crops on his body. He had never known where to expect the lick of the leather, so his body had learned to react to unexpected touches the best way it knew to preserve itself. Whenever someone took him by surprise, touching his arm or back, Edward would move on instinct, reacting in defense. He'd gotten in too many fights just because some person was too close to him, let alone touch him.

"Do you remember my first email to you?" Edward still couldn't believe he'd told her about his darkest secret.

"Oh." Her eyes softened. "But…I've touched you before."

Edward took her hands in his. "Somehow, your touch is not as frightening as others, but most of those times, I saw what you planned on doing. I've learned to brace myself, to expect it." He closed his eyes briefly. "That first night together…when I felt your fingers on my back, I knew you were different."

"Oh, God," she gasped. "I didn't know."

"Of course, you didn't. Jasper is the only other person who knows. And Rose understands I don't like being touched. She always tells me what she's going to do before hugging me, which I greatly appreciate."

"Shit." Tears filled her eyes, and Bella lifted their joined hands to her face. Then she kissed his fingers.

Edward expected her to say that she was sorry, or to find pity in her eyes, but he could only see resentment. He understood that feeling, because it was all he had felt for his former Mistress for the longest time.

He brushed the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Shhh. I'm in a better place now."

Bella drew in a shaky breath. "I want to hug you."

Edward opened his arms, and she slid on the floor beside him, hugging him tightly. Her cheek pressed wetly against the side of his neck.

"Tell me more. Soft limits?" she whispered. Her fingers clutched at his shirt.

"Breath play."

Bella's breath hitched. "What's that?" He could feel her lips against his neck as she talked.

Edward took a moment to arrange his thoughts and come up with a good wording. It was a high possibility Bella would cross breath play off the list. "Mild choking during sex. Keep in mind that you'll always be safe with me."

"It sounds kinda hot," she said softly, unfolding herself from around his body to look into his eyes.

"Soft limit," he assured her.

"Anything going in my ass is a soft limit," she said confidently. "You'll have to work hard to convince me otherwise."

"I love a challenge." He stroked her cheek, smiling. "Anything else?"

"I bet we'll encounter many such challenges along the way, but the best way to judge it…is to experience it, I guess."

"I see you've done your research, or Alice has told you about the color scheme," Edward continued. "I expect a lot of _Yellow_ from you, in the beginning."

"What if I'm saying it just because of my silly fear to give up control?"

"We'll talk about what scares you about the scene or the toy I'm about to use. Bella, I want you to say _Yellow_ as often as possible. I'd be worried if you agreed to everything I planned on doing to your body."

Her pupils dilated in desire. "What if I say _Red_?"

"Again, we'll talk about it. _Red_ doesn't mean we're not going to try it again after you said it. We just won't resume the scene, but we're still going to talk."

She nodded. "What about a word if I want out? Alice mentioned that."

The thought of losing Bella terrified him. Because if she chose such a word and used it, Edward couldn't see a relationship working between them after he'd pushed her beyond her limits during playtime.

"Do you have such a word in mind?" His voice sounded cool and collected, a contrast to what he actually felt.

"I've no idea what to choose. Did you have such a word with your other… _Shit_. Don't answer that."

"Yes, I did," he said softly. "It has to be a word you don't use often…not in the bedroom. Like, pancake." He chuckled, remembering his first Sub telling him her safe word.

"Pancake?" Bella laughed.

"Angela's safe word was monster," he said casually. "She said the moment I crossed the limit, I'd become a monster."

Bella chewed on her lips. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course. We're not going to jump into anything tonight."

"No?" She sounded heartbroken.

"I'm pretty sure you're tired after the day we had. Let's sleep, enjoy the wedding tomorrow, and then we'll see what happens."

"Okay."

After a late lunch, they decided to take a nap. Before sleep took them, Edward told Bella that they had to work on her behavior and being respectful.


	21. Chapter 21

The other dress Alice had brought over, turned out to be much more suitable for a wedding. It was a dirty gray color, made of tulle, and with a decent cleavage that wouldn't focus the attention on her boobs. The dress fell above her knees and hugged her body in the right places, and even though Bella wasn't a fan of showing her slender figure, she had to admit that she looked good. Her black pumps were waiting by the door.

For the moment, she was busy trying to recreate a fancy updo with her hair while staring at a picture on her phone.

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Five more minutes," she called to Edward. He probably wanted his bathroom back, since she'd hogged it for over an hour now. After showering, she got dressed, then worked on her make-up – the smoky eyes look turned out better than she expected.

If only her hair would cooperate…

The door of the bathroom opened, but instead of a fuming Edward, Bella was surprised to see Tanya advancing into the room.

"Can I help?" she offered.

"Did Edward send you over?"

A small smile played on her lips. "Mr. Cullen figured you might need help."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Think my hair could ever look like that?" She pointed to the picture on her phone.

Tanya stared at it for a long time, then demanded for Bella to sit on the ottoman. She took out all the bobby pins Bella had put in her hair, placing them on Bella's palm, before combing her hair. Then, she used the curling iron on the tips only, before making good use of the bobby pins and several hair pins. After a touch of hair spray, Tanya stepped aside.

Bella stood up and went to look in the mirror. "Whoa! Wow, Tanya!"

Their eyes met through the mirror.

"Thank you," Bella said, gratefully.

"It's no trouble. If you ever need help, let me know."

Bella nodded. She picked her pumps and clutch from Edward's bedroom, and went to the living room with Tanya close behind.

Edward was leaning against the front door, staring at his phone. His head shot up when he heard their footsteps. He looked damn gorgeous in a black tux with the top button left open and his bowtie hanging on either side of the collar.

His green eyes widened, and he pocketed his phone, standing straighter.

"Sorry it took forever," Bella mumbled, stopping in front of him.

"What happened to the blue dress?" He took her left hand, giving her a once-over, licking his lips.

"I think your sister would like the undivided attention upon her. I'm already nervous as hell, so wearing that flashy dress wouldn't have helped."

He chuckled. "I see the appeal in this one." He tugged at a loose curl of hair, left that way for fashion purposes. "Let's go, before I decide to skip my sister's wedding."

Bella braced herself on his forearm, as she slipped on the pumps.

Edward led her to the SUV, with a hand on the small of her back, and then they climbed into the backseat. Felix started driving as soon as the door was closed behind Edward.

Bella squirmed in her seat, nerves churning in her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Edward interlaced their fingers, smiling softly.

"I'm going to meet your family. That's huge."

"Stop worrying. No one expects me to bring a plus one. Except, the happy couple – they know you'll be there."

Bella caught her bottom lip between her teeth, but released it immediately. She was wearing lipstick, something she wasn't used to.

"Please, relax." Edward brushed the back of his hand over her cheek. "We'll leave as fast as the polite etiquette allows us."

"You're family – her brother – the etiquette might say you have to leave early the next morning."

"Some rules are meant to be broken." He winked.

"Is that so, _Sir_?" She smirked, sneaking a hand behind his neck, keeping eye-contact.

"Isabella." His voice was low, serious, and panty-wetting.

"Yes, Sir?" she whispered, innocently.

"I swear to God…" He narrowed his eyes at her.

Felix chuckling, broke the spell.

"Mind your own fucking business," Edward snapped.

"I've got to say…you found your match." Felix kept laughing.

Bella retreated to her seat, giggling and blushing. She was aware that they had agreed to explore where both relationships might go, which meant that she had given him consent to do whatever he wanted with her body.

She was grateful for Felix upping the volume to some pop song playing on the radio. He wasn't as serious and inhuman as she'd pictured him. Bella could actually see herself befriending him better than Tanya.

They were all silent until they reached their destination. The resort placed on the beach was the best venue for a dream wedding.

Edward clutched her hand, as they walked inside the resort. They were greeted by a tall, blonde woman, dressed in black slacks and a white shirt. She ticked Edward's name off the list, not seeming to mind he'd brought a plus one.

Bella felt like an idiot as she gawked at the grandeur of the place. She trusted Edward to keep her from falling, in case her heels worked their black magic on her ankles.

"So, it's going to be indoor?" She had thought they were attending an outdoor wedding.

"When, has anyone ever gotten married indoors in Santa Barbara, Bella? Besides, it's July."

She shrugged. "This is my first wedding," she mumbled.

Edward turned to stare at her, surprised. "Through here." He waved to a set of double doors opened wide.

They stepped into a large ballroom with full-length panoramic view to the coastline. Another set of open doors led to the patio area. There were many round tables, nicely decorated. The whole room was decorated with style and in pale, delicate colors. Through the doors leading outside, Bella could see the make-shift aisle and the rows of white benches. The archway at the end of the aisle was made of white roses from what she could see.

"This is so beautiful."

"Mom helped with the design part," Edward explained. "Speaking of…" He nodded to a woman dressed in a pale, lilac dress. She was approaching them.

Bella gulped, gripping Edward's hand tighter. She'd never met the parents, but then again, she'd never had a boyfriend. The only parent she knew was Jake's dad, but Billy didn't count. She'd grown up knowing Billy.

"You made it!" The woman threw her arms around Edward.

It was clear that Edward wasn't comfortable with the affectionate hug. He'd gone rigid. His free hand patted his mom's back.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet someone." If Bella didn't know him, she'd think he sounded shy.

His mom pulled away, and she finally noticed Bella. Edward's mother was beautiful, but she hadn't expected anything less, based on the genes Edward had. Her warm brown hair was caught in a loose bun at the base of the neck, and a delicate necklace hung around her neck, completing the mother-in-law look. Her soft hazel eyes stared at Bella for a long moment, before turning back to her son.

"This is Bella…" Edward tilted his head to the side, smiling at Bella. "…my girlfriend. Bella, this is my mother – Esme Cullen."

His mother continued to stare at Bella in an unnerving way. "This is quite the surprise," she finally said. "It's nice to meet you." She extended her hand.

Bella caught her hand, forcing a smile. "Likewise." She felt as if under the microscope, as Esme kept looking at her curiously.

"You should check on Emmett," Esme told Edward, grimacing.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'll be right back." He pressed his lips to Bella's forehead, before disappearing the way they'd come.

Bella figured out that he knew the location well, since he'd helped with the wedding preparation. She wished, he didn't have to go, because now she was all alone with his mother – and that was a scary concept for her.

The sound of heels clicking in the vast room, attracted Bella's attention to the bride herself. Bella had no idea what she should have expected from the wedding dress, but it wasn't the simple, yet elegant dress she saw Edward's sister wearing. It was embroidered and definitely hand-beaded throughout the bodice and on the skirt. Rosalie's golden locks were caught in a loose updo with tiny white flowers pinned into it. She was a vision, even though her beautiful face was set in a frown.

"Did you find him?" She stopped in front of her mother.

"Edward just went to him," Esme answered, soothingly. "I think I told you to be careful with the dress. You're going to dirty the hem."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, sparing Bella a brief glance. Then her eyes were back on her mother. "He better be out there in twenty minutes."

"Stop worrying." Esme surprised Bella by wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Have you met Edward's new girlfriend?"

Rosalie's head whipped in her direction so fast, some of her hair slipped out from the updo. Esme fussed, redoing it silently. Rosalie kept staring at her with cold, blue eyes.

"Leave it," she snapped at her mother, then hitched the skirt of the dress, stalking back toward the patio.

"You'll have to forgive my daughter. Getting married can do a number on a woman's nerves."

Bella chuckled nervously. "I'll bet."

"Let's head outside." The words were barely out of her mouth, when there was a commotion behind them.

"Daaammnnn!" Emmett whistled loudly. He looked as cheerful as ever, a touch paler, but nothing to worry about. His white tux looked good against his tanned skin. "I couldn't believe Edward." He wrapped his muscly arms around Bella, nearly suffocating her.

"Do you mind not molesting my girl?" Edward snapped.

Bella was thankful to be saved from Emmett's bear hug. "Well, since the wedding invitation was made…"

"I'm glad you're here." Emmett grinned.

"I think you're about to have your first not-quite-yet-married argument with Rose," Esme said, jokingly. "She's worried you wouldn't be there on time."

Emmett cringed. "How upset is she?"

They walked toward the patio, their voices disappearing outside.

"I think your sister hates me," Bella whispered.

Edward cringed. "It might be my fault. She thinks it's because of you, I haven't been well lately…"

"But it was my fault," she insisted.

"No. It was only Tanya's fault playing the right cards against your fragile trust into what we could have." Edward cupped her cheek. "I'm sorry for abandoning you."

"It wasn't that bad."

They walked outside on the patio, where there were around a hundred people in the least. It was a small wedding, compared to what Bella had imagined. The location was ripped out of a fairytale with the rose arcade and all the other floral arrangements, with the ocean behind, reflecting the setting sun.

"Rose doesn't do it halfway," Edward explained, probably noticing Bella's awe.

She hummed in agreement, because it was easy to have whatever you wanted when you were rich. If she'd be the kind of girl to fantasize about weddings, this would be the ideal wedding set in her mind, but she wasn't the kind of girl to dream of weddings and soulmates. Bella was just some poor, orphan girl, abandoned by her only family left alive.

On the way to the seats, Edward was stopped by a dozen people. He engaged them in polite small talk for several minutes, before escaping their claws. When they reached the front rows, Edward steered her to sit next to his mother, who was holding hands with and whispering to a handsome, honey-colored haired man. This had to be Edward's dad.

"Hey," Edward said in greeting, sitting next to Bella.

"What kept you? Esme was just telling me that you brought a date." His dad leaned over to get a better look at Bella.

Bella wanted to hide behind Edward. She hated being in the center of attention.

"Dad, if Mom doesn't care what a ladies' man you are, it's her problem. Can you please attempt not to scare Bella?" Edward narrowed his eyes at his father, but Bella noticed he wasn't that upset. Edward seemed to be exasperated. "Bella, please meet Dr. Carlisle Cullen, my father."

Bella chanced a look at the man in question, and found him staring at her curiously. "Don't mind my son. He's just sore, I've still got the groove." He winked.

"Carl!" Esme gasped, slapping his arm, playfully.

"Fuck," Edward muttered under his breath.

Bella leaned into his side, wrapping her arms around his left arm. "I like how close you are to them. I miss this," she whispered. Edward peered down at her, his eyes filled with sadness. She reached up to his face, stroking his cheek. "Don't be sad."

Edward closed the distance between them, catching her lips in a soft kiss.

All too soon, he had to take his spot by Emmett's side under the flower archway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are love. Thank you for sparing the time to leave one.
> 
> *hands over Voodoo dolls in shape of Rosalie* 
> 
> PS: if you'd like a visual for the dresses, better than the one in the teaser, please check my FB group: addict_writer fanfiction.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know how you all dislike Rosalie, but she's not that bad. She takes a little to warm up to Edward's new girlfriend.
> 
> Special thank you to Gabby for catching all my silly mistakes and reminding me that details matter.

Edward wouldn't have believed if someone told him he'd have fun at his sister's wedding. For the longest time, he'd tried to find some feeble excuse to not be present, but he had been in a dark place back then.

Now, as he spun his sister on the dance floor, while watching his reason to smile again dancing a few feet away with Emmett, he realized he'd have regretted not being there for Rosalie.

"If I didn't know the story behind your date, I'd say you called the escort agency," Rose said sourly.

"Would you try to give Bella a chance? I explained to you – it's not her fault we had…a hiccup."

Rose rolled her eyes. "I understand that part, Edward. But look at her!" She scowled, looking in Bella's direction. "She's clearly not your type. And by the look in your eyes, you're falling for her. She's going to break your heart."

"Is that what worries you?" he asked, amused. "Trust me, Bella is everything I need."

Rose scoffed. "Clearly not your type."

They both stared as Bella stumbled over her feet, but thankfully Emmett caught her, then they started laughing loudly. Several party-goers stopped to stare.

"Have you lost reason, baby brother? Just look at her!"

"I am." Edward had reached his limit of listening to his sister insulting his girlfriend. He danced them across the floor to Bella and Emmett. Edward immediately dropped his sister's hand, taking Bella away from Emmett. "Don't you two have bride and groom duties?"

Rose shot Bella a venomous look, before smiling at her husband. "Time to make rounds between the guests, baby."

Edward was grateful for the slow song playing, as he hugged Bella's body close. "Are you having fun?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

"That's good." He pressed his forehead against hers. "Think it's too soon to leave?"

Bella giggled, her cheeks turning pink. "Don't you want to wait for the cake?"

"No." Edward trailed his fingers down the column of her neck, kissing that spot behind her ear. "I have so many plans for you."

She shuddered in his arms. "Would I get in trouble if I persuade you to stay for cake?"

"Of course not," he answered seriously. "I keep forgetting it's your first wedding."

"Mind if I cut in?" His father stopped at their side, his eyes twinkling.

Edward caught Bella's eyes, and he noticed how uneasy she was. "Actually, we were just taking a break." Edward led Bella away from the dance floor through the patio doors. The confetti thrown earlier was sticking to the concrete and the white benches.

He had to admit, the wedding had been exactly like in those fairy tales Rosalie used to love as a child. Emmett was everything she'd needed in her life, and Edward was sure, Emmett would take care of his sister. Edward just wished Rose would see that he'd found happiness, too. Even though Bella was nothing like the girls he used to claim as his, she was everything he wanted at the moment, and the foreseeable future.

They walked toward the beach, and Bella took her pumps off, hissing when her feet touched the sand.

"Still want to stay for cake?" he joked.

"You drive a hard bargain," she mumbled. "You sister doesn't like me."

"Give her some time. She doesn't even know you, for fuck's sake."

"I made Emmett promise me not to fight with her, trying to make her like me."

That sounded like an unselfish, Bella-thing, Edward had come to associate with her. He watched as Bella wandered toward the shore, water lapping at her ankles as she walked into the ocean.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, approaching as close as possible without ruining his shoes.

"You should try it, too. The water is so warm. It's soothing." She smiled over her shoulder.

Edward was mesmerized by her beauty, as she stood where the ocean met the sand, her hair had escaped the elegant twist, and her eyes were alight with life. Edward had never stopped to enjoy some simple joys as the ocean touching his bare feet.

He toed off his shoes, rolling his pant legs to his knees, before joining her. She took his hand, grinning.

He had to admit, this was the most romantic thing he'd done in his life. He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, dipping his head to kiss her. Bella gasped into his mouth, as her fingers knotted into his hair.

Wrapped up in one another, neither of them realized a harsh wave slapped their legs. Bella squeaked, jumping back. The skirt of her dress was sprayed in salty water, weighting her down and making her lose balance. Before Edward could catch her, she slipped on the soft sand, landing flat on her back with a loud splash in the ocean.

Edward leaned to help her up, when she started laughing. "Silly girl."

"I guess staying for cake is out of question now."

"Clearly." He helped her out of the ocean, wrapping his suit jacket over her wet clothes. Edward pulled her bottom lip from underneath her teeth with his thumb, kissing her softly. "If we hurry, no one will notice us leaving," he said, as he walked her back toward the patio.

"Isn't there some other way to the front of the resort?"

"Unless you want to walk around the whole building…" He lifted a brow. "Come on."

Bella hugged her shoes to her chest, his jacket so big for her, it was impossible to say if she wore anything underneath. Her wet hair dripped all over the place, and their bare feet left sand trails in their wake.

"Goodness! What happened to you?"

Edward stiffened. Of course, they couldn't make a hasty exist. His mother approached them when they were halfway through the ballroom.

Bella squirmed, blushing horribly. Edward kept his arm firmly around her waist, holding her close.

"Nothing to worry about," he answered. "I better take Bella home before she catches a cold."

His mom didn't look convinced.

"I just stumbled," Bella explained in a small voice. "I'm okay."

"Please, let Rose know we're sorry to leave so soon. I'll see her when they return from the honeymoon," Edward said.

"Of course, honey! I hope you're bringing Bella to the family dinner next week." His mom didn't leave him room for argument, even though it was too soon for Bella to become part of the family. Though, he'd thrown her at the wolves with the wedding.

"Sure." He kissed his mother's cheek, before ushering Bella to the front doors and to the car.

Felix was leaning against the hood, as if expecting them. "Thought that was you I saw falling in the ocean."

"Oh, God," Bella moaned, ducking inside the car.

"Another word and I'm keeping from your paycheck," Edward threatened.

Felix shot him a surprised look. "Aye, boss!"

Edward followed Bella into the backseat, closing the door. "Are you cold?" he checked, rubbing a hand over her arm.

"Not yet."

"You'll have a hot shower when we get home."

"Did I ruin the night?" she asked, watching him through her lashes.

"Your impromptu dip in the ocean hasn't deterred me from my plan for the night."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Let me know when I should switch roles."

Edward groaned. "This is not something you can turn on and off. It will always be part of our relationship. In time, you'll learn when I want it, and when I just want us."

Bella smiled against his neck. "I just don't want to mess up. I know this means a lot for you."

Edward kissed her cheek, resting his lips against her skin. "You mean more to me than my lifestyle."

.

.

.

At home, Bella got impossibly clumsier due to her nerves. If it weren't for Edward holding her hand, as she got out of the car, she'd have fallen over.

Edward wasn't ready to risk her precarious equilibrium, so he picked her up, hoisting her over his shoulder.

"Hey! Put me down!" she cried out.

"Nope! Night, Felix!" he called over his shoulder.

"Good night, sir," Felix answered in an amused voice.

Edward walked through the house toward his room with Bella hanging over his shoulder, grumbling about not being a child.

Inside his room, he lowered her on to her feet by the bed. He wanted to be the one to peel the dress off her, so he unzipped it slowly. Bella gasped when the dress pooled at her feet.

"Go, take a warm shower." Edward pulled a cushion out from under the chest of drawers. He positioned it at the foot of the bed. It was one of those nondescript brown cushions, made of soft, ribbed material. Bella had to be comfy during her time spent on it. "I want you kneeling here. You have fifteen minutes."

Bella blinked, staring at him dazed.

Edward stared back into her chocolate pools, daring her to object somehow.

"Yes, Sir," she whispered, all but running into the bathroom.

Edward went back to the car to retrieve his suit jacket, and found Felix still outside, enjoying a smoke. Felix shot him a curious look when he saw Edward going to the car.

"Going somewhere?" Felix asked, not moving from where he stood, staring up at the starry night.

"I forgot my phone." Edward returned to Felix's side with his jacket. The curiosity was too much, because it seemed that everyone around him couldn't see him with Bella; while Edward couldn't see himself without her. "Tell me something, Felix."

Felix glanced his way, lifting a brow. "I thought my job wasn't to speak." There was a smirk playing on his lips.

"Do you see this thing with Bella working for me?"

"Do you have doubts? You both look pretty smitten."

Edward was aware of how deep his feelings ran for her, but Bella had yet to let him know how she felt. And introducing her to his lifestyle could put an end to what they might be, before they really tried.

"You have nothing to worry about, sir. It took months to see you this happy with Ms. Weber when you started dating," Felix said quietly, gauging Edward's reaction when he mentioned Angela.

"So you don't think she's different from the girls I usually…"

"I think that's what makes it special. You're total opposites." Felix smiled widely. "Don't worry. Ms. Swan is not going anywhere."

"Thanks, Felix. I needed to hear that."

Edward returned to his bedroom. The water was still running in the bathroom, and he wondered what Bella was thinking in that moment. She had to be nervous about what his plans for the evening were.

For a first, Edward had no specific plan.

As he undressed down to his boxers, he tried to decide what scene he could do without scaring Bella. Even though he'd told her about introducing her to new toys and expecting _Yellow_ often, that wasn't the route he planned on going that night.

Sensory play would be the safest approach. Bella had enjoyed their time on his birthday.

Edward pulled out of the first drawer the silk blindfold Bella had given him as a present, and then he opened the bottom drawer. After a minute of contemplating the best choice, Edward closed the drawer, opening the second one and choosing a G-spot vibrator.

He placed the chosen objects on top of the dresser, leaning against it. Edward wasn't sure how much time had passed since he'd told Bella fifteen minutes, but she was pushing her luck with each minute ticking by.

The bathroom door opened finally, and she stepped out naked, her hair partially dry and caught in a messy bun on the top of her hair.

He hadn't told her about his preference for a ponytail during play time. It wasn't her fault for breaking one of his rules.

Bella shuffled to the cushion, dropping to her knees. She kept her hands at her sides, then she placed them on her thighs. Edward was impressed with how she knew what to do without him mentioning it.

They'd have to find their footing as they explored this side of their relationship. Edward hoped he wouldn't blow it by lashing out at her for something she had no idea about.

Edward walked to stand behind her. He untied her hair, before catching it in a ponytail. "I prefer it this way."

"Yes, Sir." Bella's voice shook slightly.

He stepped in front of her, tilting her head up. Her blown pupils met his. "Color?"

"Green."

Edward picked the blindfold, showing it to Bella. "I'm going to use this. I'll give you a moment to adjust, then you'll tell me your color again."

"Yes, Sir."

Edward was thrilled how well Bella behaved. Even though it was clear she wasn't comfortable using that term when addressing him, she did it naturally.

After depriving her of vision, Edward took a few steps back. He watched her chest rising with labored breathing. If Bella wasn't comfortable with the blindfold, she'd show it in the first minute.

Edward used to have Subs who couldn't stand being blindfolded, and he'd learned to work around that.

"Green, Sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we all Green for the next chapter? =)
> 
> Thank you all for the support!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is one big lemon.

Bella said she was _Green_ with the blindfold covering her eyes. It was time for her to feel.

Edward walked closer, knowing her other senses were heightened and every touch would be amplified, especially when she didn't know where to expect it.

Edward traced the back of his fingers over her collarbone, making Bella jump and gasp. He smiled, lightly scratching the length of her throat up to her jaw with his blunt nails. She shuddered, a moan escaping her lips. Then, he caressed her lower lip with his thumb.

"Stand," he ordered softly.

Bella felt for the edge of the bed to her right to brace herself as she got up. Once she was in a standing position, she kept her head down, breathing shallowly.

She didn't seem afraid, only exceptionally aroused, which pleased Edward.

"Color?" he checked, going to his drawer for something Bella would enjoy greatly.

"Green, Sir." Her voice was filled with desire.

Edward opened the second drawer and pulled out a wooden box he rarely used. The soft feathers inside were meant to take the Sub to new heights. He picked the black ostrich feather.

When he turned to Bella, he noticed how tense she looked, bracing herself for his next touch.

"Relax."

She gulped, sagging her shoulders, but the tension wasn't gone. It would take some time for her to completely trust him, to believe he'd not harm her when she was the most vulnerable.

Edward ran the feather over her spine. Bella gasped loudly, jerking away.

"Don't move." Edward grabbed her elbow, bringing her back in the spot she'd been before.

"Is that a feather?"

"Yes," he answered. He should be upset with her for talking freely, but she was so raw to this lifestyle, it was a miracle she hadn't cracked yet. "Now, don't talk unless I'm asking you something."

"Yes, Sir." Bella seemed to love that phrase a little too much, especially judging by the smirk on her lips.

The feather touched her tummy, and this time, Bella only sucked in a breath. It took her several long moments to release it. As soon as she did, Edward stroked the feather over her breasts, making goosebumps erupt on her skin. He noticed how she pressed her thighs together, and it was his turn to smirk.

Without any warning for her, Edward cupped her sex. She was soaking wet already, juices covering his palm and fingers.

"Oh, God!" Bella threw her head back, grabbing his shoulder.

"You can be as vocal as you want, but you don't get to touch me," he reminded her.

It took an inhuman effort for Edward to step back. Bella whimpered at the loss, turning her head to where she thought he was, wrong by a foot.

"I'm sorry, Sir." And what Edward had expected from the beginning, happened. Bella sagged forward a little, one hand resting over her bare sex, while her other arm pushed against her breasts, as if to cover herself. She was finally conscious about being naked and vulnerable in front of him. "Please." Her thighs squeezed together.

It took Edward a moment to realize that what he'd witnessed wasn't shyness. She was trying to touch herself. That was unacceptable.

He chucked away the feather, retrieving the lace ribbon Bella had given him on his birthday. It had quickly become his favorite. He had a variety of silky ties and ropes in the bottom drawer, but that one was unique, like her.

Edward grabbed Bella's hips, spinning her around, before pushing her back on the bed. She fell with a gasp. Then, Edward arranged her, so her arms were stretched toward the headboard where he quickly tied her wrists to it.

"Too tight?"

Bella tugged at the restrains. "No."

"Want to revise your answer?" he asked carefully.

"Oh, shit," she mumbled under her breath. "No, Sir."

 _Baby steps_ , Edward reminded himself.

He brought over the G-spot vibrator, placing it on the bed by her thigh. He spread her legs, kneeling between them. He ran his fingers over her inner thighs, and Bella moaned loudly, her body quivering.

"Don't close your legs, or I'll stop."

She spread them wider, as her body went rigid with anticipation.

"Please, relax." Edward lifted one of her legs, placing it on his shoulder, kissing behind her knee. She smelled like his shower gel, which awakened a deeper hunger within him. He wanted to claim her as his in all ways possible.

Bella jerked when his lips touched the skin under her knee, which led Edward to believe she was ticklish. That was something to explore another time.

He picked up the vibrator, turning it on. It buzzed softly in the otherwise quiet room. Bella groaned, bucking her hips.

"Tsk, tsk." Instead of using the toy where she wanted it, Edward ran it over her pebbled nipples.

Bella thrashed under him, crying out his name. It made Edward pause. This was the time where lines had to be drawn.

"Don't stop! Please, Sir. _Please_!"

Bella wasn't quite yet ready to go under all the way. Some of the most experienced Subs rarely went under that deep, but they knew not to call their Dom on their given name.

If Edward let it slide now, Bella would think it was okay to call him that during their scenes. The problem was that he was having trouble making a difference between scene and real life at the moment, too.

He was not in the right mindset, considering he was analyzing all his decisions. This relationship was something new for both of them.

Edward turned off the vibrator, leaning over Bella's body to untie her blindfold. When their eyes met, he said a word he hadn't spoken during playtime since his time with Siobhan.

"Yellow."

She blinked, slowly focusing her brown eyes on his. Edward worked on untying her hands as she stared at him in surprise.

"What?" She sat up on her elbows. "I thought I was the one supposed to say that."

Edward moved to sit at the foot of the bed, running a hand through his hair. "Nothing about this is usual, Bella."

"Okay. So, why are you freaking out?" She crawled to him.

Edward was amused at how their roles had reversed. She cupped his cheek, watching him worried.

"You can't call me by my name during a scene." He searched her eyes, seeing how she took the news. "But then, I'm afraid I won't be able to do the same. I know I'm going to call you Bella."

"I still don't get it," she said honestly.

"How do I explain it?" He took her hands in his. "Dom/Sub relationships are purely sexual, like I told you before. Usually, they just meet strictly for the scene, before returning to their lives. They never use the other's name."

"How do they call each other? I'm sure there is a time when one of them has to say the other's name."

"The Sub addresses the Dom as Sir or Master, while the Dom uses a pet name of his choice. Like, praising the good Sub's actions with 'Good girl', or something similar."

Bella nodded, chewing on her lip. "So, I was right. We have to switch roles."

Edward started regretting stopping the scene to have this conversation. It was moot. "No."

Bella laughed uneasily.

"Look, what I'm saying is…try and not call me Edward during a scene. If you must, be sure it's only when you're close to release. Because, I know I'm going to call you Bella at some point."

"So, you stopped only to tell me what I already knew. I realized saying your name was overstepping some invisible line, but I couldn't help it."

Edward smiled, leaning to kiss her. Bella's eyelids fluttered shut, as she sagged into his arms. "Resume?"

She smiled against his lips, returning to the head of the bed, placing her hands against the headboard.

"Good girl," he murmured. He continued kissing her, as he tied her hands.

"Blindfold, Sir?" she asked, confused, when he didn't place it back.

"I want to see your eyes." It wasn't a lie. Besides, Bella's expressive eyes always told him when she was close to an orgasm. He'd need to know when to stop.

"Are you going to tease me for hours? Do I have to hold my orgasm again?"

Edward lifted a brow, amused at how quick she forgot her place. "In case it needed clarification, we're back in the scene."

"I know. That's why…" Her eyes widened in awareness. "Ooops?"

Edward flipped her body over, so she was on her stomach. "I remember I owe you some spanking." Her body tensed, and her breathing picked up. "Remember your colors if it gets to be too much."

She nodded into the mattress.

"Answer me." He caressed the soft skin on her buttocks.

"Yes, Sir." Her voice was small, lifeless.

Time to test how well Bella could take punishment. Edward sat on the back of her thighs, lifting his right hand, before letting it fall on her left cheek. Bella jumped under him, but she had nowhere to go. She was trapped.

He applied the same treatment to her other cheek, and she shifted a little.

"Stop moving," he demanded.

If Bella couldn't handle some light spanking, he was afraid how she'd react to the paddle. Hopefully, they'd never have to find out.

Three more slaps later, her ass was pink and warm.

"Color?"

It took her a moment to answer. "Green, Sir."

Edward leaned over the length of her body, making sure to push his clothed erection against the heated skin of her ass. He moved away the ponytail covering her cheek, but he found her eyes squeezed shut.

Sighing heavily, Edward turned her around gently. He ran his fingers over her stretched arms, making her shiver.

"Open your eyes, Isabella."

She obeyed immediately. Her pupils were blown with arousal and need. Edward had expected to find tears. Spanking turned her on, which was good to know.

A light blush colored her cheeks, as she kept staring at him. He smiled gently.

"Never be ashamed of what your body desires." He kissed her long and hard.

Never breaking the kiss, Edward retrieved the vibrator, bringing it back to her breasts and turning it on.

"Oh," Bella breathed against his lips. She wrapped a leg around his waist.

"Tsk." Edward pulled away, pushing her leg back on the bed. "More spanking?" he teased.

"Please, Sir."

"Please yes, or please no?" He had to know what she wanted.

Bella pushed her chest toward the vibrator hovering in the air a few inches away from her skin. She tugged at the restraints, groaning in frustration.

"You have to tell me what you want."

She stared at him worried, finally grasping her role.

"Speak freely," he encouraged.

"I want the vibrator on my pussy…Sir."

He chuckled, complying as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Clearly, Bella hadn't expected it.

She clenched her thighs, fighting the natural urge to lift her hips off the bed. Edward caressed her hips, keeping the toy pressed against her wetness. Bella's eyes rolled back and a long moan escaped her lips. Edward started rubbing the side of the vibrator between her folds.

"Don't come," he ordered.

Her fists clenched around the lace material around the headboard's ornament. Her chest was raising and falling rapidly.

Edward pushed the toy into her body until the clitoral vibrator rested where it was intended to be. Bella tensed immediately, and Edward knew she was fighting a losing battle against holding her release.

"Oh, God! I'm going to…Sir!" Her blown pupils met his, begging for mercy.

Edward started moving the toy inside her in slow, deliberate movements, keeping the upper side of the toy on her clit.

"Oh, fuck!" Bella's legs started shaking and her back arched.

"Don't. Come."

Edward used the hand on her hips to touch her quivering tummy muscles, which made Bella thrash wildly.

"I can't!" she wailed. Her whole body was shaking.

Edward pulled out the vibrator, and Bella cursed loudly, glaring at him. Instead of being upset, it amused Edward. She looked wrecked, on the verge of release.

Juices soaked the bedsheet, as Edward took in the beauty of her open and ready for him. He could have prolonged the play, but his dick was straining hard against his briefs.

After stepping out of them, and taking a condom, he returned between her open thighs. Edward filled her without warning, extracting a guttural groan from Bella. He picked the vibrator again, pressing the small protuberance intended to put pressure on her clit against the spot where their bodies were joined.

Bella's legs shook wildly and her hands tugged at the restrains. She screamed until her voice was raw. Edward expected Felix or Tanya to come and check if he was murdering Bella. He'd never had someone as vocal as her.

"I don't care if you beat with me with a hot iron stick but I'm coming!" she shouted.

Edward kept his free hand on her hip, moving the vibrator right above her clit, as he moved into her with hard and deep strokes.

"Oooohhhh…fuuuuuck!" Bella convulsed, throwing her head back.

It took Edward a second to realize what was happening. She was squeezing him too hard and the sounds their body made were wetter than what was normal. He pulled away in time for her to gush all over his chest.

"Fuck me!" she cried out. "Get back in." She was beyond reason, and Edward couldn't be upset with her.

He had only once made a Sub squirt, but it had been his intention to do so in the scene. With Bella, he hadn't even tried.

He dove back inside her, and she screamed his name, moving against him, gasping loudly. He knew when it hit her again, and this time he fucked her through it, making Bella thrash wildly under him, her arms straining against the restraints. Her inner walls were like a vice grip on him, which was enough to trigger his own release.

As he untied her hands, Bella kept shivering in aftershocks.

"Wow," she murmured.

Edward grinned, kissing the top of her head. "How are we?"

A beautiful smile graced her lips. "Greener than the Amazon forest."

He laughed, kissing her nose. "I meant, how are you feeling?"

"Do I still have a body?"

"Yup."

Her eyes fluttered shut, and Edward knew that such an intense release would make her tired. He brought over a wet cloth to clean her, before draping the blanket over their bodies.

He was pleased that Bella had enjoyed the scene. Hopefully, it put all her worries to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I got anything wrong regarding this lifestyle, I apologize. I did some research, but there would probably still be some mistakes.
> 
> Reviews are love.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the continuous support! I love reading your thoughts and opinions.
> 
> Buckle up for more darkness from Edward's past.

The following day felt like a new start, as Bella opened her eyes. She was alone in Edward's big bed, tangled in the blanket.

One of her hands went between her legs, and she shuddered at how sensitive she still was. She couldn't believe the things her body was capable of doing.

There had been times last night, she had thought it would be too much, but she'd pushed away her fears.

Everything about the previous night had been more than she'd imagined this thing with Edward could be. When she had let go of her silly fears and decided to trust him, he'd brought her to unknown heights.

Slowly, she got out of the bed, going into the bathroom. She was sore all over, and her ass ached just a tad. Spanking had been a thing she'd dreaded, but it turned out that there was a link between Edward's palm covering her ass in his handprints to the coil in her stomach. She'd never been as turned on as when he'd spanked her – not in such a short amount of time.

Bella pulled on a pair of clean panties and went into Edward's closet to borrow one of his shirts. She had always liked that image of herself wearing a man's shirt, but there had never been a chance to do it before. Now, she had a boyfriend, and he had to share his shirts with her. She had yet to return the other shirts he'd let her borrow.

She padded out of his room, toward the front of the house.

Edward was wearing only a pair of sweatpants and a thin, sleeveless shirt. He had his back to the hallway, leaning over his laptop on the kitchen island. His phone was to his ear of what she could see.

Bella would have loved nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and kiss him good morning, but she knew he'd be upset at her for sneaking up on him. So, she walked around, stopping in his line of vision.

His green eyes lifted over the lid of the laptop. A smile appeared on his face. "One minute," he mouthed to her.

She nodded, turning to the coffee maker. There was the red mug, waiting for her on a heated pad. She poured liberal amounts of sugar in it, before ransacking the refrigerator for cream. With her coffee in hand, she went to sit on the couch.

Bella noticed her phone on the coffee table, and she had no idea how it got there.

"Your phone rang earlier. I'm surprised it didn't wake you," Edward explained, joining her.

"I don't even know when you woke up. I slept like the dead," she joked.

He pushed her hair away from her shoulder, kissing her neck. "Want to talk about last night?"

"It was definitely not what I expected," she answered truthfully.

"In a good way?"

"Definitely." She nodded, reached out to take his hand. "You really scared me when you said _Yellow_ ," she admitted in a small voice.

Edward chuckled. "I scared myself." He brought their joined hands to his mouth.

"So, I can call you Edward during a scene, but only if I'm coming…when I don't know my mind?"

"I know it sounds terrible, but we have to make a difference between play time and us."

"I like it when you call me Isabella," she confessed, squeezing his hands. She closed the gap between them, and Edward met her for a morning kiss. She pulled away sooner than she wanted, but she remembered his words from earlier. "You said my phone rang."

"Yes, it was Alice."

"Oh. What time is it, anyway?" Bella looked around, surprised not to see a clock.

"Close to noon. Believe me, I'd have returned to bed after telling Alice you'll call when you woke up, but then Emmett called me to help with a technical problem. They missed their connection plane in New York. I was on the phone with the airport earlier."

"Oh. That sucks."

"Yeah. I found them another plane to Maldives leaving in three hours. I guess, Rose will enjoy the time shopping." He shrugged.

"Poor Emmett," Bella mumbled. She reached out for her phone. "What did Alice want?"

"No clue. She is not speaking to me apparently."

"Because you acted like an ass to her."

His eyes narrowed minutely at her calling him names, and Bella hoped he'd allow her to speak her mind when they weren't playing. She'd put up a fight if he didn't let her talk freely.

"I thought it was the best way to approach the situation. I know how Jasper feels about babies," he explained. "I had no idea how he'd react."

"So, you decided to dominate him?" Bella pursed her lips. She was pleased that Edward wasn't mad for her arguing with him about this. "Besides, he didn't seem that repulsed at the idea of becoming a father from what I saw."

Edward looked away, taking a deep breath. Bella was surprised to see pain on his face.

"She was pregnant," Edward said in a soft voice. He cleared his throat, shaking his head. "I refused to think of the other life I'd killed for the longest time."

A knot in her throat choked Bella up. She stared at him in horror, barely grasping how deep Edward's wound over losing Angela was.

"I try not to think about this often. If I do, I'll likely end up in a padded room."

Bella hugged him without thinking. Edward stiffened, his breathing becoming labored. She was sure, his reaction wasn't due to his aversion to being touched, for once.

"Have you mourned him, too? Or…her? Did you know…" She stopped talking, aware how it might hurt him to think about it.

"We hadn't told anyone. She'd found out a week or so, before it happened. She wasn't even showing." His ragged breathing was a clear sign he was trying not to break down.

Bella hugged him tighter, rubbing a hand over his back as gently as possible. There would be too many triggers to make him pull away and close up, if she made a wrong move.

Bella tried to remember what Jasper used to tell her about allowing herself to grieve and feel the pain, because otherwise it would backfire at her during the worst times. It looked like Edward hadn't dealt well with his grieving. Bella could bet, he'd suffered in silence, like a dog, locked up in his house, keeping everyone away. He'd probably not even allowed Tanya and Felix near.

"I thought about the fetus only once." Bella winced at the word he'd used for the baby. "Let's say…I should be grateful for Tanya and Felix for keeping a close eye on me during those months of self-isolation."

Bella gasped, realizing what he'd implied. She felt tears slipping from her eyes. She felt helpless, not knowing what to do to make him feel better, to make him cope with the pain.

Edward pressed his cheek against her shoulder, and she felt it soak almost immediately. His shoulders shook, as he tried not to show he was crying.

Bella threaded her fingers through his hair, kissing his temple. "You're allowed to cry. Something as horrific as this affects you deeply."

"Why do you sound like Jasper?" he mumbled.

"Because it's something he used to tell me, when we covered the subject of my parents' deaths."

"I don't see you breaking down like a wimp."

Bella tilted his head, looking into his wet eyes. "You have no idea how many times I've cried myself to sleep in the first years. Even after that month of therapy with Jasper… Even now, sometimes, it hits me out of nowhere." She smoothed her thumb between his brows. "You heal in time, and you learn how to live with the pain."

"That's what I've been told."

"It's true. I didn't believe it, either." Bella remembered how Billy used to tell her that the pain would fade in time, but she had been wounded too deeply to believe it back then. She had not only lost her parents, but her brother had abandoned her when she'd needed him the most.

"You're so brave and so strong." Edward cupped her cheek.

"I'm not, but I try. Did you talk to Jasper about this?"

"I didn't talk to anyone, Bella."

"You can tell me. I promise to be a good listener. But I bet Jasper will be a better candidate at helping you."

Edward nodded. "I thought I could deal with this on my own."

"No one can," she whispered. "Especially, not something as traumatic as what you've been through."

Edward brushed a hand under his eyes. "You're too much, you know that?"

"I just care for you. I don't want to see you hurting." Bella figured it was too soon to admit how deep her feelings for him ran. She didn't want to scare him.

.

.

.

In the early evening, Bella's phone ringing disturbed their moment of peace. Bella had suggested they should watch a movie to keep their minds otherwise occupied. Edward hadn't pulled out of his funk, not completely. He lay with his head on her lap, his eyes on the projection on the wall, but Bella could tell he wasn't watching the movie.

She accepted Alice's call. "Hi, Alice."

"Bella! Don't tell me you just woke up!" She sounded outraged.

"Uh, I've been up for a while," she mumbled.

"Awesome. Edward forgot to tell you I called?"

"No. I forgot to call you back." Returning Alice's call had been at the bottom of her priority list.

"Well, did you forget I have something of yours?" she asked, teasingly.

Bella gasped, making Edward turn to look at her, concerned. "Harley," she moaned.

"Did you somehow forget about him?" Alice laughed.

"No." She refused to admit it out loud, but Bella had indeed not thought once of her poor dog. "I'm coming to get him."

"We don't mind keeping him, but he's been extra whinny. I guess he misses you."

"He's never been away from me," Bella said. "Is it okay if I come now?"

"Yes. We can have dinner together?" Alice suggested.

"Sure. See you soon." They hung up, and Bella met Edward's thoughtful eyes.

"Does he chew furniture?" Edward asked, frowning.

"Excuse me?"

"Your dog. Is he well-behaved?"

"You know he's pretty well trained. He hasn't pottied in the house since he's been six months old, and the last time he chewed my shoes it was in revenge for leaving him alone for over twelve hours."

"Dogs don't feel revenge," Edward retorted, amused. "Did you stay over at work or something? Twelve hours alone…"

Bella blushed, averting her eyes. "It happened one of those times when I went home with someone," she admitted in a small voice. "Anyway, I returned at, like, nine the next morning. There he was on the couch, chewing through my third pair of shoes."

Edward laughed heartily. "That's next level of jealousy."

"It's revenge. Harley is evil. All my nice shoes have personally offended him, somehow."

"Let's go get him, before he decides to chew on Alice's shoes. She might cook him for dinner if that happens."

Bella shuddered. "Uh, she invited us to stay for dinner."

Edward stood up, stretching. His shirt rode up, showing a silver of skin and a glimpse of his happy trail. "If Alice behaves, sure. We're staying."

As they got dressed, Bella paused while buttoning her jean shorts. "Do I have to act different around them?"

"Be yourself," he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"But, I know how Alice has to respect you," she protested. "Should I be careful what I say to Jasper?"

Edward lifted her up and Bella wrapped her legs around him by instinct. He carried her to the vanity desk in the walk-in closet. Once she was seated there, Edward cupped her cheeks, pressing his forehead against hers.

"That's one of his rules. It used to be one of my rules, too."

"Not anymore?"

"No. I want you to be yourself when we're not playing." His fingers knotted in her hair, as his lips descended for a heated kiss.

"We're going to be late."

Edward pulled her shorts and panties down her legs. "Do I look like I care?" He ran his hands over her thighs. "Don't move." He hurried out of the closet

Bella felt awfully undressed in only a tank top sitting on the desk. Edward returned with a condom foil, smirking. He unzipped his chinos on the way to her, sheathing his erection in the rubber.

The coil in Bella's stomach tightened as she stared at the confidence Edward showed in his every step. He stopped between her open legs, pushing two fingers deep into her wetness.

"So ready for me," he murmured.

Bella couldn't help but moan in agreement. Edward kissed the column of her neck, as he pushed inside her.

"Can I touch you?" she gasped, her hands itching to touch his skin.

"Yes," he agreed against her neck.

Bella's fingers dug into his biceps when he started using a punishing rhythm. As his hands travelled down her back to squeeze her ass, Bella splayed her fingers over his back. Edward hadn't put a shirt on, yet. She could feel the thin scars under her touch, but she focused on the pleasure he brought her.

She threw her head back, moaning loudly when he found the right spot inside her. Edward claimed her lips in a bruising kiss, swallowing her cries of pleasure. He lifted one of her legs, bringing it on his shoulder. The change of angle made her convulse as her skin began to tingle. She was close, but she'd learned that if she held her release, it would feel so much better.

Edward brushed his thumb over one of her nipples, moving his hips hard and fast against her. Suddenly, he tensed up, gasping loudly. "Fuck," he spat, stilling his movements deep inside her. It was all it took for Bella to explode, making him curse louder. His whole body sagged against her, his ragged breath covering her shoulder.

Bella brushed the sweaty hair away from his eyes, smiling. "I think we need a shower."

"When I locate my legs, I'll let you know."

She giggled. "I can be patient."

"You're a minx," he mumbled against her neck, kissing wherever he could reach. "I hadn't been taken by surprise by my own release in years. I always time it perfectly."

"You can't have control over everything," she teased.

Edward hoisted her up, throwing her over his shoulder. He carried her into the bathroom, chuckling when Bella complained loudly.

Apparently, she had to get used to be carried caveman style by Edward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with this final part of the accident in the open, Edward is ready to start healing. More on that in the upcoming chapters.
> 
> PS: I started a new short story which is an alternative ending for New Moon. It's called Lost Without Each Other. Check it out, if it's something you enjoy!


	25. Chapter 25

Edward barely closed the passenger door behind Bella, when the sound of claws on the pavement was heard. Bella grinned as she crouched down to catch Harley. The dog's front paws collided with Bella's shoulders, effectively making her lose balance and fall on her back. Then, he proceeded to lick her face, his tail wagging happily. Bella ruffled his fur, making chunks of fluff fly everywhere.

Edward watched the scene smiling. When he noticed Bella struggling to get up, he caught Harley's collar, pulling him away. He whined, turning as if to bite.

"No," Edward snapped, tightening his grip. Bella watched curiously as Harley obeyed, sitting down and watching Edward expectantly. He patted Harley's head. "Good boy."

"You definitely have to teach me how you do it," she complained.

"It's all in the tone of your voice."

"He's too much of a brat to listen to me."

Edward chuckled. "Pot meet kettle."

"Shut up." Bella giggled, playfully slapping his arm.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, steering her toward the front door. Harley followed them quietly.

Jasper greeted them at the door, watching them curiously. Edward was aware of how odd his behavior looked to his friend, but all the changes he'd made in his life didn't seem like too much.

"Hi," Edward said in greeting.

"Hey! Thank you so much for putting up with my drama queen," Bella said with a smile.

"It was no trouble." Jasper dismissed her with a hand. "Harley was actually well-behaved. Though, when he realized you weren't coming to get him after several hours, he sat at the window over there and howled. That's when chaos broke."

Edward laughed loudly. "Did Rocks and Princess howl, too?"

"No. They started barking at him, probably telling him to stop crying for his mommy."

Bella pouted, crouching again to hug Harley. She stroked a finger between his eyes, making him whine in pleasure.

"See? That's why he had a hard time to be away from you," Jasper pointed out. "You kiss his ass too much."

Edward silently agreed with his friend, but he didn't like how affected Bella was over learning how distressed her dog had been away from her. "Don't worry. You won't have to play nanny for him again."

"I'm not leaving him alone in the studio when I come over!" Bella hissed.

"That's not what I meant. I'm afraid your neighbors might call the animal protection services if he starts howling. I also fear for your shoes," he teased.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Then, what?"

"There was a reason why I asked how trained he was. We'll bring him over when you stay the night again."

"At your place?" Her eyes widened. "He'll leave fur all over."

"There's this great invention called a vacuum cleaner," Edward deadpanned.

"If you're sure…" She stood up, watching him uncertainly.

"Yes."

Alice joined them, and almost immediately stole Bella. She barely looked in Edward's direction.

Jasper frowned after them, pressing his lips together. "She's upset," he explained.

"I figured as much. What about you?"

They hadn't talked about what Edward had tried to do in his guest bedroom. Actually, they hadn't talked at all. Jasper had helped Edward up silently from where he'd been kneeling over Angela's grave, before taking him home in silence.

Edward wanted not to think about that. He'd pushed away the pain for too long. His conversation with Bella from earlier had been eye-opening in many ways.

Jasper led him to the couch, offering him a drink. Edward accepted the whiskey glass, but didn't attempt to drink from it.

"How are you?" Jasper asked carefully.

It was probably a casual question, but for Edward, it felt like the trigger he needed to admit he needed help.

"I'm a mess, Jasper." He stared into the amber liquid in his glass. Slowly, he lifted his head to meet Jasper's wary gaze. "Tell me when you can schedule me in."

Jasper's surprise was clear on his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm not going to burden Bella with my misery." He took a sip from the glass. "She offered to be there if I ever needed to talk about what happened."

"Christ. What happened?" Jasper leaned forward, his eyes curious.

Edward shook his head. "Not now."

"Tomorrow. Come by, after work," he suggested.

"At the clinic?"

"If you're not comfortable with that, we can always do it here, in my study."

"The clinic is better," Edward decided. "Thank you."

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you admit that you need help. I've been waiting for this moment for months."

Edward shrugged. "I thought I could deal with this. I can't."

"Did something happen? Did you and Bella try a scene?"

"It wasn't that. Stop trying to pick through my brain. Leave it for tomorrow." Edward was dreading the session awaiting him.

They switched to talking about the wedding, and Edward was grateful for the change of subject.

When Jasper smiled at something over Edward's shoulder, he turned to see Alice and Bella approaching them. Bella had accepted Alice so easily, and of course, Alice had been right – they had become best friends.

Alice threw herself over Jasper's lap, kissing his cheek.

Bella hovered by Edward's side, looking unsure if to sit beside him or mirror Alice's stance. Edward solved her mystery by wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her on his lap.

"Hey, you." He kissed her lips softly.

"Hey." Bella combed her fingers through his hair, grinning. "Alice has to tell you something."

"Bella," Alice groaned, but she reluctantly met Edward's eyes. "I'm sorry for the other day."

"No, Alice. I'm sorry. I forgot my place," Edward admitted. "It wasn't my business."

"I told you that he was looking out for you, baby. Edward knew how I felt about babies," Jasper explained quietly. "But I'm glad you decided to forgive him."

Alice huffed. "Let's just say that Bella is far more cunning than she looks."

Bella laughed loudly. She pressed her lips to Edward's ear. "I bribed her with a shopping trip if she apologized."

"You're evil," Edward joked.

She nuzzled his ear, sighing contently. Edward kept his arms loosely wrapped around her, turning to face his friends. Alice was smiling widely, while Jasper had the same puzzled expression he'd worn when they'd arrived. Edward was aware of how different he was acting around Bella, but it felt natural.

"So…we've been thinking of getting married before I start showing," Alice said. "It would be a disaster not to look good in my wedding dress."

"You speak as if you've already bought it," Bella said, confused.

Alice rolled her eyes. "It was the first thing I did when Jasper asked me."

Edward snorted out. "That sounds like a very Alice thing."

"It's a good thing, too. I bet you couldn't have worn it in winter – not without freezing to death," Jasper joked. "You should see it." He looked at Edward, shuddering.

"Stop it, Jazzy! You shouldn't have seen the dress at all!"

"If you planned on allowing that guy helping you zip it up, you're sadly mistaken, darlin'."

"Can I see it?" Bella asked.

Alice squealed, springing out of Jasper's arms. She pulled Bella after her, talking about Bella's bridesmaid dress. Clearly, Bella had no idea what she'd walked in with asking to see the gown.

"If you planned on going back home soon, that ship has sailed." Jasper stretched out his feet under the coffee table.

"I thought Alice invited us over for dinner."

"Oh, right. Help me with the grill?"

"You haven't even started it?" Edward should have known it.

They went outside through the back door. While they worked on grilling their dinner, they watched the dogs running around. It looked like Harley loved being free from the confines of the small studio he shared with Bella.

It was dusk when Bella and Alice emerged from the house. Jasper and Edward had set the food on the table on the patio. As they sat down to eat, the talk centered around Alice and Jasper's wedding.

"I tried to convince her, we can skip the reception and just have a small gathering, but no. Alice wants the whole thing now." Jasper shook his head, smiling warmly at his fiancée.

"Because we won't find the time… _after_ ," she insisted. "And I want it in our backyard."

"Is that a good idea?" Bella asked. "Imagine the mess left behind."

Edward knew why their backyard was a better option than any other venue. They were going to invite other members of the BDSM community, and it would be hard to explain some things to narrow-minded people.

"We'll hire a cleaning service." Alice dismissed it.

While Alice kept yapping about names and a possible theme, Edward stared at Bella. It would be far too soon to introduce her to the community, but there was no other choice. Edward understood why Jasper kept hinting at a small gathering – it was for Bella's benefit. Maybe, if they could make Alice see reason, she'd be amiable to wait one year.

"Alice," Edward cut into her never-ending babbling. "I doubt it's possible to get everyone you have in mind to accept a wedding invitation on such a short notice."

"Okay, so maybe, not everyone will come, but some of them will. I see why a smaller wedding sounds like a better idea. It's not like I'm thinking of hundreds of people here, anyway. Fifty, at the most."

"I know, baby." Jasper covered her hand on the table. He glanced Edward's way, before focusing on Alice. "I'll bet you want Peter and Charlotte there. They're still travelling across the States. We're not sure when they'll return."

Alice pouted, her lower lip jutting out. "Can't you get in contact with Mr. Peter?"

"I'm not going to end their vacation, just because your new life ambition is to get married within the month." His voice was low and cold.

Bella flinched, her eyes wide on their interaction. Edward was aware that witnessing part of the lifestyle would help her understand the bigger picture.

"When are they due back?" Alice asked in small, reserved voice.

Edward expected Jasper to demand Alice to address him more respectfully during an argument, but it was clear this was just an argument between Jasper and Alice, not between Master Jasper and Pet Alice.

"The beginning of September, the latest."

"I can work with that." Alice rested a hand on her tummy, mouthing to herself. "I shouldn't be showing much then."

Jasper rolled his eyes, meeting Edward's eyes. "And that's how I lose all my arguments with her," he muttered.

"Awww, don't be a sore loser." Alice leaned over to hug Jasper, kissing his cheek.

Bella giggled, shyly glancing at Edward. He shook his head, shrugging.

When they got ready to leave for the evening, Alice reminded Bella about the shopping trip she'd promised to go on. While they made plans to meet the following week, Jasper helped Edward spread a blanket over his backseat so Harley wouldn't leave too much fur on his leather seats.

"I hope you're taking us home," Bella said, as they pulled away from Jasper's house.

"Is that what you want?" Edward frowned. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to her.

"Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"How is that relevant?"

"Well, I have to be at the bar at around two o'clock and see what I missed in my time away. If you leave early in the morning, I'll be stranded at your place."

They had meant to take Bella's Nova to Jasper's, but it turned out she was somehow out of gas, which had them ride in Edward's Volvo.

Edward fought against a smile. "I have several spare cars."

Bella huffed, folding her arms across her chest, glaring out the window. Such little things proved that Bella was an independent woman, who apparently didn't need anyone's help.

"I can't persuade you to stay overnight? I'll drive you home on my way to work," he offered.

"I'd rather get back to my sleeping schedule. I messed it up in the past few days. Tomorrow night will be a killer," she groaned.

There was no room around to argue with her, not unless he constricted her somehow. That was the farthest thought on his mind.

He parked in front of her apartment building. Bella didn't make a move to get out of the car.

"Wanna come upstairs?" she asked, her cheeks reddening.

Edward barked a loud laugh. "So, that's how it is."

A small smile appeared on her lips. "You have a ride home when you want to go." She gestured to the car.

"Fair enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might not agree with Jasper helping Edward, but Edward wouldn't have opened up to anyone else. It will be difficult for Jasper, being his best friend and therapist, but it's for the best.
> 
> See you all next chapter!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be some trigger during Jasper and Edward's session in the second part of the chapter, so approach with caution.

It was five o'clock in the morning when Edward pulled away from Bella. Sharing a bed with her and Harley hadn't been what he'd expected when he accepted the invitation to spend the night. Bella shifted in her sleep, flopping on her stomach, hugging the pillow Edward had used.

He smiled, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

Harley installed himself at the door when he noticed Edward preparing to leave. Knowing Bella would be asleep for several more hours, Edward took the keys and Harley's leash. He wanted to take him for a jog, but he wasn't dressed appropriately, so they just walked around. Edward was grateful for the potty bags recipient latched on the leash. He hadn't thought about it.

When they returned, Harley showed him his ritual by nudging the water bowl with his muzzle.

While the dog lapped water, Edward tracked a notepad and left Bella a note that he'd walked Harley and he'd call her later.

On the ride home, all Edward could think of was his upcoming meeting with Jasper. As he got ready for work, he almost called Jasper to cancel, but he wasn't ready to hear an earful from his friend.

When Edward went into the kitchen to ask Tanya for a coffee to go, he was surprised to find Tanya and Felix watching him with equally worried expressions.

"What," he demanded.

"You didn't return last night," Tanya said slowly.

"I had no idea I had to report to you."

"We were worried," Felix added. "It never happened before. You could have called."

Edward palmed his face. "What the hell happened to you two? You weren't so goddamn nosy!"

"Like Felix said, you never failed to come home after a night out, sir," Tanya mumbled, her eyes down.

"A strong coffee to go," Edward demanded. "And if it's so important what happened to me last night, I spent the night at Bella's." He rolled his eyes, marching out of the house.

Felix joined him in the Caddy several minutes later with his travel mug. Edward accepted it, gratefully.

"I want you to look into fencing the backyard – costs, pros and cons," Edward said after a while.

Felix met his eyes through the rearview mirror, confusion evident on his face. "Yes, sir."

The work day dragged from meeting to meeting, and Edward barely paid attention to anything. His mind was solely on his appointment with Jasper. His palms were sweating and his heart was beating erratically, as he left the building at the end of the day.

He found several printed pages on the seat next him. It looked like Felix had done a thorough job in researching a solid fencing system for the backyard. If he planned to have Bella over as much as he wanted, Harley would need a safe place to run around without the fear of him running away.

"To Jasper's office, please," Edward said, as they pulled away in the traffic.

Felix only nodded. He'd driven Edward to Jasper's office many times before, but this time would be different.

Edward tried to get his panic attack under control, before he worked himself up too badly. His saving grace came in for of a text message from Bella.

**Thanks for helping with Harley. You shouldn't have. Just writing to let you know, I might be able to see you again only this weekend.**

Edward pursed his lips. As much as he admired how strong-headed and independent Bella was, her job at the bar could be different. She owned the place. She shouldn't be wasting nights while serving drinks to all sort of creeps.

_**You work on Friday?** _

**I can take it off. =)**

_**Please do. You're coming with Harley for a sleepover.** _

**Yes, Sir.**

Edward chuckled. Her sass was getting out of hand, but it didn't upset him at all.

"We're here." Felix's voice pulled Edward from his musings.

Sweat beaded at his forehead, as he stepped out of the car. "Don't wait for me," he said over his shoulder.

.

.

.

Ten minutes had passed since Edward had stepped out of his car in front of the building holding Jasper's practice. Jasper stood in front of the window, staring at his friend, curious about when he'd decide to step into the building.

It took Edward five more minutes to arrive into Jasper's office.

Jasper was waiting in his leather chair behind the sleek, modern desk, so Edward wouldn't think he'd been spying on him. To say that Jasper was surprised, when Edward had approached him with the suggestion that they should talk about his problems, it was a huge understatement.

"Hello," Edward greeted him, closing the door behind him.

Edward looked as gloomy as the gray walls of Jasper's office. Jasper kept a neutral color scheme in the furniture and walls and carpet to keep his patients from being distracted. The only colorful thing was the picture frame of Alice dressed in a pink dress, sitting on his desk.

"Edward." Jasper nodded in acknowledgment. While in his office, he had to treat his friend like any other patient. "Please, take a seat."

Edward stared at the sofa for a long time, before walking slowly toward it. He'd sat there numerous times in the past when he'd visited Jasper at work for trivial matters.

"Thank you for emailing me all the information I needed to create your file," Jasper said.

When it was clear Edward wasn't going to say anything unless prompted, Jasper decided on a cautious approach.

"Can you tell me what determined you to seek help?"

Edward dropped his head, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, his elbows resting on his spread knees. "I can't deal with the burden on my own."

Jasper stared at Edward's body language. It was not too late to heal him, but too much time had passed since the accident. Edward had tried to cope with the pain, and somehow, it had backfired at him.

"What was the trigger to determine you to seek help?" Jasper insisted.

"Alice's news," Edward answered in a rough voice.

Jasper jerked in his chair. He was no longer Edward's doctor in that moment. Jasper couldn't believe it. "What do you mean?" He braced himself for the worst news.

Edward's eyes met his, and Jasper wasn't surprised to see tears in them. "I did not only kill Angela that night. She was pregnant."

"Fuck," Jasper pushed away from the desk. "Edward, why haven't you told me?"

Tears slipped from Edward's eyes, as he shook his head. "I tried not to think of the fetus. The only time I slipped…" He cleared his throat, sniffing. "…Felix had to pull me from the pool when I was…you know what I wanted to do."

"I can only imagine," Jasper admitted. He refrained from touching Edward – his friend was not kin on being touched, besides, it would be highly unprofessional.

"You said earlier that you killed them. Is that how you feel?" Jasper asked quietly, attempting to return in his doctor mode. It was hard to be professional when his best friend was falling to pieces in front of him.

"It's the truth," Edward said harshly. "I was too upset about her fucking revealing dress. If I hadn't looked away from the road…" He pressed his hands to his face. "I had been drinking that night, too."

"Edward, you didn't kill them. What you're experiencing is called survivor's guilt."

"I'm not a survivor, Jasper. I'm a murderer." Edward dropped his hands from his face to look at Jasper. "There were times…I was ready to call the police and have them arrest me."

Jasper reached out to touch Edward's hand. "Let me help you deal with what happened that night."

"That's why I'm here."

Jasper chose to ignore the sarcasm in Edward's answer. "How do you feel when you think of that night?"

"Angry. Empty." Edward gulped, looking away. "Dead."

Jasper squeezed his fingers. "Considering the first sentiment in regards to that night is anger, it means you haven't forgiven yourself."

"How can I?"

"What makes you feel better right now?"

Edward frowned, clearly confused by the change in topic. "Bella."

Jasper had expected that answer. "Do you think it's fair for her to bring all your problems in your new relationship?"

"So, you're saying it's too soon to have someone new."

"I'm just saying…it's not fair for her. If she makes you happy, keep her close. But, you have to face your demons before they consume you." Jasper stood up, returning to his desk. "Knowing your lifestyle, it's a matter of time before you'll lash out on Bella when it won't be her fault. It will only be your fault for not healing properly."

"If you think I'm going to hurt Bella, you don't know me at all, Jasper!"

"That's the anger, see? If my mere words affect you so terribly, think what a misjudged comment from her could lead to."

"Go on…" Edward motioned for him to keep talking.

"I want you to go back to the night of the accident," Jasper said, leaning back in his chair. Edward stiffened, but didn't say anything. "I want you to think rationally. Take as long as you need. Whose fault it is for the accident?"

"Mine," Edward answered before Jasper could finish addressing the question.

"Wrong answer. Think as if you witnessed the whole thing. Who would you find guilty?"

Edward frowned, his eyes narrowing at Jasper. It was good that he was channeling his anger toward someone else. "The truck driver. He was coming from the side street. He should have slowed down."

"Very good answer. Did anything happen to him?"

Edward shrugged. "I think he was fined and he had his license suspended. I'm not sure, though."

"He's the murderer, Edward. Some might say the whole accident was a chain reaction of bad decisions from all parties involved, but at the end of day, someone has to be found guilty. Especially, when two innocent people were killed."

"I'm the murderer!" Edward shouted, standing up abruptly.

"No, Edward. The only thing you feel guilty about is that you survived," Jasper said softly. "You handled the pain in the worst way possible and I wish you'd allowed me to help from the beginning."

"I didn't handle anything. I was a fucking mess."

"You're allowed to grieve. It's human to suffer the loss of someone you loved." Jasper was pleased to see Edward sitting back down on the sofa. "Think about how people who love you feel about your survival."

"That's what kept me from committing suicide every time the pain got to be too much. I didn't want my family to go through what I was going through."

That confession sent chills down Jasper's spine. He had never had a patient to admit so casually that he'd considered ending his days.

"Tell me about how you dealt with…how you tried to deal with this pain on your own," Jasper coaxed.

"I drank. I cried. I was on a self-destructive path."

"You drank," Jasper repeated, fearful. "Are we talking a few drinks or…"

"A few bottles?" Edward snorted. "It was different than college, if that's where you're headed. I was lucid the whole time."

"Why did you push your family away?"

"I didn't need their pity. And I didn't want you picking through my brain. I thought I was strong enough to deal with it on my own."

Jasper nodded. "The survivor guilt's reactions are common with those of PTSD: mood swings, social distancing, suicidal thoughts, depression, flashbacks, obsessive thoughts. Any of these sound familiar?"

"On point," Edward admitted.

"I have a few more questions for you."

"Of course, you do." Edward rolled his eyes.

"How do you feel right now?"

"Aggravated."

"Do you have a happy place where you go to escape from your mind?"

"Like, a physical place?" Edward asked, confused.

"It can be a literal place, an imaginary place, or even a person." Jasper already knew Edward's answer, and he prepared his next question.

"Bella is my happy place."

"Did you talk to her about this?" Jasper had to make sure he'd read Edward correctly.

"She knows everything. It was her idea to talk to you when I told her about the fetus."

Jasper didn't like how Edward thought of the baby. It was the result of his bad mechanism of coping with the accident. Edward refused to see the unborn as a real person.

"Who would Bella blame for the accident?"

"Fuck you," Edward spat, heading to the door. "I'm done here."

"See you next week, Edward."

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Edward muttered.

"You also have homework," Jasper added seriously. "I want you to practice self-care, which should be activities that benefit you to feel good: reading, music, art, walks on the beach…"

"Fucking?" Edward said mockingly.

Jasper joined his friend at the door, keeping a hand on the knob. "Try not to get into a scene. Not while you're seeing me."

"Why?"

"These visits are supposed to wreak havoc inside you, before you heal. Considering you're all for dating Bella, focus on that part of the relationship. And remember, if you ever need to talk, I'm a phone call away."

Edward nodded, turning to open the door, but stopped in his tracks. "Bella'd blame the truck driver."

Jasper smiled, shutting the door after his friend. They had made good progress. Edward would need weeks of therapy before he came to accept what had happened that night, before he started healing. Jasper was ready to be patient and guide his friend through the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to see that you all approve and understand that Jasper is the best candidate to help Edward.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I read and appreciate each review. Thank you so much for all the support!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for an emotional rollercoaster.

It was close to eight o'clock in the evening when Bella saw Edward stepping into Eclipse. She hadn't expected to see him so soon.

There was something clearly off. His shoulders were slumped and when their eyes met, she knew something terrible had happened. He seemed to have been crying.

Edward climbed on a stool in the far corner of the bar, and Bella pushed Paul out of her way when he tried to get to Edward before her. "I've got it," she told Paul. "What's wrong?" she asked breathlessly, leaning over the counter toward Edward.

"Not here."

She worried her lip, knowing that it was time to think of changing her schedule somehow. She wanted nothing more than to be with Edward, but the evening rush hour was just starting.

"You don't have to leave early for me. I'm here for a drink, anyway."

Bella narrowed her eyes at him. "It's one of the golden rules of bar-tendering: never serve the sad, depressed guys."

"You just made that up. I bet your friend there will help." He pointed to Paul.

"Not if I tell him not to serve you anything alcoholic."

"Are you arguing with me?" He raised a brow, his mouth set in a hard line.

"Are you kidding me?" Bella exclaimed. "Outside!" She pointed to the door. "I'm taking a short break," she told Paul on the way around the counter.

Edward held the door open for her as they stepped into the warm evening air. He leaned against the side of the building, folding his arms across his chest. It was clear he wasn't going to tell her anything if he acted so defensively.

"Edward?" She hovered a hand over his shoulder, before cupping it.

He shrugged her off, frowning at the dirt at their feet. "I went to see Jasper."

"Shit." Bella hadn't expected Edward to actually listen to her advice.

"I can't do this." His hard, empty eyes met hers. "I have to be alone while I heal."

"I'm not going anywhere," she said softly.

"Jasper said I shouldn't get involved in any scenes. I'm not sure I can do anything… _regular_ , either." His voice was as empty as his eyes. "What we talked about…it gave me a lot to think."

"If you think you're pushing me away for my benefit—"

"Bella, this is something I need to do on my own. I don't want you around during this." His green eyes were so raw, it cut through her heart.

Edward had been hurt so deeply, Bella desperately hoped Jasper could mend him. Also, she was sure that Edward was making a fundamental mistake in pushing her away, but she'd respect his decision.

"I'll be here." She couldn't hear her own voice, but Edward nodded. When he pushed away from the wall, Bella caught his wrist. He stiffened, staring at her hand. "If you need me…"

"You'll know it." He leaned closer, dropping a kiss on her brow. "I'm sorry."

A sob caught in Bella's throat, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She expected Edward to push her away for her forwardness, but he crushed her closer to his chest. He breathed harshly into her hair.

She was working up a speech to make him understand why he'd need her presence in his life while he healed, but before she could create order in her thoughts, Edward escaped from her embrace. He ambled down the street, his hands deep in his pockets and his shoulders slumped.

Bella stood rooted in place, watching the man she'd fallen in love with slipping away. It was a high possibility, he'd never heal…not on his own.

The roar of a bike's engine made her snap out of her thoughts. She barely spared a look at the new customer dismounting his bike, as she returned inside the bar.

The rest of the night was a blur of mixing drinks and serving them, which kept her occupied enough not to think about Edward's decision.

At home, she took Harley for a short walk, while she decided to go to Edward's. The worst that he could do was have Tanya turn her around.

The following morning, Bella woke up ready to fulfill her plan. Felix had returned her Nova the previous day with a tank full of gas. She drove to Edward's house, expecting the worst.

Tanya met her halfway to the front door. "Did Mr. Cullen spend the night at yours again?"

Bella stumbled back, taken by surprise. "You mean, he wasn't home last night?"

Tanya shook her head, her eyes filled with worry. "He had Felix drop him by at Dr. Whitlock's office after work yesterday, and that's the last we know of him."

Bella felt bile rising in her mouth. What had Edward done? Where could he be?

She rushed back to her car, not telling Tanya that she'd seen Edward in the evening. She drove to Jasper's house, hoping he was home.

As Bella was pulling up in their driveway, Jasper was ready to drive away. She jerked her wheel, parking in front of Jasper. His brakes screeched loudly as he stopped in time.

He jumped out of the truck at the same time as Bella stepped out of her car.

"Is he here?" she asked, before he could state that she was clearly insane.

"Fuck." Jasper paled.

His reaction made Bella feel sicker. She was running out of places of where Edward could be.

Maybe at his parents' house? She didn't know where they lived.

Maybe at his sister's? But she wasn't home.

Then it clicked. He was at the cemetery.

"Where are you going?" Jasper demanded, when Bella made to get back behind the wheel.

"I know where Edward is." She narrowed her eyes at Jasper across the hood of her car. "He came to me yesterday afternoon. He decided we needed a break while he healed."

"I didn't tell him to push you away, if you think it's my fault."

"I know your methods, Jasper. I've been your patient. You can't beat him down and make him see for himself what's wrong. If I can see that, I'm not sure what that says about you."

Alice chose that moment to step out of the house, watching them confused.

"It says, I'm doing my job right. Of course, he's doing it wrong, as usual, but he's trying to sort out his priorities," Jasper said seriously.

"You don't know how terrible he looked yesterday when he came to Eclipse! Then, when he left…" She took a shuddering breath. "I shouldn't have allowed him to leave in that state."

"Why did you come here to ask if Edward had spent the night?" Jasper frowned.

"Because he hasn't gone home last night. I know where he is, so please, let me go and see…and…" Bella slumped against her open door, as a sob erupted through her.

"What's going on?" Alice demanded, probably tired of watching them arguing.

"You're not going to drive in this state," Jasper insisted. "Stay with Alice. Let me go and get him."

Bella glanced at Alice, who seemed to have understood something was wrong with Edward. "I'm coming with you," Bella said, walking on wobbly legs to Jasper's large pick-up truck.

Jasper convinced Alice to go back inside the house and wait for them. Bella would have put up a fight if she were in Alice's place.

"You have to let me do the talking," Jasper said, once he joined her in the car. He backed out, driving around her Nova. The driver's door was still open as she'd left it.

"I can't promise that," Bella answered, knowing a vehement denying would get her nowhere.

"You have no idea how I found him the last time…"

"I can only imagine. Look, I told him to talk to you, because I could see he wasn't winning the fight on his own." Bella stared at her hands. "If Edward needs to be alone in order to heal, I'm willing to step aside."

"He'll need you by his side," Jasper said quietly. "He doesn't realize how dependent of you he has become."

Bella squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a few hot tears rolling down her cheeks. "Is it possible for him to get better?"

"Such trauma will leave a mark forever on his heart, but I'm willing to say that if he cooperates and actually listens to me, I can help him come to peace with what happened that night."

Bella brushed at her tears. "Did Edward tell you…"

"Yes." Jasper grave voice was enough for Bella to understand they were thinking about the same thing – the other innocent life who had perished in the accident. "It's a long shot, but I want to make Edward see the unborn as a baby – a real person, who never had a chance."

Bella sniffed, wrapping her arms around her chest, rocking. "Did Edward tell you that I used to know Angela?"

Jasper parked in front of the cemetery, turning to face her, shocked. "No. It didn't come up."

"She used to be my only friend in high school. I think we talked about this." She frowned, trying to remember what she'd told Jasper back then.

"Shit."

"I'm fine," she dismissed his worry. "Let's find Edward."

Bella walked by Jasper's side through the alleys in the cemetery. When Jasper slowed down, she looked around, figuring out they'd reached the spot where Angela was buried.

Jasper lifted a hand. "Wait here," he demanded.

As much as Bella would have rather run over to Edward's slumped body over the marble stone, her feet were frozen, rooted in the dirt road. She watched as Jasper approached Edward, who didn't even flinch.

"Edward," Jasper called out loudly.

Edward's head lifted a fraction, before falling back.

"Edward," Jasper repeated, this time in a voice that sent chills down Bella's spine.

She could have turned around and waited in the car. It would have been the smartest decision of her life, but she was morbidly curious to see how Jasper's approach would get a reaction from Edward.

"What do you want from me?" Edward's gruff voice was quiet, but it rang loudly in the silent graveyard.

Jasper bent to pick an empty bottle, pointing it at Edward. "By whose standards did you judge your drinking problem when you told me you weren't back to your old ways?" His voice was still cold, firm.

"It's different," Edward grunted, struggling to move into a sitting position. He swayed from side to side.

"You're right. It's different – it's worse now!" Jasper snapped. "Do you think this is what Angela would—"

"DON'T!" Edward sprung up, but stumbled over his feet when he lunged at his friend. He fell to his knees, his hands pressed against his face.

Jasper caught Bella's eye for a second, before focusing back on Edward. He touched Edward's hair, combing his fingers through it.

Bella stared transfixed.

"From this moment forward, if you taste alcohol again, you'd wish you never wanted to know what pain is."

"I know pain." Edward's voice broke Bella's heart into a thousand pieces.

"Not the kind of pain I'm going to inflict on your ass."

Bella shuddered at Jasper's implication. Before she could wrap her mind around the fact that Jasper was doing to Edward what Edward had wanted to do to him not that long ago, there was a shift in Edward's behavior. His hands dropped to his knees, his back straightened, his head remained bowed down.

 _Holy cow!_ She stared with wide eyes. She had never seen anyone submitting before, but it was obvious what was going on.

"You once promised me to help if I ever need it. Pull me under, Jasper," Edward spoke in a soft, steady voice. "Please."

Jasper stood frozen, staring down at Edward. His head turned to Bella, nodding to the path leading her back to the car.

Bella turned around, running to the gates. She thought she heard Edward calling her name, but Jasper's commanding voice echoed in her ears.

"I've got you, Edward."

Bella reached Jasper's truck, falling against it, as an ugly sob escaped her.

Could this be the right way to help Edward?

What if Jasper was going to break him beyond healing?

What if Edward could never handle a normal relationship?

Bella was trying to learn how to please him the way he wanted, he needed…but it was foreign to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep forgetting to thank Gabby for helping me improve my writing and remembering to describe the scenes better.
> 
> Also, thank you to all of you who read and review each chapter. I truly appreciate it.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little insight on what Edward had done since he'd left Jasper's office. There might be triggers, so proceed with caution.

After leaving Bella in front of Eclipse, Edward walked toward the beach. He didn't plan on stopping, because if he did, he'd return to her. He kept justifying his decision in keeping Bella away, but the best reasoning was that he didn't want to turn against her.

Edward knew exactly what therapy would do to him. He could already envision himself having raging fits and nights of wallowing in self-misery. Bella shouldn't be witness to that, or be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He wouldn't be able to control himself.

" _Monster…because you'll become a monster in my eyes if you ever hurt me so deeply_ ," Angela's voice echoed loudly in his ears.

Thinking of Angela, gave Edward a nudge to visit her grave again.

He stopped by a liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey, before walking to the cemetery.

Edward sat on the marble stone of Angela's grave, trying to remember which member of his family had dealt with all the details of the burial. Edward had made it as far as the cemetery's gate back then. After puking his guts out against his car's rear, he had Felix take him back home.

That night, Edward had emptied half of the contents from a whiskey bottle.

Now, as he lay against the cold stone, he realized what an idiot he had been.

Drinking was never the answer. He should have learned his lesson in college, when he'd begged Siobhan to hit him harder for the easy way he had it in life. Siobhan should have never accepted playing his dangerous game, but she was a sadist. She had loved seeing him in pain, no matter the reason he wanted that pain.

The months after Angela's death had led him back to his old habit, but this time Edward was already hurting. He didn't need any external factor to induce pain on his body. The alcohol had given the illusion to soothe the ache.

Uncapping the bottle, Edward took a pull.

He thought about opening up to Jasper, having Jasper make him question himself in regards to that night…

Was it really the truck driver's fault? If that was true, why didn't Edward feel furious and ready to track him down and have him locked up?

Had Edward believed for too long that he was the one guilty?

 _Survivor's guilt_ , Jasper had called it. Of course, Edward hated himself for walking away from the wreckage with some scratches and no lasting damage.

Edward closed his eyes, drinking for several minutes. When he opened his eyes, the blurry headstone reminded him that the other life deserved more than this. He had to make the right calls and add an inscription for the fetus.

Edward refused to think of it any other way. The thing had been too underdeveloped to be called a baby, or have a specific sex allotted.

He could remember the shock and happiness of finding out Angela was pregnant. They had planned to invite the family over at the beginning of March, after the ultrasound that told them what they were expecting.

"Fuck." He curled against the marble top, hugging his jacket closer to his body.

July nights were not supposed to be chilly, especially in Southern California.

Edward refused to believe he could feel a presence near him.

During the night, he emptied the bottle of whiskey, mulling over his future. He was going to keep seeing Jasper, because he wanted to get better.

And the first thing he did when he'd feel better, was to contact Bella. She had no obligation to him, but part of Edward hoped she'd wait for him. He'd learn how to be a better boyfriend, and find balance between the dominant and the boyfriend inside him.

"Edward!" His name being called sounded foreign to his ears.

It was morning.

His head was pounding, due to the alcohol he'd ingested the previous night. He was still lying across Angela's grave.

"Edward." Jasper's voice resounded with authority.

"What do you want from me?" Edward grunted, not ready to move an inch.

"By whose standards did you judge your drinking problem when you told me you weren't back to your old ways?"

Perfect. Jasper was trying to play _that_ card. Edward fought against the frightening desire inside him, ready to obey to Jasper's words.

"It's different." Edward chose to answer. It was different, he'd realized it the previous night.

"You're right. It's different – it's worse now!" Jasper snapped. "Do you think this is what Angela would—"

He saw red. "DON'T!" Edward made to lunge at Jasper, but equilibrium wasn't his friend that morning. He stumbled, falling on his knees in front of his friend. The irony wasn't lost on him.

"From this moment forward, if you taste alcohol again, you'd wish you never wanted to know what pain is."

Edward nearly snorted in his palms covering his face. "I know pain." Whip lashes biting against his skin. Heartbreak. The agony of losing two innocent lives due to his controlling nature.

"Not the kind of pain I'm going to inflict on your ass."

A shiver went down Edward's spine. The pull to accept one of Jasper's early offers came to the forefront of his mind.

Edward needed a break from his head and all the guilt consuming him. Jasper would know exactly what to do.

If there had been anyone else before him, Edward would have never considering shattering all the walls.

His hands shook as he placed them on his knees, taking the most submissive stance known to humankind.

"You once promised me to help if I ever need it. Pull me under, Jasper. Please." Edward dared calling his friend on his name, because it was something they had agreed to do the other times they had dabbled with a scene.

Jasper's hand stroking his hair, had Edward relaxing. But as fast as he was ready to fall into subspace, a place he hadn't been since college, he heard the sound of feet running. He wouldn't have broken the stance, if he hadn't recognized the sob erupting from the running figure.

"Bella!" He stared in horror after her retreating figure. Edward turned his eyes to Jasper's, reeling back at the stormy blue he met. Jasper looked conflicted, yet still in character.

"Shhh." Jasper combed his fingers through Edward's hair. "I've got you, Edward."

Edward wanted to run after Bella, but his body was cemented at Jasper's feet. Mind over matter. He had to heal.

"Do you want to talk to me?" Jasper asked, quietly.

Edward kept his eyes on Jasper's, knowing that even Jasper was playing it by ear. He'd do anything to make Edward feel comfortable.

"My safe word is _monster_ ," Edward said, ignoring Jasper's rueful smile. He could still remember asking his friend for advice, when Angela had come up with that word. Edward had been sure he'd fucked up before they had done anything.

Jasper nodded. "Should I repeat my question?"

"Pull me under, please."

Jasper pursed his lips, his eyes narrowing. "Not without hearing a sound reason."

"I can't deal with this. I need…help." Edward gulped, taking a shaky breath. "And not the kind of help you can offer me at the clinic."

"Do you really think that's the answer?"

"Yes."

"What do you expect me to do with you when you're under?"

"Make me forget." Edward licked his lips. "The paddle is probably still my favorite." He was transferring Jasper all his control.

"No," Jasper said loudly.

The finality in his voice, made Edward jerk back as if he'd been slapped.

"I'm sorry, Edward. But this is the wrong path." Jasper sat in front of him. "Sit. Tell me what's on your mind."

Edward held his position, clenching his fingers around his knees. He'd thought this was the only way to sort out his life in that moment. It was the only way he knew.

The last time he had felt lost, surrounded by fake people who only wanted to be his friends because his last name was Cullen, he'd had Siobhan.

"I need this, Jasper," he rasped out.

One of Jasper's warm hands covered Edward's on his knee. "Why do you think you need to be punished?"

Edward swallowed hard. His mouth was suddenly dry at the ghost of the feeling he'd use to have when he had let go in Mistress Siobhan's room. "Freedom from my demons."

"That's where my psychology degree comes to play, man. Not my authority as a Dom."

"Help me," Edward begged. "I was too proud to accept your help when you offered it in the beginning. Now, I'm going to lose the reason to keep living if I don't deal with what happened that night."

"Bella's not going anywhere. That girl cares for you more than you think. Did you know that she was so determined to make you see that you need her in order to heal, that she went to your house this morning? Then she came to me, asking if you'd spent the night with us, before she threatened me for hurting you with my methods for healing you."

"She did?" Edward felt as if a hole had been punched in his stomach. He couldn't breathe. He held his position, taking ragged breaths.

Jasper nodded solemnly.

"I think I'm falling for her," Edward admitted in a small voice.

"Don't fight these feelings, Ed. You deserve happiness."

"I'm so fucked up…" Edward dropped his head, glaring at the dried earth.

"She's pretty fucked up, too, in case you haven't noticed. But the difference is, Bella has found a reason to keep going."

"She's my reason to keep going."

"Then, fucking man up and face your problems. It's not too late to sort out your life, Edward." Jasper cupped his shoulder. "And this isn't the answer."

"It worked for me before," Edward argued. Though, at the same time, he remembered how it all had backfired at him when Siobhan had put too much pressure on him.

"Dealing with your problems in subspace is the worst way to handle it. Only natural submissives can do this – you're not one of them. And if you want to bring up how I helped Alice in the beginning, I want you to know that I took a chance. It had been the only way I could think of that would help her."

Edward clenched his fists. "I was getting better," he spat. "I could think of Angela without pain ripping through my chest. I could say her name without the desire to stab myself. I could even get in a car, I fucking started driving again…"

Jasper's hand clenched on his friend's shoulder. "Then you were faced with a part of your past that you didn't even try dealing with – the baby."

Edward looked toward the grave, feeling a surge of anger consuming him. A sound close to a sob left his throat, full of despair and anguish. "I ignored its existence. It was as if the fetus never existed, while I tried to cope with Angela's death."

"I want you to stop this right now," Jasper authoritative tone made Edward turn to face his friend. "Think of that poor soul as a baby."

Edward shook his head. "It will make it real."

"Edward, he was real. You couldn't see the baby, which gives you the illusion that it didn't exist…but he was very much real."

Edward slumped forward, and Jasper caught him, rubbing his back soothingly as Edward finally allowed himself to grieve the other life that had perished that fateful night. Jasper kept whispering encouraging words, reminding Edward it was all right not to be all right and that such traumas left deep wounds, but time would heal them.

Time passed slowly as Edward got a grip of himself.

"Let's take you home," Jasper said quietly. He supported most of Edward's weight, as they walked away from the grave.

"Will the numb feeling ever go away?" Edward asked, warily.

"Eventually. When the memories threaten to drown you, you have to think of your happy place."

Edward's happy place was right in front of him as they stepped out of the cemetery. Bella was curled into a ball against the rear wheel of Jasper's Toyota.

She scrambled to her feet when she noticed them, then rushed toward them. She stopped abruptly a foot in front of Edward, rocking on her feet, her hands twitching at her sides, and her eyes wild with worry.

"Come here," he said in a rough voice. She was too much. Even though she wanted nothing more than to comfort him, she respected his boundaries. It said a lot about her character.

Bella threw herself into his arms, and Edward squeezed her tightly. He felt like he could breathe easier again. The weight he'd felt pressing on his shoulders when he'd foolishly thought subspace would save him, lifted the moment he was in Bella's arms.

Edward met Jasper's eyes over Bella's head. He finally understood the look in his friend's eyes. Jasper had known all along how important Bella was for him, but Edward had been blind to see it himself. Jasper had been waiting for Edward to see it for himself.

"I hate to rush this, but some of us have to be at work," Jasper drawled.

"Fuck. What time is it?" Edward pulled away from Bella, unwillingly. He patted his pocket for his phone.

"It's close to eleven," Jasper answered. "I suggest you take the day off."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I've already missed more work days than I care to admit."

"And the company hasn't gone to shit. Let Ben deal with it. Want me to call Ben and tell him that you're not okay to go to work today?" Jasper challenged.

"What about Ben? I've been thinking only about how I feel…what about him?" Edward glared at his friend. "Maybe he needs some time off, too. I'm going to work."

Bella rubbed his bicep, watching him with concern in her brown eyes. "I'll drive you," she offered. "But my car…"

Jasper groaned. "Get in the truck. I'll drop you by at my house."

Bella climbed in the back, and Edward turned to Jasper, who hadn't moved from where he was standing.

"Thank you, Jasper." He hugged his friendly. "I have no idea what I'll do without you."

"I'm always here if you need me," Jasper promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up for them. =)


	29. Chapter 29

When Bella saw Jasper and Edward leaving the cemetery, what felt like a lifetime later, she was happy to see them both all right. Edward's face was drawn, but he welcomed her hug. As Bella squeezed him around his shoulders and waist as tightly as she could, it hit her how much she loved him, how she'd do anything for this man. If she could take his pain away, she'd do it, gladly.

Jasper drove them back to his house, where Edward went to the passenger seat of Bella's car, before Alice could reach him. To Bella, it looked like Alice hadn't moved from the driveway since they'd left earlier.

Bella spared only a few minutes, telling Alice she'd call her later, and that she'd take care of Edward. She wasn't ready for Alice's grilling on what happened, especially when Edward was clearly not okay.

His shoulders were slumped in defeat as Bella got behind the wheel.

Edward called Ben to let him know that he wouldn't be in the office that day. That decision was a surprise, considering not long ago, he'd insisted to go to work. He probably understood that he wouldn't be able to focus on anything if he followed through with his initial plan.

Bella drove to Edward's house, where thankfully, Tanya and Felix didn't ambush them. Edward had enough energy to strip to his underwear and get in bed.

Bella hovered by his side, about to head into the kitchen and make him some tea.

"Stay," he said roughly.

"I'm not going anywhere," Bella promised, tucking the blanket around his shoulders. "Sleep." She stroked away a piece of hair that had fallen over his eyes.

Edward curled on his side, wrapping an arm around Bella's waist. "I don't deserve you."

"Shut up. Try to sleep," she insisted.

As Bella held him close, she wondered what Jasper had told Edward, what had they done in the cemetery. A part of her didn't want to know, yet she wanted to know, at least, if it was possible for Edward to ever heal. It wasn't like she planned on leaving him. She was there to stay – no matter what.

No one deserved such pain, especially not Edward. He'd already been through shit in college, which Bella had yet to find out more about what had happened to him during that time. But for him to deal with the pain of surviving the horrible accident in February, which had killed his girlfriend and their unborn child, was too much.

Bella thought back on her darkest days, when she'd sat on the top of her bed, staring off into space for hours, days. Time had been irrelevant. If it hadn't been for Jacob patiently guiding her through that time, Bella would have probably been long gone. The depression would have swallowed her whole.

It had been the small things that had helped – Jacob making her smile at his silly jokes, Jacob telling her alcohol wasn't the answer, though, he'd turned a blind eye at the cigarettes, then Garrett had helped her with his support in keeping Eclipse alive. Garrett had created a bank account for her, wiring half of the profit in there, but he'd refused to give her access to it until he was sure she wouldn't use it to do anything stupid with the money.

That's the kind of support Edward needed, and Bella hoped that she'd be enough. Along with Jasper's help, Bella had faith that Edward would heal.

In the late afternoon, Bella pulled away from Edward. She wouldn't have moved, but her stomach demanded food, reminding her, she hadn't eaten since the previous evening when Paul had forced her to eat a sandwich.

Bella found Tanya in the kitchen, and silently wondered if the woman ever went to her room to relax during the day.

"How is he?" Tanya asked as soon as she saw Bella.

Bella chewed on her lip. _He's okay? He'll be okay?_ Those were lies.

Tanya seemed to understand her silence. She placed a cup of tea in front of Bella, even though she hadn't asked for it, but she was grateful for it.

"Can I… Is there anything to eat?" Bella felt beyond embarrassed having to ask that, especially when she was used to fend for herself.

"Of course. I just finished the mac and cheese casserole earlier. If there's anything else you'd rather have…"

"Mac and cheese is okay," Bella mumbled, taking a seat on a high stool.

After Tanya placed the plate in front of Bella, she leaned on the other side of the island counter. "When I saw him earlier…it reminded me of the bad days."

Bella nearly choked on her bite. She pushed away the image of Edward from the early days after the accident. She was sure her brain hadn't done justice to the reality, which had been a thousand times worse.

"He had a rough time," Bella said, staring at her plate. "He's not gonna be okay for a while. Jasper's going to help him," she explained. Tanya deserved to know, because it was clear how much she cared for her boss.

Tanya's eyes widened. "Has Mr. Cullen accepted Dr. Whitlock's help? Oh, that's great news!"

Bella sketched a smile. "Like I said, he'll be worse before he gets better."

"I bet. He's not alone in this." She held Bella's eyes, almost challenging.

"Of course, he's not. I'm not going anywhere." Bella chewed on a few bites, sorting through her thoughts. "I know you care for him, but I do, too. Do you understand that I'm not going anywhere?"

Tanya snorted, a smile playing on her lips. "I can see that. Just let me know when you decide to start an argument with Mr. Cullen. I'd rather not be around. I can already tell you're going to put his patience to test."

"His patience?" Bella laughed. "Does he possess such a thing?"

Tanya laughed along. Soon, her expression turned to one of horror as a toe-curling scream echoed in the quiet house.

Bella froze for only a second, then threw her fork down. It fell with a loud clang against her plate. She slid off the stool on shaky feet. "I've got it," she told Tanya. Then she sprinted to Edward's bedroom.

Felix was already there, his hand on the knob.

"Let me," Bella choked out, pushing the door open.

Her heart squeezed at the sight of Edward thrashing around, his fists gripping the sheets, raw sounds escaping his closed lips.

Bella dove for the bed, wrapping her arms around him. Too late, she realized her mistake when he froze and started writhing harder.

"Shhh." She stroked his arm, hugging him tightly, rocking them. "It's me." She felt his muscles relaxing gradually, and soon, he ceased all movement and stopped whimpering. Then, his arms wrapped around her, clutching at her. "I've got you. I'm here," she repeated, kissing his forehead.

When she pulled away enough to look at him, Edward's eyes were open. He was staring at her in awe. Bella frowned, not daring to look away or say anything, afraid to break the spell.

"I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to make me feel better," he admitted in a rough voice.

Bella bit on her lip, at a loss for words.

Edward closed the small distance between their lips. "You've bewitched me, Isabella."

A smile spread on her lips. "Likewise, Edward. I think you had me under your spell since I first met you."

He chuckled softly. "So drunks make you all hot and bothered?"

Bella stroked her fingers over his cheek. "Only the misunderstood ones."

Edward pressed his forehead against hers. "I've no idea how you are still here. I'm clearly not what you expected to find in a man."

"I didn't even expect to find someone to understand me, or someone insane enough to start a relationship with me," Bella mumbled. "So, please, stop saying you're not man enough. I understand you, I've been through this. It gets better."

Edward huffed, burrowing his face into her shoulder. "I'm not used to be so…out of control. You must have noticed how I love control," he snorted. "Not having control over my own body, my emotions…it's draining."

"Jasper will help you. You're going to see him again, right?" Bella's heart squeezed, as she waited for his answer.

"Yeah, I guess I will."

"Good." She dropped a kiss on the top of his head, hugging him tightly. "I'm also here if you need to talk."

.

.

.

"Go," Edward said, keeping his hands on Bella's shoulders.

If it weren't for Harley, she wouldn't have left his side, but her dog was probably wondering why she'd been absent from his life so much lately.

"And if you need—"

Edward pressed a finger over her lips. "I have your phone number."

Bella wrapped her fingers around his wrist, pushing his hand away from her face. "Promise me, you'll actually call me if you—"

"For the love of all things holy! Do I have to drive you home myself? I'll be fine."

"But I'm worried, Edward," she protested.

"I'm a big boy. I can handle this."

She pursed her lips, refraining from reminding him that he couldn't handle it. He wouldn't have crumbled down so violently over Alice's happy news, if he were in a better place.

"See you…tomorrow?" She lifted a brow.

"I'll drop by after work."

"I'll be at the bar then, but I could give you the spare key?"

Edward smiled crookedly. "I'll come by Eclipse after work to get your key. I'm even going to walk Harley so he's tired when you get home."

"You don't have to."

"I want to. He's a great dog." Edward squeezed her shoulder with the hand still resting there. "I wasn't joking when I said that I don't mind you both coming over."

Bella decided to let it slide that the thought of Harley running around Edward's house gave her nightmares. He was likely to break something with his excitement.

"Be careful." She slowly wrapped her arms around Edward's neck, pulling his head down. His lips met hers for what she expected to be a chaste kiss, but it turned into a full make-out session against the front door.

She didn't mind, though.

Edward pulled away with a small groan. "Go, before I drag you back to bed."

She bit on her lip, but against her deepest desire, she chose to open the door. "Bye," she breathed out.

Edward leaned against the doorjamb, folding his arms across his chest. He looked like a model for underwear. And he was all hers – perfectly flawed, as he was.

On the drive home, her phone rang, but as a general rule she didn't answer it while driving. She hadn't even encountered a red light for her to be able to check who was calling. By the time, she arrived at her apartment building, she'd forgotten about her phone.

It came as a surprise to find Jacob camped in front of her door, talking with Harley through it. Harley was whimpering and clawing madly from his side.

"Jesus. How long have you been here?" Bella groaned, fishing out her key. "Stay back. I swear to God, Harley…" She ushered him further into the studio when they stepped inside.

Harley barreled at Jake, not sparing her a second look.

"Where have you been?" Jacob demanded, crouching to pet Harley.

"It's a long story. Did you call me earlier?"

"Yeah. Like, throughout the day…" Jake frowned, staring curiously at her.

Bella had forgotten her phone in her car, which explained why Jacob hadn't been able to get a hold of her. "Shit. Sorry, Jake."

"Are you okay? Are you mad at me, or something?"

"No, really. I had a long day. I left my phone in my car," she explained. She retrieved the leash, fastening it on Harley's collar.

"Let me take him for a walk. You look about to fall over. Are you working tonight?"

"I might go for a few hours, but I'm not sure."

"You should call Gary and tell him you're not going. I'm bringing pizza. We're going to watch a movie and relax. Like the good old days," he said, winking.

"Fine. You win, just because I know I'll spill all the drinks tonight." Bella cringed, knowing how her clumsiness hit a new high whenever she was tired.

"Think you can manage on your own while we're out?" Jake teased.

"Byyeeee," she sang, opening the door for them.

After a shower, and a short phone call to Garrett, Bella prepared a movie on her laptop, placing it on the small end table by the sofa. She snuggled under the blanket, staring at the dark screen of her phone.

Just as she was working on her courage to call Edward with some silly excuse to check on him, his name appeared on the screen.

"Hey," she answered promptly.

"Were you going to call me?"

"You sound creepily like Alice," Bella joked.

"Is it a slow night? Should I come over and keep your business running?" he teased.

Bella turned red, remembering her cringy flirting with Edward. "Actually, I'm not at work."

"No?" He sounded intrigued.

"Yeah. When I got home, Jake was waiting for me. He stole Harley for a stroll and bribed me with pizza, demanding for me to call Garrett that I wasn't going to work tonight. Apparently, I look like shit."

Edward huffed, not saying anything. It made Bella wonder if Edward was upset that she was going to spend the evening with Jake.

"So, it's possible. You actually can take orders," he said slowly.

"Oh, my God!" She banged the back of her head against the wall behind her. "Are you kidding me?"

"Just curious," he joked.

"You know full well that I can take orders." Her voice dropped to a whisper when the front door opened. Harley rushed into the studio, taking two laps of the small place, stopping by Bella, to sniff at her feet, before sneezing and running to the kitchen area to drink water and eat his dinner. "You crazy mutt," she muttered.

Edward laughed in her ear. "For a wild second, I thought you were insulting me."

"Right. As if I'm so creative with the insults." She got up, deciding to help Jake with pizza. If he left it unsupervised, it might become Harley's second dinner. "I have to go, save the pizza."

"Have a nice evening."

"Thanks. You, too."

"Sure." He hung up, and it left a cold feeling running through her body.

Bella reminded herself again that healing took time, and Edward wasn't going to be better overnight.

Several minutes later, Bella and Jake were on the folded-out sofa, each with a plate of cheese pizza. Harley was on his blanket, staring at them and drooling. He had managed to steal one slice of pizza, before Jake had worked his Alpha male skills on him. Bella hated how she still couldn't control her dog that way, but she'd die trying. One day, Harley was going to listen to her, just like he listened to any man ordering him around.

Jake talked about his garage for the first part of the movie, which Bella appreciated. She knew that he wasn't going to push her for answers, if she wasn't ready to tell him.

She handed him the last slice on her plate, unable to eat more. He accepted it eagerly. There was never a time when Jake said no to food.

She leaned her head against his shoulder, watching the movie, but not really following the action. Her mind was on the fact that she wanted to share with her friend the news about getting a boyfriend, but her relationship was complicated. And Jacob didn't like Edward at all, after the visit at the garage.

Jake leaned over her to pause the movie. "What's up? You're in your head."

"I'm sorry. I'm not being fun tonight."

"Nonsense, Bells. If you want to talk about it, I'm here." And he meant it, that's how it should be.

She pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. "The guy I brought by the garage? I'm seeing him," she said, staring at the blurred paused image on the laptop.

"I figured there was more to it. But Bella, that was reckless…to get on a bike with a total stranger."

Bella frowned, not turning to face her friend. "Edward wasn't a stranger. Look, I don't expect you to understand. I just wanted to tell someone."

Jake sighed loudly, rubbing her back in a comforting way. "Does he make you happy?"

"Yeah." She turned to show him a small smile.

"Did you guys have a fight? You don't look that happy."

"It's complicated." There was no way, she was going to tell Jacob about Edward's problems. "He's got his own baggage, like I have mine."

"Of course, you had to find some bad boy to fall for." Jacob rolled his eyes. "You always liked to complicate your life."

"Well, easy is lame." She poked her tongue out at him. "Let's finish this movie before I fall asleep."

Jake pulled her against his warm chest after she hit play on the movie. Bella ended up falling asleep in the next few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had an eventful chapter. Which heart-to-heart did you like most?
> 
> See you all next week. Have a great weekend! =)


	30. Chapter 30

A knock on Edward's office door pulled him from his thoughts. He shook his head, trying to return to the present moment.

His sessions with Jasper in the past couple of months had messed with his head. He could tell that he was coming to peace with the accident and the lives that had perished that night, but Jasper insisted on Edward pondering on the things that made him grateful for living at the moment. It usually led to zoning out and thinking of his past, sometimes, comparing the new joys with the old joys. There was definitely a new him.

"Yes?" he called loudly, spinning his chair around to face the door.

Ben strolled inside with the newspaper of the day in hand.

Edward had already read it, and he'd hoped Ben would be the one to represent the company at the event held in Los Angeles in November.

"Have you seen this?" Ben threw the paper on Edward's desk. His eyes sparkled with excitement. "It's the third year in a row when we get nominated for the award of the Best Investment Company of the Year."

"I've already read the paper," Edward answer.

"Should we have Jane book us two rooms? It's on the third weekend of the month."

"I think I'll skip this year. We don't exactly have to be there, Ben."

"I want to go," Ben said seriously. "We both worked hard to achieve this."

"Very well, then you go."

"I can't persuade into you accompanying me?" Ben leaned forward, lifting a brow.

"I'm afraid not." Edward cringed. "Though, I might need a break when Alice finally decides on a date for the wedding."

Ben chuckled. "I thought it was set for this month."

"Half of the guest list is not able to attend a September wedding." Edward rolled his eyes. "She pushed it to the end of October, but knowing Alice, it might turn into a white wedding."

"You know that doesn't mean what you're hinting at?"

"Whatever. I'm just dreading her getting married in the winter. She'll want fake snow, or she'll probably move the venue to the mountains." Edward shuddered. He'd spent hours with Jasper, discussing ways how to placate Alice's crazy wishes. "At one point, she wanted flamingos," Edward said casually.

"No way!"

"So, pray for my sanity. Try me again at the end of October, I might change my mind about coming to LA."

"I'll reply to their invitation that one of us will be there for sure, but they shouldn't exclude the additional seat at the table."

Edward nodded. "You could always bring a plus one, so that seat wouldn't be empty."

Ben frowned. "What about you?"

"I'm not coming, remember?"

"Okay, okay." Ben leaned back in his chair.

Ben kept his eyes on his friend, and Edward braced himself for the inquisition. Edward had learned in the past couple of months to accept that his friends and family would randomly ask how he was doing, checking on him, and they didn't always mean it as an inquiry about his health. It was just another question, people that cared for him were designed to ask every now and then.

Edward held Ben's gaze, waiting for his questions.

"How are you?"

Edward had discovered that it was in the tone of the other person's voice. Ben wasn't merely checking on him, he was genuinely curios.

Edward had stopped answering with 'I'm fine', 'I'm well', 'I've been better', and any other sarcastic or untrue phrase under the sky. Jasper had taught him everyone expected that answer, and they rarely pressed, which it made Edward's usual answers safe. Jasper had dared him to answer truthfully.

"Besides being in the middle of a mental breakdown over a wedding that's not even mine?" he laughed uneasily. Ben chuckled along, but kept his wary eyes on Edward. "I think we should branch out to invest into the nightlife of Santa Barbara."

Ben had the desired reaction. His eyes widened, and his eyebrows met in the middle of his forehead. "That's completely random. What nightlife does our town have?"

"Some local bars deserve to be known better."

Ben narrowed his eyes. "Is this about Bella?"

"Maybe? Though, she doesn't know my intention," Edward admitted. He'd only been thinking about associating his company's name with Eclipse for a few short weeks.

Ben was the only other person to hear about his idea, after he'd confessed his desire one morning to Felix, on their way to the office. Felix had suggested a protection suit, because Bella was likely to break a bottle of vodka in his head. It didn't sound too far-fetched from what Edward expected her reaction to be.

"It would be more prudent to stick to the area we know, which is construction. There's a new hotel chain ready to enter the local market."

"Do you have details?" Edward asked, ignoring the fact that Ben had dismissed his idea to branch out their area.

"I could contact the manager and get details," Ben offered.

Edward nodded. His phone buzzed with an incoming text message.

_**I'm staying longer tonight. Could you take Harley for a walk? Pretty please?** _

Edward chuckled, typing back a reply. **Sure. I'll even wait for you** _._

Bella had changed her work schedule, which meant she was usually home by seven or eight o'clock in the evening. She spent most nights at Edward's, but he didn't mind a sleepover at her place.

Edward had stayed true to his promise to Jasper, and he hadn't adventured to playtime with Bella. Though, he used their quiet evenings to teach her everything she had to know about the lifestyle. That way, the next time they did a scene, Bella would be ready and she'd know what to do. She was a quick learner, and Edward could tell she wanted to experience what he was telling her, but Jasper hadn't deemed him ready to adventure that way, yet.

"How's it going with Jasper?" Ben's question pulled Edward from his thoughts. He hadn't expected Ben to ask something like that. Edward had figured therapy was a taboo subject for most people.

"It helps," Edward answered truthfully. "I'm in a better place than when I decided to see him."

Ben nodded, clearing his throat. "I've been thinking of finding a therapist myself."

Edward smiled wryly. His original guilt resurfaced, as he acknowledged that he was the reason Ben was suffering. "I'm sorry."

Jasper had told him repeatedly that as meaningless as he considering the words 'I'm sorry', other people appreciated it. In such situations, it was everything some people needed to hear, even.

"Eric encouraged me to find someone, because it's not healthy the way I've been dealing with this," Ben added in a small voice. "While you locked yourself away, I invested my whole attention into work."

"In my opinion, you handled it better," Edward muttered. He was uncomfortable discussing Angela with her brother.

"Edward, I didn't…I haven't been able to…" Ben took a shuddering breath. "I didn't cry. Not once."

Edward was ready to say that he'd cried for both of them, but he knew it was the wrong thing to say. He couldn't even begin to imagine how Ben must feel, all that grief bottled up inside, unable to let out the anguish over losing his sister.

"Do you want to talk to Jasper?" Edward offered.

Ben shook his head. "Eric found me someone, actually. You could ask Jasper if he's heard of Maria Valez."

"I think she's been his mentor for a while, if I don't mistaken the name. I'll ask, though."

"Thanks, man." Ben stood up, not looking as confident as when he'd stepped into the office.

"Hey," Edward said, when Ben turned to walk to the door. "I'm here if you want to talk. I know how you feel."

Ben nodded slowly, looking over his shoulder at his friend. "I appreciate it. Same goes for you."

Edward sighed loudly when the door shut behind Ben. He decided to call it a day, even though, there were at least two more hours until the end of work day.

Felix met him at the elevator, a curious look on his face.

"To Bella's," Edward told him. "You can leave me there, then go home."

"Tanya wanted to know if you'll be home this weekend," Felix said, as they got in the car. "You know, to cook and…"

"Probably, yeah. I'll let you know."

That upcoming Saturday, Edward had to face family dinner after postponing it for several weekends. Bella had escaped family dinner after Emmett and Rosalie's wedding by working at the pub. Edward's mother hadn't been thrilled to find out where his new girlfriend worked, but like Edward had told her, it wasn't her job or her business how Bella earned her money. After that, Edward hadn't even attempted to ask her to accompany him, but now, he was ready to bring her to family dinner.

It was Bella, who had suggested that it was time she met his family properly.

"If we survive dinner at my parents', we'll be home on Saturday night," Edward added, amused.

Felix met his eyes through the rearview mirror, a smile on his face. "That means you won't need my services?"

"We'll take Bella's car."

Felix nodded. "Okay. Then we'll see you tomorrow night."

In front of Bella's apartment building, Edward fished out the keys Bella had given him not that long ago. Harley rubbed his head against Edward's knees, tail swishing left and right. The dog had learned that greeting him that way earned him a treat, unlike his usual greeting with jumping on Edward.

After fastening the leash to his collar, Edward made sure he had some poop bags and some treats in his pocket, before they ambled for the evening walk. Harley always obeyed him when he was in control of the leash. The times he and Bella had walked the dog, and Bella had been the one holding the leash, Harley kept pulling and plainly ignoring her commands. Edward began to understand what Bella had told him from the beginning, Harley was the Alpha, and he refused to listen to her. Edward planned on changing that.

It was late evening when they returned to Bella's studio.

Edward remembered locking the door twice, so when the door opened as he twisted the key in the lock, it made him enter the studio cautiously. He kept Harley at his heel, looking around, worried.

It could have been Bella back on time, despite her text message from earlier, but something told Edward, it wasn't Bella in her place.

Harley tensed at his side, turning his head toward the kitchen.

Edward closed the door softly, walking carefully toward the kitchen. In one of the mismatched chairs sat a man, Edward had never seen before, but judging by his features, similar to Bella's, he was her brother.

James stood up, staring at Edward's appearance, startled. "You must be the boyfriend," he said in greeting, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Edward rolled his eyes, unfastening Harley's leash. He pointed him to his food and water, before folding his arms across his chest, glaring at the man in front of him.

Edward had imagined many times a confrontation with Bella's brother, ready to give him a piece of his mind about the way he'd treated her. Judging by the man's appearance, he wasn't as happy as Bella had pictured him.

James had the same brown eyes as Bella, but they seemed devoid of life, his shoulder-length hair was several shades lighter than Bella's and caught in a ponytail at the back of his head, his cheekbones were sunken in and his skin had an unhealthy white pallor.

Edward chose to match the man's sarcasm. "You must be the wandering brother."

Awareness crossed the man's face. "I see Izzy told you about me."

It took Edward a moment to figure out who Izzy was. He'd never thought of that nickname for Bella. "How did you get in here?"

"Maybe I should be the one asking that?" James raised a brow. "I do own this place. Of course, I have a spare key."

Edward clenched his jaw. "I'm the boyfriend. Of course, I have a spare key," he retorted.

If James didn't explain his presence back in Bella's life after so many years, Edward was ready to throw him out.

Harley, done with his dinner, finally went to sniff at the guest. Edward was surprised he hadn't greeted James as soon as he'd been off leash. Hunger had probably won the battle, though.

James petted Harley's head, keeping his eyes on Edward. "I don't know what Izzy told you about me, but let's start over. I'm James Swan. You're Edward Cullen."

Edward swallowed his snide retort, surprised James knew him. Of course, James was older than Bella, he was closer to Edward in age, of course, he'd know him. In all honesty, everyone on the South-West Coast knew him.

"Bella has told me enough to know that you have no right to waltz back into her life like this," Edward answered.


	31. Chapter 31

It was after nine o'clock in the evening when Bella stepped into her studio. For one, wild moment, she was sure she was seeing her worst nightmare unfold in front of her. Then, she understood it was the reality.

James was indeed sitting on the couch with Edward a foot away from him. Harley was curled at Edward's feet, chewing on one of his plush toys. His head lifted up when Bella slammed the door shut. Edward kept him in place with his crazy voodoo – he didn't even have to talk for Harley to obey him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bella demanded, marching toward her brother. Her fingers curled inward, trying to remember the correct way to throw a punch without breaking her wrist.

Having many boys as friends had its perks. Funnily enough, it had been Jacob who'd taught her how to throw a punch after she'd fissured her wrist when she'd punched him for kissing her without her permission. But she had been only eighteen back then, trying to figure out how to live her life, and the last thing she had needed was her best friend making a move on her.

James sprang to his feet, smiling. "Izzy, it's so good to see you!"

Bella stopped in front of her brother, glaring up at him. At the moment, the six inches separating them vanished in her anger haze. "You have no right to call me that anymore! Or, be here!" She jabbed a finger into his chest. "You're a piece of shit!"

James's smile turned wryly. "You're allowed to call me every bad name in the book. Would you hear me out, sis?"

"I hate you so much!" Bella cried out, choking up. Then, she threw herself at him, hugging him tightly. "You complete, idiotic, moronic…"

"Shhh." James rubbed her back, holding her close.

"Did she dump your sorry ass? Is that why you're here?" Bella asked into his shoulder.

"We're thinking about moving back here." James pulled away, keeping a hand on Bella's elbow. "You're an aunt, Izzy."

Bella swayed. "Oh, my God. She reproduced?"

"I see you haven't changed your opinion on Vicky."

"I've never liked her, but when she took you away from here… _from me_ …I despise her, James," Bella spat. "If you decide to bring her back here, let me know so I can be as far away from her as possible."

James gasped. "Is that what you think? You think Vic convinced me to move away?"

"Wasn't it her dream to become a Hollywood actress? She offered you a clean break from what happened," Bella muttered, taking a few steps back. She became aware of Edward watching her warily, and she realized that he and James had talked while waiting for her. And judging by the fact that James wasn't beaten to a pulp, he had good intentions.

"Izzy…" James scrubbed a hand over his face. "I left because I couldn't be here. It was my only way to cope with what had happened. I thought I was doing the right thing…"

"I was fucking seventeen years old! I didn't know shit about how the world worked. I had lost my parents and brother in a matter of days. Did you even think about how all that could have affected me?" Bella shouted. "You, dumbass!"

"You may not believe me, but Vic tried to convince me to stay…for you. I thought that by giving you a place to live and a car, you'd be all set. Of course, it took me months to realize how badly I had screwed up."

"Why didn't you come back when you realized it?" Bella demanded, brushing the back of her hand over her teary eyes. She was a royal mess.

"I was a coward." James swallowed hard. "I checked on you by calling Garrett."

"Gary was in contact with you?" she asked, furiously. "I can't believe it!"

"Don't hold it against him. He'd even stopped taking my calls after a while. He randomly sent me text messages telling me you were okay."

Bella snorted. " _I was okay_ ," she repeated in disbelief. Her rage hit the roof. "When was I okay? When I dropped out of high school? When I started working at the bar? When I fucked random guys just to feel alive? When I nearly died in a bike accident? I was not OKAY!" Her voice was raw by the end of her screaming rant.

Edward was by her side in a flash, and she crumbled into his protective embrace. "It would be wise to not say anything else," Edward snapped.

Bella couldn't see James, with her face pressed into Edward's chest, but she knew her brother. Or, she thought she knew him. He had never been one to back down from a fight.

"If you come any closer, I'll break your hands," Edward growled, tightening his hold on Bella. "You can stay here since it's your place, as you so kindly pointed it out earlier. I'm taking Bella home. Harley, come."

A shiver ran down Bella's spine at Edward's most commanding voice. A dark, hidden part of her needed to explore that part of their relationship. Sometimes, she was close to calling Jasper and begging him to allow Edward to have what he needed, because she needed it, too. The relief she'd felt during those few times they had adventured that way, had been everything she needed at the moment.

Bella wanted to forget about her problems. It was definitely the wrong way to address her abandonment issues, but she trusted Edward to make her feel better.

In her car, she sat behind the wheel with her shaky fingers curled around it for a long time.

"Do you want me to drive?" Edward offered, covering one of her hands with his larger, warmer hand.

She shook her head, taking a deep breath. "Call Jasper," she choked out. "You have to call Jasper."

It felt like the air had been punched out of her chest.

Bella had never imagined how a reunion with her brother would go, but it was definitely not this disaster that had happened in her studio.

Edward turned her head, so he could see her eyes. "You want to talk to him about this?"

Bella chewed on her lip. She took another deep breath, swallowing hard. "I need you."

Edward frowned, stopping halfway from scrolling through his phone's agenda. "Do you want to talk to me, or Jasper?" His voice was gentle, as if he was talking to a scared child.

Bella had to make him understand what she wanted, and it scared her. It would be the first time she initiated something like that.

Edward had told her about how she should behave when they played. She tucked her chin in her chest, grateful she wasn't going to see the look in his eyes when he figured out what she wanted.

"I need you, Sir," she said as confidently as possible.

Five heartbeats later, Edward sucked in a breath. Bella didn't hear him releasing the air from his lungs, but she saw his thumbs touching the screen of his phone, then the hand holding the phone was out of view.

"Jasper, how ready am I for a scene?" His voice was firm, hard, yet there was a softness about it. Bella felt her stomach tightening in anticipation. Edward hummed in response to whatever Jasper had told him.

Bella berated herself for jumping out of her skin when Edward touched the back of her neck, rubbing two fingers over the tensed muscles there. "Drive," he commanded. Bella pressed her thighs together, lifting her head to look out the windscreen.

Jasper had given them the green light, and the still wary part of her brain tried to argue with what her body seemed to desire at the moment. It was out of question she'd back out now. She wanted this. She trusted Edward to make her forget about her brother. Also, Bella knew that they'd talk about it when the scene was over. It made her wish reality would never come back. She'd rather be whatever Edward needed her to be, and do everything he wanted her to do, as long as she didn't have to think or make any decision of her own.

When Bella parked in front of the garage at Edward's house, Edward stroked her hair, allowing one of his fingers to curl a strand of hair around it. He tugged at it slowly.

"Wait for me in the bedroom. Do you remember what I expect of you?"

Bella nodded jerkily, breathing heavily.

"Good girl."

They got out of the car. Bella felt her legs shaking, but she reminded herself that this was what she wanted. There was nothing to be scared of, Edward would never hurt her.

"Come, boy." Edward led Harley to the special paddock he'd created at the back of his house. He had had a special team fence the area so Harley could roam freely and enjoy the outside world.

Bella had to take a double look at Harley without his leash, following at Edward's feet. He really had to teach her all his tricks, because having a Husky off leash was the ultimate goal for all Husky owners.

Tanya wasn't in the kitchen, which was a surprise. Bella continued down the hallway, stepping into Edward's bedroom.

She had no idea how long it would take Edward to leave Harley in the backyard, before joining her. So, she hurried to undress, then she knelt at the foot of the bed on the soft cushion. Her nails were longer than she usually kept them, and they dug painfully in her kneecaps, but she was too nervous to let up the grip she had on them.

When she heard footsteps approaching, she panicked, realizing her hair was not caught. She didn't have a scrunchy on her, and she had no idea how to explain it to Edward without upsetting him.

The lock turning in the door alerted her of his presence in the room. She hadn't heard him enter.

The sound of clothes leaving his body made her wetter. The anticipation of what he'd do was palpable in the air.

When his bare feet appeared in her line of view, Bella cleared her throat. "May I speak, Sir?"

"Yes," he said softly. His hand outstretched in front of her, holding a regular red rubber band. "Allow me, or we'll have to chop your hair off if you do it."

 _I'll always anticipate your needs_ , his whispered words from their long nights over the past two months, echoed in her mind. Edward had known she had nothing to catch her hair with.

He worked slowly, carefully, on tying the rubber band around her ponytail. The result was a tighter ponytail than she'd do herself, but it didn't hurt.

"You wanted to ask me something?" A finger under her chin tilted her head up, so their eyes met.

"You were a step ahead, Sir."

A wide smile spread on his face. He rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "Teamwork, Isabella."

She nodded, returning his smile.

"This session is about your pleasure." His thumb stroked over her bottom lip. "Get up."

Bella complied, grateful for his hand on her elbow when her too fast action caused her whiplash. Not letting up his grip on her elbow, Edward walked her to his chest of drawers. He moved to stand behind her, his warm breath washing over her neck, making goosebumps appear on her skin.

"I want you to choose one object that will bring you pleasure tonight. Only one. Choose wisely, Isabella."

"Me?" She stopped herself in time, when she was about to turn and look at him. "What if I choose wrong? Uh, Sir?"

Edward kissed her bare shoulder. "You can't choose wrong. I promise to redirect you in case you somehow pick something that might not be suitable."

Bella pulled open the first drawer. Her hand went to one of the blindfolds, stroking the silky material.

"I trust you to be more creative and daring. Try something new," he encouraged her, trailing his fingertips up over her ribs.

She closed the first drawer a little too harshly, before moving on to the second one. Before she could open it, she decided it was time to face her fear of the whips. Edward had told her multiple times they weren't meant to always bring pain.

Bella bent to open the third drawer, aware she might be overstepping some line by rubbing her butt over his boxer-clad erection. Edward gasped, which encouraged her to push back ever so lightly.

"You're a tease, baby girl."

Liquid lava pooled into her lower belly at his words. Bella did her best to focus on the contents of the drawer she'd opened.

Unlike the previous times when Edward had taken all of his collection out, showing her how each of the whips looked and felt on her palm, she wasn't as terrified. Edward had done that to show her the feeling and experience it on her own skin when Bella had been telling him, she couldn't imagine ever accepting being hit like that.

After a short debate with herself, Bella picked a long riding crop. The leather material around the handle felt foreign in her hand.

"Are you sure?" Edward's asked against her shoulder, his lips barley leaving her skin as he spoke.

"Yes, Sir," she answered in a small, quivering voice. It was what she wanted, but the nerves of not knowing what he'd do to her with her item of choice fueled her anxiety.

Bella turned into his arms, keeping her eyes down, as she handed him the riding crop.

Edward tsked under his breath, making her freeze. She had done something wrong, of course. Edward trailed his fingers over the outer side of her arms, as he slowly reached her hands. He turned her palms up, arranging the riding crop on her extended hands, like an offering.

"This is how you present me with the object you pick," he explained softly. His fingers lingered on her wrists, and it took Bella a moment to understand what he was doing. Edward was checking her pulse, which was racing. "Relax. Do you remember your colors?"

"Yes, Sir." Some confidence had returned to her voice.

"Tell me," he prompted her, taking the riding crop in his right hand.

Bella forgot to breathe at the sight in front of her. She could only see Edward's sculptured abdomen, his tented black boxer briefs, and the crop held loosely in his hand. He'd never looked more Dom in her eyes, and she had yet to see the look on his face. Part of her wanted to be unaware of the probably stern look in Edward's eyes. It also helped her gather her thoughts.

"Green, Yellow, and Red."

Bella saw the crop move in a swishing motion, and the next second, she felt its lick and the sting it left on her left thigh. She jumped, startled, restraining her instinct to rub the aching skin. It also took all her willpower not to look up at him.

" _Sir_ ," Edward demanded. "You will always finish your sentences by addressing me properly."

 _Shit_. Bella cringed inwardly at her slip. Did he expect her to act flawlessly? She'd mess up, and he'd most likely forget about the pleasure by turning her ass red.

Alice had promised Bella that even though punishments hurt, because that was what they were intended to do, they were gratifying and liberating. Bella hoped she'd never understand what Alice had meant by that.

At the moment, Bella bit through her lip so she wouldn't say what she wanted to say the most, which was _Yellow_. She wanted to talk to Edward, and remind him that she couldn't be the perfect submissive girl he was used to. She'd never be, no matter how much he tried.

As if reading her mind, Edward tilted her head up with a finger under her chin. His eyes were the color of the sea during a storm. "Color?"

"Green, Sir," Bella replied, evening her breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for playtime? Bella's green. What about you?


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm grateful for Gabby's help.

Seeing Bella so vulnerable brought out the most protective side of Edward. When she had first suggested needing him – the part of him, Edward had kept locked away for the past couple of months, it had terrified him. She wanted to be dominated for all the wrong reasons, but Edward agreed to do it after getting Jasper's approval.

Edward knew exactly what they were going to do. He had to let Bella lead, and she didn't disappoint by choosing the crop. Her body knew exactly what she needed, even if she wasn't fully aware of it.

"Place your hands on the edge of the mattress, bend over," he commanded.

Bella complied, though, Edward noticed the confused look on her face. It was likely she'd never be like his other subs, like a trained sub, but it would be part of her charm. Edward found himself enjoying reading her reactions on her face, that way he'd always know if she was comfortable with what they were doing. And Bella had to always be comfortable with what they did. She might not always tell him how she felt, which meant he had to anticipate her reaction by reading her body language.

"Don't move," he said softly, tracing the tongue of the crop over her spine.

Bella tensed up, her head jerking to the side. Edward paused, staring at her amused. When she didn't turn her head to see what was going on, he continued down to her ass. She was wound up so tight, Edward chose to work on relaxing her before he continued. He trailed the crop over her inner thighs, up and down, several times, before he pressed the flat end over her sex.

Bella's breath came out in a whoosh, her whole body shaking.

Edward tapped her wetness, enjoying the way she quivered. Then he dragged the crop's tongue up over her ass. He noticed Bella's hands curling into fists around the bedspread.

He stepped to her side, tapping one of her hands with the crop. "Palms flat on the bed." She uncurled her fingers immediately, amazing him with how malleable she could be.

The fear of fully submitting was all in her head.

Edward tapped the end of the crop over her pebbled nipples, making Bella whimper and squeeze her thighs together.

"I think I told you not to move," he muttered, bringing the crop up then allowing it to stroke above her buttocks.

Bella inhaled sharply, her head thrown back. Edward could see the gentle curve of her throat, her mouth parted, and her eyes closed.

Ah, so she enjoyed it.

He repeated the motion, watching closely for any bad reaction from Bella. Her fingers made to curl around the bedspread, but she splayed her fingers wide, breathing shallowly.

Relieved that Bella wasn't afraid of what the crop made her feel, he continued teasing her until her ass was a light pink color and warm to the touch. Edward soothed some of the pain she had to be feeling by stroking his palm over the heated skin.

"Don't come."

"Yes, Sir," she answered breathlessly.

Edward doubted she'd be able to keep her promise. He brought the crop over her soaking wet sex, tapping it there. The sounds it made, alone, were enough to make him want to stop the teasing and sink into her warmth.

"Oh, my God!" Bella's spine arched and her legs started shaking.

"If you come now, you won't be allowed to come again for a week." Edward bent over her body to kiss the spot behind her ear. "And trust me, Isabella, I wouldn't make it easy on you."

"Oh, Jesus…"

Edward wound his hand around her ponytail, bringing her head up. Her wide brown eyes were full of desire. He brought his lips down for a bruising kiss. She kissed him back with ardor, almost begging him for mercy.

He pulled away, resuming his previous teasing over her sensitive sex. When her body tensed in a familiar way, Edward flipped the crop between his fingers, so its tongue could rub between her folds. Bella mewled, opening her legs wider.

"Did I say you could move?" Edward brought the crop down over her ass in a firm smack.

"Shiiiit! I'm sorry, Sir." Bella shuffled back in position.

"Remember your colors, Isabella. You don't want to come," Edward reminded her sternly. Then, he went back to altering between rubbing the crop between her folds and smacking her wetness until the leather was slick with her juices.

Edward was impressed with Bella's restraint, though, he could tell she was close to losing the battle over holding her release. He could see her muscles quivering, her legs and arms straining and shaking, her harsh breathing accelerating.

He anticipated her to say _Yellow_ any moment.

"Stop, Sir." Edward pulled the crop away from her swollen and wet sex. He hadn't expected to hear those words.

 _Stop_ left no room for arguing, yet it was entirely up to Bella when she was ready again to resume. Of course, Edward understood why she'd said that word, instead of _Yellow_. She only needed a breather to gather her wits.

Bella kept taking deep breaths. Edward waited until she'd be ready to continue, though, he wanted nothing more than to ask if she was alright.

"Color?"

"Green, Sir. I'm okay now."

"Good girl. I see you don't want to disappoint me," he praised her, petting her hair.

What Bella had just done, it proved to him she knew her limits better than he expected. Stopping him like that wasn't the ideal way to regain control over her body, but Edward accepted it, since it was the only way she knew how to do it. For now. In time, Bella had to learn to challenge herself, to keep holding her release when she was sure she couldn't do it.

Edward didn't pick up the teasing. He let the crop fall at their feet, as he stepped out of his underwear. As he walked to the nightstand to get a condom, he decided it was time to talk to Bella about thinking about other methods of protection.

"Sir?"

Edward turned to stare at her in surprise. Her eyes were round and wary, which proved she knew that she was breaking rules.

"Yes," he said curtly, seriously rethinking the need of the condom in his hand.

If she had some silly question, Edward was all for making Bella blow him, leaving her hanging. She had to learn how to behave, and the hard way was the best way sometimes.

"I know this is over the line, but hear me out."

Edward's jaw clenched. "Get to the point."

"You won't need that. I got on the pill last month. I wanted to tell you tonight…I wanted enough time to pass to be sure it would be effective," she rambled, her eyes watering.

Edward realized his stern face was scaring her, but he couldn't believe that she'd been a step ahead of him, anticipating his needs. That was usually his job – to anticipate her needs.

Her head dropped. "I figured, it was something you'd want, Sir," she mumbled.

Edward chucked the condom foil toward the nightstand, walking to the foot of the bed. Bella tensed up, and Edward hoped she didn't expect any corporal punishment. He had to show her how he appreciated her initiative.

"Stand up. Come here." Bella kept her head down as she walked to him, stopping right in front of him. "I'm not mad," he promised, tilting her head up. Her wet, brown eyes were proof of how vulnerable she felt. Edward stroked his thumb under her eyes, brushing away the tears. "Thank you."

She met his eyes, confusion clear in hers.

"I've wanted to talk to you about this. Being able to feel you like that…" Edward cupped a hand over her wetness. Bella moaned, clenching her thighs, trapping his hand. He played it to his advantage, pushing a finger deep inside her. Bella made to brace herself on his arm, but dropped her hand at the last second. "Good girl," he whispered, winding his arm around her waist to keep her upright.

Edward focused on fingering her slowly, until Bella sagged into his chest, whimpering.

"Remember your promise."

She squirmed, but her actions brought her more pleasure. Edward pressed his thumb to her bundle of nerves, adding another finger inside her wetness.

"Oh, God. Oh, sweet Jesus."

"Are you close?" Edward scissored his fingers inside her.

"Yessss! So close, Sir." She threw her head back, her blown pupils met his. "Please."

Edward smirked, taking his fingers out. Bella whimpered as he trailed his now slick fingers over her tummy and up between her breasts, before touching them over her lips. Bella surprised him by darting her tongue out to lick his fingers clean. Before she could suck them into her mouth, and make him forget his head, Edward grabbed her arms tightly, then he lifted her up, throwing her back on the bed. Bella landed in the middle of it, with a loud squeak.

He took a minute to admire her beauty. His eyes lingered on the scar covering her ribs, before he focused on her spread legs and her glistening sex.

He crawled up to her, settling between her legs. "Are you sure?"

Bella's brows met in the middle of her forehead, nodding slowly. She understood, he was asking that as her boyfriend, her partner. "I'm sure." She reached to cup his cheek, smiling.

Edward chose to bring her back in the correct mindset by interlacing their fingers and pushing her arms up, above her hand. He trapped them there with one hand over her wrists.

"I trust you not to move them," he said seriously.

Bella gulped, nodding. "Yes, Sir."

"And remember, you're still not allowed to come." He lifted her ass on his lap, holding her gaze as he guided his erection into her warmth. His fingers clenched on her hips at feeling her bare velvet walls around him for the first time.

Bella moaned loudly, her hands twitching, but she didn't lower them. Edward wrapped her legs around his waist, before leaning over her body. This was the moment the lines were blurring. Jasper had told him to do what felt natural and not fight it, even though, rationally, he'd do differently.

Edward kissed her, trailing his fingers up her arms, until they linked with hers. She gripped his hands, as he started moving slowly.

Edward focused on kissing down her neck, nipping at the lobe of her ear, all the while listening to Bella's escalating cries of pleasure.

Then, without warning, her legs created a vice grip around him, holding him still. Her inner muscles quivered around his dick until she became lax in his arms. It was a sheer miracle she had managed to stop herself, though, he could tell how close she was.

Edward untangled one of her legs, keeping it bent at his side, as he resumed moving slowly inside her. He kept his free hand over her wrists, holding them still, but Bella still managed to free one hand. It went into his hair, as she arched her back, crying out his name loudly.

"Touch yourself," Edward said, guiding her other hand to where they were joined.

Bella hesitated for a fraction of second, before complying. Her fingers brushed his dick, which brought him closer to his own release. When Bella's legs started shaking and her stomach muscles contracted under his exploring fingers, Edward bent over her breasts. They had been neglected so far, which was unfair. Bella's shallow breathing told him that she was losing the battle against holding her release.

He flicked at her left pebbled nipple, licking and sucking it for a moment, before rising his head and looking her in the eyes. She met his eyes, lost in her pleasure. "Come," he ordered, bending over her right nipple.

The hand still holding her leg up, gripped the skin of her thigh when her inner muscles squeezed him tightly. Edward covered her body with his, kissing her slowly, snapping his hips in short movements, contrary to how fast her fingers were working over her bundle of nerves.

"Holy shiiiit!" Bella shouted. Both her palms were on his back, before going into his hair, and her hips thrust up, almost rubbing against him.

Edward kept moving, prolonging her orgasm until Bella thrashed in his arms. Her second wave tipped him over the edge, making him groan into her throat, his hips stilling.

"Fuck," he grunted, slowly rolling onto his side, aware his weight could crush her.

Bella shivered, then curled into his side. She tangled one of her legs between his, tracing a finger over his forearm, smiling shyly at him.

Edward pulled her hair free, pushing it away from her eyes, kissing her lips slowly.

"Better?"

Bella tucked her head into his chest. "Thank you," she mumbled.

"Bella, you have to talk to me," he murmured into her hair. "I know why you wanted this, but it doesn't mean you're escaping an explanation."

"I don't wanna talk about it," she said petulantly. "Don't make me…not now."

"Not now," he agreed, stroking the back of his fingers over her back. "How about a shower now?"

"I don't think I can move just yet." A short giggle escaped her lips.

Edward laughed, pulling her closer, before slowly getting out of the bed with her in his arms.

"Did I mention I hate being carried around like a child?"

"You have to get used to it. I love having you in my arms." Edward deposited her in the bathtub.

"This is not the shower," she muttered.

"Aren't you observant today?" Edward crouched by the faucet making sure the water filling the tub wouldn't be too cold, then he added scented salts, before joining her. He sat behind her, slowly rubbing her shoulders. "How's your ass?"

"It's fine."

"Is it?"

"It doesn't hurt," she said softly.

"You'll tell me if it does," he said against the skin of her shoulder. "I don't want to mark your flawless skin."

"Flawless," Bella snorting, turning her head to meet his eyes. "Have you gone blind somehow?"

Edward traced the scar on her side. "This means you're alive…and it's beautiful, just like the rest of you."

"Please," she scoffed. She made to turn away, but Edward grabbed her chin, keeping eye-contact.

"You're beautiful, Bella." A smile spread on her lips, before she lowered in the tub, resting her back against his chest. Edward wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "This is later."

Bella sighed loudly. "I need a smoke for this conversation."

"You smoke, too?" Edward asked, amused.

"What do you mean 'too'? I didn't take you for the type to poison yourself with nicotine. I thought your poison was alcohol," she joked.

"It was meant as in…you're clearly opposite to anyone else I've ever been with." He kissed her temple. "This side of you attracted me to you in the first place – the dark eyeliner, the purple streaks in your hair, the tattoos…"

"You hadn't seen my tats on the first night," she argued, amused.

"I could tell there were tattoos." Edward tilted her head backwards to kiss her. "And now I find out that you smoke."

"Yeah, I'm full of surprises like that." Bella wrapped her fingers in his hair, returning the kiss. "After we wash, I promise we'll talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All good?
> 
> Without giving too much away, James won't play a big role, so don't worry too much about him.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for an intense and emotional chapter. There might be some triggers during their talk, so approach with caution.

It wasn't the fact that Bella was dreading the talk about her brother, but she was far too content lying in Edward's arms in the bathtub. Edward was drawing lazy patterns on her forearms, while she soaked in the peaceful moment.

Bella's mind drifted to the scene they had played, and for the first time, she was eager to explore more, to dare herself to push her limits and find her tolerance threshold.

Her focus was turned to Edward's finger on the skin of her back. It felt like he was air-writing something. She tried to concentrate and understand the letters catching shape on her arm, but it was difficult.

"What did you just do?" Bella tilted her head back to look up at him.

Edward had a playful smile on his lips, but his eyes were serious. He stayed quiet, challenging her wordlessly, to guess. He repeated the motions with his finger, while her eyes stayed on what he was writing.

This time, she caught it from the beginning.

It felt like Bella's heart was about to take off, as she figured out what the letters meant.

I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U

Bella gasped, turning around into his arms. She could barely see his face through her tears. She'd figured it out a long time ago that she was falling for this amazing man, but for him to return her feelings…Bella had never dreamt of it.

"Really?" she asked, breathlessly.

Edward's smile grew. He leaned closer, stopping a breath away from her lips. The back of his hand stroked her cheek. His deep green eyes showed everything he felt. "I love you, Bella."

"Oh!" She covered her mouth, as a sob escaped her lips.

Finding someone had never been a top priority for her, let alone, someone who would love her. Bella was aware she was flawed, and even though, she might have a pretty face, her body showed the ugly scars of her past.

When Edward said he loved her, he meant all of her, which filled her with hope and joy…and love.

"I love _you_ ," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oh, God! I love you so much, Edward!"

His strong arms wrapped around her body, holding her tightly, pressed against his chest. His hands travelled lower, until they clamped onto her hips, bringing her on his lap. Bella knew exactly what he wanted, so she straddled his lap, shifting until she was where they both desired.

Holding gazes, they made love, wrapped around each other.

.

.

.

"Why purple?" Edward asked curiously. He was standing behind her in front of the bathroom sink, running her brush through her hair.

Bella caught his eyes in the mirror, shrugging. "Purple's cool."

He snorted. He curled a strand of purple hair around his finger, before bending to kiss her bare shoulder. "I like it."

Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You might be biased, Mr. Cullen."

The hand resting on her hip, moved away, only to smack her towel-clad ass. "Believe me, if I found any part of you repulsive, we wouldn't be here." He made a point to stroke two fingers over the birds tattoo on her shoulder. "You're beautiful, Bella. All of you."

Bella took a deep breath, trying to accept the compliment. She slowly turned into his arms, cupping his cheek. "So are you. Even though, you don't see it. We have that in common." She nipped at his chin, making him chuckle.

Edward pulled away, playfully narrowing his eyes at her. "You're not escaping that conversation by seducing me."

"Is it working?"

"If I didn't have as much discipline over my body as I do, we wouldn't be standing here."

Bella whimpered at the implications. Her body was most likely not ready for more sex, not so soon, yet she yearned to have him close again.

When they were finally done in the bathroom, they adventured to the kitchen. Edward was wearing only a pair of gray sweats, hanging low on his hips, teasing Bella with the happy trail leading to the Promised Land. Bella had on her favorite pair of boy-shorts and another shirt stolen from Edward's closet. Her air-drying hair was already sticking in all directions, but she knew there was nothing that could tame it, besides, Edward's hair was always a hot mess.

Edward pointed to a stool by the kitchen island, while he went to ransack the refrigerator. Bella wasn't one to sit and wait to be served. She ignored Edward's frown, as she filled the electric kettle with enough water for two cups of tea, then she stared at the cabinet doors, not sure where she'd find the tea.

Edward opened the tall cabinet by the fridge. "Take your pick. I prefer the forest fruits assortment."

She grinned, looking through the variety of tea boxes in there. She chose the green tea for herself, knowing that if she drank any black tea, she wouldn't sleep that night.

Bella was busy pouring the hot water over the tea bags, while Edward was heating their dinner in the microwave oven, when Tanya joined them. Bella didn't see her approach, so Tanya's voice startled her.

"I hope you're not breaking my kitchen," Tanya scoffed. "I swear, I'm not here for two minutes, then you set the house on fire."

"Hey! It happened only once," Edward scolded her, but he was clearly amused.

"Try a dozen times." Tanya had her hands on her hips, tapping her foot to the floor. "Can I help with anything?"

"We've got it," Bella answered. She wanted to know the stories behind Edward's disastrous kitchen experiences.

Tanya watched her in disbelief.

"Trust me. The kitchen is safe with me. I'm a good cook. Besides, the food only has to be heated." Bella pointed to the microwave.

"Yeah, like that absolves the kitchen on fire issue. Mr. Cullen should be banned from the kitchen."

Edward groaned, raising his hands. "I'll be in the living room."

"Do I want to know?" Bella whispered, when he was out of earshot.

Tanya huffed, shaking her head. "It's a long story."

They worked in silence on plating the food. Bella knew they'd need some privacy for the talk they were about to have, so she directed Tanya to the dining room with the plates. Tanya only hesitated for a second, before doing as told.

Bella joined Edward in the living room. She stopped behind the couch, leaning forward to wrap her arms around him. She berated herself when he startled.

"Sorry," she mumbled, pulling her arms back.

Edward caught her wrists. "It's okay."

"Dinner is ready," she said, extracting her hands from his grip. "Dining room."

He looked at her over his shoulder, smirking. "Fancy."

She smirked back, walking around the couch and taking his hand. They walked slowly, holding hands. Edward stopped in the dining room's doorway for a moment, then he went to one head of the table.

Tanya had placed their plates on each end of the long table.

Bella picked her plate and fork, carrying them to Edward's end, before folding herself on the comfy chair.

"I feel underdressed for such a formal dinner," Edward joked.

" _You_ feel underdressed?" Bella laughed.

"Fair point." He took his seat, his eyes lingering on her bare legs. "So, why are we eating here?"

Bella toyed with her fork. "I figured we'd need some…privacy."

"I hope you don't plan to seduce me to get out of the talk." His green eyes pulled her under their spell.

"No, no! But now that you mentioned that's an option…" she teased.

"It's not an option," Edward gritted out, though he was smiling.

Bella stabbed a pea bean, glaring at it. "Jimmy and I used to be best friends. I don't know how close you are with your sister, but despite the seven year difference, Jimmy was always there for me. He used to take me out with him when he met his friends, he bought me anything I wanted behind our parents' back, which usually got him in trouble, he was my rock." A tear slid down her cheek, but Bella didn't try to wipe it away. "When it happened…" she stopped, choking on a sob. Edward covered her hand, brushing his thumb over her wrist, his eyes full of concern. "I was at Jake's. I had had a bad fight with my parents and James that night. I had told them I was spending the night at Jake's. They didn't understand our friendship. No one does…" Bella shook her head. "Jimmy came to get me way after my curfew, even though I'd told them I wasn't coming home that night."

"Quite the rebel," Edward commented.

"You don't know half of it," she mumbled. "I put up a fight, but Jimmy manhandled me in his car, telling me to stop being a brat. I still remember every word he told me on the ride home. He told me about trying to act more mature and stop being so influenced by other people. He kept hinting that Jake's intentions weren't as pure as I thought."

"Something we have in common," Edward murmured.

Bella rolled her eyes. Jake had backed down a lot after she'd punched him some years ago. It hadn't been her intention to hurt him, but he'd crossed the friendship line when he'd kissed her without her permission.

"I called him all the bad names in the book, threw his relationship with that cunt in his face…I taunted him that it was none of his business if I actually wanted to fuck Jake." Bella covered her face. "Jimmy told me that the way I was acting was hurting our parents, and if something happened to them or to him, I'd be just another guidable teenage girl who'd end up as a cold case in a police station."

"He didn't!" Edward roared.

Bella sniffed, dropping her hands. "It was my wake-up call. I was just finished promising myself to not let my teenage hormones rule my life, when we turned on our street." She pulled her knees to her chest, tugging the shirt over them, rocking slowly. The pain she had felt almost six years ago was still raw. "I can't explain how I felt. There are no words."

Edward got out of his chair to kneel by Bella's side, stroking her arm. "You don't have to talk about that."

She barely registered his words. She remembered the trance state she'd been in when she'd told Jasper about it during therapy. It felt no different now.

"Jimmy parked in the middle of the street. We ran to the shell of the house we used to call home. It was still burning. The firefighters kept us away." Bella pressed her face into her knees. "Some said it was arson, others said it was just a gas leakage. I don't even care what it was. It took them away."

"Shhh." Edward moved to hug her, kissing her head. "And the asshole found the easy way out."

"I thought about this on the way here, earlier. We all cope with such traumas differently. Look at me, I was on the road to destroy myself before Jake saved me. You found solace in alcohol. James needed a clean break."

"Making excuses for him doesn't absolve him from the pain he'd caused you."

"That's true," Bella whispered, straightening up and brushing her tears away. "But he's still my brother. The least he deserves from me is to listen to his story."

"Do you want me there?" Edward took her hand, kissing the back of it.

"No, it's something between him and me. But I'll let him sleep on it for a few days."

"You're evil."


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the reviews. I appreciate all of them (of course, excepting the trolls)
> 
> Also, a BIG thank you to Gabby for all the suggestions and help.
> 
> Ready for Bella's first family dinner?

Edward hurried out of the house, only to stop in his tracks in the middle of the driveway. They had made the mistake to nap after eating a light lunch, which made them late for Saturday dinner at his family's house. They weren't late yet, though, they were pushing their luck.

The twenty minutes car ride couldn't be covered in only ten minutes. His mother didn't like tardiness.

Bella had somehow gotten ready faster than him, and said she'd wait with Felix.

What Edward hadn't expected was to find Felix and Bella sharing a cigarette against the hood of the Caddy. She'd mentioned the previous day she smoked, but Edward had yet to see it. She had to be doing it seldom, because he'd have noticed it earlier in their relationship. He never did, though.

"I'm ready," he said, announcing his presence.

Bella passed the cigarette to Felix, pushing away from the car. She had on a dress that he'd rather not see on her body. It didn't become her at all, but she'd insisted it was one of her most decent dresses. It was a simple black dress with a few red lines across her chest and around the waistline, which thankfully showed her slender figure, though the length of dress was over her knees. Not even his mother wore such atrocious clothes.

Edward joined Bella, taking her hand, aware the heels on her feet were her nemesis. He assisted her inside the car, before he turned to Felix.

"Maybe we could stop by the flower shop on the way," he suggested.

"I thought we were going to be late," Felix said, confused.

"Might as well do it thoroughly," Edward laughed. "Mom might forgive us if she sees us with her favorite flowers."

"Sure, sir."

Edward climbed in beside Bella, while Felix took his seat behind the wheel. When Felix pulled away slowly, almost crawling to the highway, Edward groaned.

"Our stop doesn't mean you still don't have to hurry. She said six-thirty. We'll never be there in fifteen minutes, but I'd rather not be more late than we're already going to be."

Felix nodded, shifting the gear and accelerating.

A shot of adrenaline coursed through Edward's veins, but it was the wrong kind of thrill. It was the worst kind – the one he usually got right after the accident.

Bella linked their hands between their bodies, leaning into his side. "I'm nervous," she admitted.

It was all he needed as a distraction – small talk.

"We talked about this. You've already met them," he reminded her quietly.

"Yeah, but it feels more official now."

"Stop being silly."

"Have you talked to your sister about me? Has she changed her opinion?" Bella chewed on her lip.

"Bella, they'll get to know you tonight and whatever preconceived idea they might have had…it will be gone." Edward rubbed her arm, kissing her head.

"Should I buy the flowers, sir?" Felix's question pulled Edward from his thoughts.

They had already arrived at the flower shop, which meant, he was better left in the dark at how fast Felix had driven.

"You know what she likes," Edward answered. He handed Felix his credit card. "Make sure they wrap it up nicely."

Bella moaned in protest. "We're already late. You think flowers would absolve us of the trouble we might be in? She'd probably blame me."

"Hey, I want you to stop worrying about this. I have a pretty good feeling that my parents already like you. Rose…she'll warm up. She never made friends easily."

Bella mumbled something under her breath, which amused Edward. He could only guess the dislike was mutual. He'd have to team up with Emmett and make sure the girls got along.

Rose was worse than his mother when it came to the girls Edward dated. She had always criticized them, finding them not good enough for her little brother. While, his mother had been understanding and trying to talk sense into Rose that it was Edward's life.

Truth to be told, they had met only a handful of the girls he'd had in his life. All the encounters had been a mistake, starting from his first girlfriend in high school, following through some unfortunate events that led either his mom or his sister visiting him while he was walking out the Sub of the weekend, and ending with how they had found out he was dating Angela. They had thought her nothing more than his assistant, until Rosalie had dropped by at his office. She had walked in on them kissing on top of his desk.

If Edward was honest to himself, the way he'd introduced Bella to his family was the usual, normal way. And if they had something against the way Bella earned her living, he couldn't wait to see what Bella had to say about it.

Hopefully, Bella would be herself that evening, even though, everything pointed out that she was trying the tame kitten act to impress his family.

Felix returned, placing the large bouquet of lilies on the passenger seat. He handed Edward his card, before pulling out in the light evening traffic.

"How late are we?" Bella whispered, staring at the flowers. "Is your mom usually mad if you show up late?"

"She's not a fan of tardiness. I might make this bigger than it is, or maybe it's me not liking to be late somewhere." Edward shrugged. "I did show up thirty minutes late one time, but I had a good reason. My plane had been delayed. I was visiting from college, back then."

Bella nodded, turning her head away. Her shoulders were tense, and her hand clutched his tightly.

"Relax, please." He rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand.

"They'll hate me. Look at you – accomplished business man with a college degree, and look at _me_." She scowled, turning to stare at him. Tears pooled into her eyes. "I didn't even finish high school, Edward! I work in a bar."

"Stop this," he hissed. "If you think any of that matters…"

"It does to me. I think it bugged me from the beginning, but I tried to forget it."

Edward held her face between his palms, pressing his forehead against hers. "It doesn't matter to me. Not having a degree doesn't disqualify you from being smart and still having an honest job. Please, Bella. Stop thinking like this."

A tear slipped from her left eye, rolling down her nose. "It's how I think…how _everyone_ thinks."

"Stop," he demanded, narrowing his eyes at her.

Bella pulled away, wiping the heel of her palm under her eyes. "Is that an order?"

"Is that what you think? That I'm going to order you to not think so lowly of yourself?"

"You can't change the way I think. So, let me ask you again: are you ordering me to stop thinking rationally? Because, I know what everyone you know is going to think of me when they hear I'm a drop-out and a bartender."

Edward curled his hands into fists, a surge of anger coursing through his veins. It was only that asshole of her brother's fault she was thinking such things of herself.

"You wouldn't have dropped out of high school if your life had been different. You handled things the only way you knew at that age with no one else around to help you. You aren't a mere bartender, Bella. You own that pub. You kept the business going, even though you could have sold it and moved away with the money you got. You could have started new. But you didn't. You kept fighting," he spat.

Bella watched him with wide eyes. It was clear that she finally saw herself in a new light, because there was a spark of confidence on her face.

Edward took one of her hand, squeezing it. "So, please, stop putting yourself down. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you, but you kept on fighting."

"I guess you're right," she whispered.

"So, if my sister or mother say anything to you, I want you stand up for yourself. Trust me, you don't want me to get into that argument with them."

A small smile appeared at the corner of her mouth. Edward leaned closer to kiss her.

"We're here," Felix announced to them, breaking the spell.

"Shit!" Bella cried out. "How do I look?" She dug through her clutch, retrieving a small mirror. "Go on. I'll join you in a minute."

"Are you sure? You look fine," he insisted.

"My eyes are blotchy and a have mascara lines on my nose. I'm not fine."

Edward frowned. His Bella wouldn't have cared what she looked like, but he understood that she was trying to win his family. He liked to think that she'd already won his parents, at least, at the wedding.

Edward grabbed the flowers from the front seat, meeting Felix's eyes. "Bring Bella inside when she'd ready," he whispered. Felix nodded, with a concerned look in his eyes.

Edward could only guess what Felix must be thinking after hearing their argument, but he wouldn't judge. Edward knew for a fact that Felix could have a talk with Bella about how far high school drop-outs got, since he was one himself. Felix's background was shadowed by wrong decisions at every turn, until he'd enlisted his name as bodyguard for the agency Edward usually selected his security. It hadn't taken long for Edward to hire Felix as his personal driver and bodyguard.

Edward stepped into his parents' house, checking the kitchen first. His mother was at the stove, but her eyes were out the window.

"Good evening, Mom," he said in greeting, offering her the flowers.

She turned to smile at him. "Alone again?" She frowned, glancing back at the car.

Edward cleared his throat. "Bella will join us in a minute."

His mom placed the bouquet in a vase sitting on the counter, acting peculiar. She hadn't once attempted to hug him, which was out of character.

"Okay, what's going on?" Edward muttered, leaning against a wall.

"Try not to fight with your sister, please. She wasn't pleased when she heard you were bringing your girlfriend."

"Maybe she should get down from that high horse she's riding and—"

His mom narrowed her eyes at him. "She's not the only one concerned."

"Why? Because you think it's too soon? Because you think Bella's not good for me? I'd like to hear what you have to say now, so I decide whether we stay for dinner or not."

"See, I told you, Mom. He's all defensive about her, like she's done something wrong. Which, it wouldn't surprise me." Rosalie joined them, stopping next to Edward. "If that chick is your healing band aid, you better rip it off before it's too late."

Edward turned to face his sister, glaring at her. "If I hear one more bad word about Bella from either of you," he glanced at his mom, "I'm gone." He hoped there was no need to explain that he'd never return if he left.

The front door opened, and Edward braced himself for more hatred coming from Rosalie's mouth.

Before she could do any more damage, Edward focused on Felix's voice. Something was wrong.

"Come on. Through here. You never listen, do you?"

Edward shouldered his way out of the kitchen past his sister, stopping in the entry way. Bella was leaning against Felix, her face red in embarrassment. Felix was carrying her shoes, which made Edward check Bella's feet. Her right ankle was swollen, which meant she had somehow managed to twist it on the short walk from the car to the house.

"What am I going to do with you?" Edward groaned, going to her side. He placed an arm under her knees and the other around her back, before lifting her up. "Tell Dad to come to my room," he told Rose, over his shoulder, as he went up the stairs slowly.

"I guess this is the last time I wear heels," Bella mumbled against his neck.

"Do I want to know how you managed?" he chuckled, elbowing the door of his old bedroom open. He placed her on the small bed.

"When I got out of the car. I don't know how but my ankle just slipped."

"Christ." Edward ran a hand through his hair.

There was a knock on the open door, and he turned to find his sister there. She had a bag of frozen baby carrots in her hand.

"Dad's been on the phone for a while now. It's the hospital. Until he can check her up…" Rosalie advanced into the room, handing Bella the frozen bag.

"Let me grab you a towel. If you put the bag on your skin, it will be too cold," Edward suggested.

He wanted to ask Rosalie if that had been her idea, or their mom had pushed her to do some good deed. He tried to move as fast as possible in his quest for a towel, knowing that Bella wasn't comfortable around his sister.

When he returned to his old room, Emmett had joined the girls. Bella was leaning against the headboard with her foot on top of three pillows.

"Bro, Bella's tough. Don't worry," Emmett said, probably noticing the concerned look on Edward's face.

"I know that, Emmett." He wrapped the frozen bag in the towel, slowly pressing it to Bella's ankle. "Hurts?"

"I'm used to this. But yeah, it hurts. I hope I didn't break it," she mumbled.

Rosalie rubbed her husband's shoulders, meeting Edward's eyes. "Why don't you two go and see if Mom needs any more help? I'll keep Bella company until Dad comes to check her leg."

"You don't have to. I can wait by myself," Bella mumbled, her cheeks turning redder.

"Nonsense! I'd like to get to know you better." Rose dismissed her words with a wave of hand. "Out, you two!"

Edward frowned, not one to take orders from others. He sat by Bella's side, stroking her cheek. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah. Trust me." Her brown eyes held confidence, which eased his mind.

"Okay." Edward kissed her forehead, before leading the way out of his room.

"Rosie just wants to talk her. I saw the way she looked at you when you noticed Bella was hurt downstairs. I think she finally figured out how much you care for Bella," Emmett said quietly.

"Em, I love her," Edward replied.

Emmett grinned, then he clapped Edward's back, making him wince and elbow the oaf in the stomach. He'd never learn boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about time for everyone to see Bella for the strong woman she is...including Rosalie.
> 
> Before you accuse Edward of abandoning her, remember that he trusts her and she's able to handle herself. :)


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many 'thank you' to my lovely reviewers and to my amazing pre-reader.

As if it wasn't embarrassing enough knowing Bella could never be seen as Edward's equal by his family, she had to go and make it worse by twisting her ankle.

Their conversation on their way to his parents' house had made Bella understand that there was nothing to be embarrassed about, even though she knew that society would see things differently. If Edward's family could see past her flaws, it was enough for her.

Being left alone with Rosalie, without being able to make a run for it, made Bella nervous. She could tell that Edward's sister just wanted to talk, but sometimes words hurt worse than physical pain.

Rosalie sat at the foot of the bed, keeping her eyes on Bella. "What are your intentions with my brother?"

Bella bit back a snort, because that was borderline crazy for Edward's sister to ask. "I'll be around for as long as he wants me."

Rosalie narrowed her eyes, one of her hands pressing the towel holding the frozen bag to her ankle. Bella squirmed, pain radiating from her foot. "Do you love him?"

"Get off me, you crazy psycho!" Bella jerked her foot away, wincing in pain. "It's none of your business, but as a matter of fact, yes, I do."

"If you hurt him, you'll wish you haven't crossed paths with him to begin with. This," Rosalie pointed to her swollen ankle, "will be nothing compared to what I do to you."

Bella sneered. "There will be no need to chip your manicure, sweetheart."

Rosalie stared at her in shock for a good minute, before throwing her head back and laughing. Maybe she was actually crazy, Bella decided.

Rosalie made a claw of her hand, grinning. "I might have underestimated you."

"Clearly."

The door opened to reveal Dr. Cullen. He asserted the scene, shaking his head. "Hello, girls." He walked closer, stopping by his daughter's side and touching her shoulder. "Did you have the time to tell Bella I hate playing doctor at home?"

"We didn't get that far," Rosalie explained, fighting a smile. "Do you need my help?"

"No, kitty. Go and help your mom."

Bella shifted uncomfortably when she was left alone with Edward's dad in the room. Judging by his previous words, it was clear he didn't like to bring his work at home.

"Did you have to play doctor a lot as Edward was growing up?" Bella asked, shyly.

"Edward?" Dr. Cullen laughed. "Oh, you have that one wrong, honey. There was a time I used to call home beforehand to check if I should smuggle more antibiotics and gauze to mend my daughter's bruises."

Bella gasped. "No way!" _Rosalie?_ She was the epitome of lady.

"Don't let her polished looks fool you. She's got quite the right hook, or so I hear."

"Wow."

He sat down on the bed, taking away the towel. "Damn. How did you hurt yourself this badly?"

"Is it broken?" Bella asked, worried.

Dr. Cullen touched her ankle, pressing his fingers to some spots, making her hiss in pain. "It's definitely sprained of what I can see. It needs to be x-rayed."

"Shit. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, nothing to worry about. I have this portable x-ray device in the basement. I haven't used it in years," he said. "You didn't tell me how you managed to hurt yourself."

Bella could feel her face burning in embarrassment. "My ankle sort of twisted when I got out of the car. I'm really clumsy."

He chuckled. "Can you stand? It would be better if we go to check the damage before I wrap it up."

With his support, Bella hopped out of Edward's old room and to the stairs. They were halfway down the stairs, taking them one at time, when Edward passed the entry hallway and noticed them.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, handing a salad bowl to Rosalie, before rushing to them. "Are you taking her to the hospital?"

"I still have the portable x-ray machine in the basement. We were headed that way," his dad explained.

Edward swept Bella off her feet, carrying her toward the basement. She noticed Dr. Cullen's amused look, then she pressed her face into Edward's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry for ruining the evening."

"What's a family reunion without some drama?" he joked, placing her down on a futon.

Ten minutes later, Dr. Cullen decided Bella's ankle had to be wrapped in plaster, which resulted into a trip to the hospital. Somehow, he'd managed to convince his son, there was no need for him to tag along.

Hospitals weren't Bella's favorite place in the world, but the local hospital had been restored and there wasn't the smell of chlorine and sickness in the air. Bella refused the wheelchair, choosing the aid of Dr. Cullen's arm to hop around.

When they finally returned to their house, the others were at the dining table, chatting. Edward's chair nearly toppled over as he hurried to her side.

"How is it? Does it hurt?"

"Nope. I'm all good," she mumbled.

"Better get some food in your system," Dr. Cullen said, amused. "I gave her two Tramadol."

"Christ," Edward muttered. He kept a hand on the small of her back, helping her to the table.

Once Bella was situated in the chair next to Edward's, he took his seat. Bella refused to look up from her plate, feeling tears stinging in her eyes.

"So, I hear Hilton plans to build a new hotel in the city," Emmett said casually.

Edward cleared his throat. "We know."

"If you need details, I might have some. They've contacted my agency to help with the construction site."

"Now you tell me?" Edward groaned.

"I waited to make sure we had a deal. I had many who bailed on me last minute."

They continued talking business, and Dr. Cullen joined them. Bella hadn't known where Emmett worked, or why Edward was so interested in this new hotel construction, but it was obviously part of his job.

"You should eat something, dear." Mrs. Cullen offered her a large bowl of salad.

Bella piled some on her plate, afraid to meet the woman's eyes.

"The chicken is great." Rosalie stabbed her fork into a chicken leg, then leaned over the table to place it on Bella's plate.

That gesture grabbed Edward's attention. "I think Bella can feed herself, Rose."

"No, it's okay," Bella mumbled, picking her knife and fork. "I guess I'm still kind of shaken."

"It's normal, dear." Mrs. Cullen patted her hand. "How long does she have to stay off her foot?" She turned her attention to her husband.

"A week, at most. We covered this on the ride back home. Bella will come for a check-up at the end of next week," Dr. Cullen explained.

"You're staying with me during this time," Edward declared. "Make sure Bella has a medical leave, I'll drop it by at Eclipse."

"Edward, I can't…" Bella tried protesting.

"One week away won't be the end of the world. If your job didn't entitle standing on your feet the whole day, I might have reconsidered it. Probably, not even then."

"Cuz you're a control freak," Rose joked. "If she wants to go to work, let her. I'll probably end up in the mad house if I was stuck with you for a whole week."

"No, I don't mind being stuck with Edward," Bella said, surprised that Rosalie had taken her side.

"Course you don't," Emmett laughed.

Bella wanted to slide under the table and become invisible. Edward's hand clenched around the knife in his hand, glaring at Emmett.

Rosalie, who seemed to have switched to Team Bella, slapped her husband upside the head. "Don't be an ass."

"What, babe? I'll bet Ed's gonna take some time off, too." Emmett lifted a brow in challenge.

"Jesus, Emmett," Edward groaned. "Mind your own fucking business."

"Watch that mouth," Mrs. Cullen cajoled.

"Seriously, Mom? You pick on me after what Emmett said?"

"I see Rose can handle Emmett. Besides, he didn't cuss."

Bella stared, amused, as Edward's shoulders hunched. Of course, there had to be a person he took orders from, and that person was his mother.

As the others resumed talking and eating, Bella leaned into Edward's side. She kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?" He frowned, taking her hand.

"You're cute when you're angry."

"I'll show you cute, Isabella," he hissed into her ear.

"Counting on it. I hear I'm on bed rest for the upcoming week."

Edward chuckled. "There were other ways, much more pleasurable, if you wanted to be in my bed."

"I'm sure," she whispered.

"Yo, lovebirds!" Emmett called loudly.

Edward turned sharply to his brother-in-law, glaring daggers. Bella pulled back, slumping in her chair.

"That was hardly necessary," Rosalie commented, rolling her eyes.

Dr. Cullen chuckled. "I was trying to grab your attention, though, it seems silly what I wanted to ask."

"What's that?" Edward asked, tensing up.

Bella reached out to place a hand on his thigh. Edward glanced down, smiling and covering her hand with his.

"Well, we were curious how serious you two were. I have to admit, you've kept Bella hidden."

"I did not," Edward retorted.

Bella squirmed in her seat. "It's me. I wasn't ready yet to meet you all, officially," she admitted.

"Well, we're happy you're both here," Edward's mother said softly. "It's wonderful to see Edward smiling again."

Edward scowled, as if to placate her comment.

"Maybe not now," his dad joked.

Bella flipped her hand around and threaded her fingers through Edward's. "I'm glad I could help him."

Edward squeezed her fingers, smiling her way.

"Yes, Mom. The night they met, she was a real help," Rosalie said, nodding.

"Rose," Edward hissed.

She turned to him, slightly surprised by his hostility. "What? Bella was the one to put a stop to your alcohol induced coma. Emmett told me how she begged him to take you home."

Bella bit back a smile. "Yeah, well…What can I say? I know when the patrons need to stop drinking and it's time for them to go home."

"I don't think I want to know the story," their mother said. Her concerned eyes were on Edward, who was still glaring at his sister.

Couldn't he tell that she was actually on Bella's side? Somehow, Bella had won Rosalie's respect. She had no idea when or how, be she was grateful for it.

The rest of the meal went by uneventfully, with the exception that Edward kept shooting daggers his sister's way.

As they were getting ready to leave, Mrs. Cullen reminded them that she was expecting them again the next Saturday.

"Uh, I might not be able to come," Bella admitted in a small voice.

"You won't be working, remember?" Edward pointed to her foot.

"It's not that," she muttered. "I promised Jake I'd spend the day with him. Uh, it's my birthday then." Bella hadn't found any right time to tell Edward about her upcoming birthday, and telling him in front of his family wasn't how she'd envisioned it.

"You plan on spending your birthday with that piece of shit?"

"He's my best friend," she retorted, aware of the audience. "Look, can we talk about this in the car? I bet your family doesn't have to hear this."

"Looks like I won't be coming next weekend. Someone kept her birthday a secret," Edward told his mother.

Without warning, he picked Bella up, carrying her to the car. She had planned on thanking Mrs. Cullen for having them and apologizing again for delaying dinner, but her caveman of a son had to act all big and mighty.

Bella huffed, folding her arms across her chest once they were seated in the back of the Caddy. Felix came out of the house, walking toward the car with an amused look on his face. Bella hadn't known he'd been in the house, too, but of course, Mrs. Cullen wouldn't have allowed him to wait in the car. She was too kind.

"Your mother said, quote 'That boy needs to loosen up before he scares that poor girl'."

"Did you tell her to mind her own goddamn business?" Edward snapped.

"Well, I'm sure you'll tell her that yourself. Besides, your sister said that Bella could take care of herself." Felix turned to face them. "I don't doubt it. Just don't spill any innocent blood in the car, please."

"Remind me to fire you when we get home."

"Copy that."

Despite being angry with Edward, Bella giggled at their banter. She turned to Edward, not surprised to find him watching her sternly.

"Remember, I've got a good right hook?"

Edward's jaw clenched.

Bella chose to stop taunting him, because she'd already upset him enough. She expected some kind of punishment when they got home, and even though that thought should have scared her, it thrilled her.

"Were you going to tell me about your birthday?" Edward asked when they turned on the road leading to his house.

"Eventually."

"Do you actually plan on spending the day with your friend?"

"It's tradition. We spend our birthdays together. I won't stay with him the whole day, I guess. Jake will understand things have changed now," she said softly. "Look, let's compromise. I get the morning with him and the rest of the day with you."

"Deal."

Edward helped her out of the car when they arrived, once again carrying her around like a helpless baby. This time, she was indeed incapacitated, though.

He placed her at the foot of the bed. While he unzipped her dress, his eyes bore into hers.

"I hope you've sat well tonight, because you won't be sitting down for a while."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Color? ^_^


	36. Chapter 36

No one had ever tested Edward's patience the way Bella did.

When he'd found out about her birthday, only a week away, he tried not to be upset about not knowing. He hadn't told her about his own birthday, though, they had just met back then. Bella should have told him about hers.

The worst part was that she planned on spending the day with her friend. The compromise she'd made wasn't good enough for Edward.

He was already planning to take her away somewhere, hopefully leaving Friday evening so they'd be away on the big day and he wouldn't have to share her.

But before he could focus on her birthday plans, Bella had to be reminded that her behavior that evening had been out of line.

Bella's mouth dropped when Edward warned her about not being able to sit for a while.

Her eyes blazed with fury as she jabbed a finger into his chest. "I thought this was a normal relationship. You promised not to let your lifestyle interfere. So now that I insulted your sensitive ego in front of your family, you plan on spanking me?"

"If you haven't figured out by now how I work, Bella…"

"Well, you were banned from doing what you wanted. I wouldn't know. Should I call Jasper to reinstall the ban?"

"This is the problem here," he snapped.

"What is that? Amaze me, Edward! We're having an argument. We had quite a few during your ban, and not once did you tell me that my behavior then might earn me a spanking. It would have, at least, prepared me for this." She gestured around. "You don't get your way, which I have no clue what is it right now, and you decide to put me in my place?"

Rationally, Edward realized that Bella was right. Though, at the same time, she was wrong. He had to remind himself again that Bella was never going to be like any other Sub he'd had.

Instead of arguing with her, which could drag for hours, Edward spun her around, mindful of her injured foot. He bent her over the bed, pushed her panties down, before lifting his right hand, then allowing it to fall on her ass with a loud crack.

She gasped, writhing against his hold. "Are you out of your mind?"

"So help me, Bella! You're going to regret every word you say from now on, because it will only multiply the spanks."

He hit her three more times in quick succession, tightening his grip on her bent arms behind her back. She was putting up quite the fight, which proved she wasn't even trying to get in the right mindset. She wasn't even thinking about what she'd done wrong.

His fifth slap on her ass was harder that the others, leaving the white print of his hand on her red cheek.

Bella tried to kick him with her good foot, but cried out when she put pressure on the injured one. Edward kept altering between smacking her ass and thighs, while she cried out, squirming around. When she finally became lax, he sighed in relief.

His palm was itching, and Bella had only received ten slaps. He planned for at least five more.

He'd been so angry and focused on punishing her that he'd forgotten the most essential rule – to check on her.

"Color?" He soothed a hand over her flaming ass.

Bella tensed up, choking back a sob. She twisted around enough to meet his eyes. Hers were full of hatred and tears.

Edward braced himself, because he knew what was coming. He let go of her hands, before she spoke.

Her voice was barely a whisper, "Red."

"Fuck." Edward took a step back.

Bella curled into a ball. "Leave me alone."

"Like hell." He stumbled back to the bed, sitting next to her. His heart shattered when she flinched away from him. "Talk to me."

She met his eyes again, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You _are_ a monster!"

Her words cut him deeper than any other injury he'd ever sustained in his life. "Bella," he whispered.

"I just wanted to talk to you," she spat. "I was going to tell you about my birthday. It's not a national secret."

"I know…"

"Do you really?" Her eyes blazed with a fiery rage. "If every time I dare to argue with you ends up in you beating me, you better tell me now."

"It won't happen again," Edward promised.

Bella sniffed loudly. "No, it won't. I will never allow you to do this to me again. And if you think I've cross some line, you better explain to me why you're going to do it. And that explanation better be a good one, and not because it's what you do when I don't act like a saint."

Edward decided in that moment that Bella was more important to him than his lifestyle. If she wanted to keep anything from his chest of drawers to bring _more_ to their sex life, he'd accept it. If she wanted it all burned down, he'd do it.

"You have my word that this won't happen again…because, starting now, I'm done."

"You're done?" she cried. "What is that supposed to me? Shouldn't I be the one breaking up with you for beating me like an animal?"

Edward cringed. "That's not what I meant." He hadn't thought about Bella wanting to end things between them. "If it's what you wish…"

She sat up gingerly, resting on her hip. "What did you mean, then?"

"From now on, it will be just you and me. Forget my lifestyle. It seems I'm incapable of separating them."

"Edward, I'm starting to understand your lifestyle better. But tonight, I failed to see the reason behind all this! You don't even have a good answer, besides, you had to do it because I argued with you in front of your family."

"Because we're both learning, Bella. While you seem to catch up pretty fast with everything, I seem to be stuck in my ways."

"I don't want you to forget your lifestyle," she mumbled. "I'm starting to…like it. I enjoyed yesterday. It was different."

"Punishments are meant to hurt," he explained, exasperated.

"I'd have accepted the punishment if it was justified," she shouted. "Come on, hit me again because I raised my voice at you."

"Christ." Edward ran a hand through his hair.

It was clear that they needed to have a conversation about what was punishable and not, but before it happened, he had to clarify it all in his head. Bella was right about his questionable reason behind the spanking.

"I'm going for a run," he told her, heading into his closet to change clothes.

"Now? It's dark."

"I need to clear my head."

Bella shuffled closer, stopping in front of him. "I want you to stay here and talk. Let's figure this shit out together. I'm tired of people running away from me to clear their heads."

"Shit, Bella." Edward hugged her tightly. "That piece of shit did a real good number on you."

"You calling yourself names?" she teased, in barely a whisper.

"I'm probably worse than your brother. You were right earlier."

She tilted her head to look at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I had no right to call you that."

"You did." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "As least, let me draw you a bath. It should soothe the ache some."

"Don't go too far," she pleaded.

"I'll be in the sitting room."

Once Bella was in the bathtub, Edward let himself out of his room. He leaned against the closed door, taking a few calming breaths. It didn't work.

The only person he should be upset with, at the moment, was himself, for losing control over his emotions so badly.

On the way to the wet bar, he pulled his phone out and called Jasper. It was a high possibility his friend wouldn't be able to answer since he preferred to play during the weekend.

"Edward?" Jasper's surprised voice greeted him after several rings.

"Am I disturbing you?"

"No, actually we were just watching some movie."

"Good. I need to talk to you." Edward poured half a glass of whiskey, downing it in one gulp. "Do you have a minute?"

"Hon, I'll be right back. It's Edward on the phone," Jasper said to Alice, before Edward could hear a door opening and closing on his end of the line. "Talk to me."

Edward poured another glass, this time taking it and walking aimlessly around the house. "I fucked up."

"Is this about yesterday?" Jasper asked fearfully.

"It's about what a fucking idiot I am," Edward snapped, stepping into the pool area and throwing himself onto a chair.

"What happened? Remember, you have to tell me, so I'll be able to help."

"I don't need my shrink. I need my best friend," Edward explained. He took a sip from the glass, before he retold Jasper what had happened during the evening leading to the terrible way he'd treated Bella.

"Jesus Christ, Edward!" Jasper interrupted him when he got to the punishment. "Are you crazy?"

"Bella said something similar."

"Man, what hell were you thinking? She's not ready for anything like that."

"Especially, when it's unjust and she didn't deserve it," Edward muttered.

"Did you, at least, talk about it after?"

"Yeah. She's still here, for some insane reason." Edward drank some more, closing his eyes.

"Tell me about yesterday. What brought it on? Did it go well?" Jasper seemed to be in an inquisitive mood.

"Her brother is in town. It's a long story with their history."

"I know all about it," Jasper replied. "Bella used to be my patient, in case you forgot. We talked about her family."

"Oh, right. Well, then you know. She asked for it yesterday. I thought I was making a mistake, but in the end, it turned out quite the perfect scene."

"Bella wanted to submit to you after seeing her brother?" Jasper groaned.

"I know it sounds terrible. Believe me, I had half a mind to tell her 'no' yesterday, but I wouldn't have known how else to help her. When you told me I could do it, but cautiously, I chose to let her lead." Edward downed the contents on his glass. "The night turned out even better after. We finally admitted our feelings."

Jasper gasped, before chuckling. "You've been dancing around that one for months."

"Yeah, it turned out we had nothing to fear…"

"About tonight," Jasper said quietly. "You better find an explanation for her, even if it is only your ego being bruised. And next time you do it, there better be a damn good reason for you to lay a hand on her."

"There won't be a next time, Jasper. I'm seriously reconsidering everything."

"We had this conversation, Edward." Jasper sounded exasperated. "You can't just give up your life. What you need to do is use your head and not let your emotions rule the way you react."

"I guess you're right." Edward got up. "I'm going to talk to Bella."

"Call me again if you need my advice. Please, keep your temper in check."

"I will. Thanks, Jasp."

"Anytime, man."

Edward carried his empty glass back to the wet bar. After refilling it, he turned at the sound of footsteps. Bella was wrapped in his black bathrobe, her wet hair half-dry, all over the place. She glanced at him, before heading into the kitchen area.

Edward leaned against the back of the couch, watching as she prepared herself a cup of tea.

Bella placed her cup on the island when it was done, resting her elbows on the edge of the counter. "I talk, you listen," she said softly.

Edward nodded, not making any move to go any closer to her.

"Spanking is a hard limit if you don't have a real reason to do it. And believe me, I'll never give you a reason to do it again."

Edward bit back his reply about never saying never.

"You said yourself that you are willing to change some of your rules," she continued.

"That's true," Edward nodded.

"I want to always have an idea of what you plan on doing to my body."

"That's where trust comes into play. I think we've discussed it."

"Well, you lost all of my trust tonight," she snapped, looking into her cup of tea.

"Bella," he gasped, nearly losing his grip on his glass. He'd fucked up royally for her to admit such a thing.

Edward edged closer to her. Bella's head shot up, her eyes dark.

"Don't get any closer or I'll scream."

"Don't be absurd. I won't hurt you," he said softly.

Her eyes narrowed and her posture went rigid. "Of course, I bet Tanya and Felix are used to hearing women screaming in pain when you're around."

"Stop, Bella." Edward crossed the rest of the distance between them. He pressed a finger to her lips, when she opened them, ready to scream. He had her trapped between his body and the island counter, but for once all he could think of was a way to apologize for his behavior from earlier.

"Step away!" Bella shoved against his shoulder.

Edward gripped the edge of the counter, towering over her, breathing harshly. "I'm not used to being talked back to."

"Well, you better get used to it if you want this relationship to work!" She kept pushing against him, in an attempt to escape.

"I've known from the beginning that I had to forget some of my rules and bend other rules, in order to make this work."

"You're doing a superb job at showing me this epiphany of yours." Bella rolled her eyes, gripping two fistfuls of his shirt, glaring into his eyes. "I'm aware of what your lifestyle implies. Enough time has passed for me to understand it to an extent. I know there won't always be only pleasure, but of what I know, punishments need to have a solid reason behind the action. I didn't do anything wrong."

"It's just how I see it. I understand now that I overreacted," he admitted.

"You overreacted?" Bella cried out. "Me, not telling you about my birthday, ended up with my ass on fire, just because you thought I was keeping it a secret from you."

"Not exactly." Edward winced. "It won't happen again," he repeated his previous words. "If it ever…if I ever think you deserve to be punished again, I will talk to you before."

"It won't," she sneered. "Come on, tell me, such behavior is punishable. I'm not allowed to talk back to you, like we're back in the eighteenth century!"

A smile broke on Edward's face. He slowly trailed the fingers from one of his hands over her arm until he cupped her cheek. "I love this fire inside you."

"Good," she spat, before pulling him closer by his shirt. Her lips molded against his, as her arms looped around his neck. "You don't get to touch me," she gasped against his lips when he untied the robe.

"Maybe we should move to somewhere more private?" he offered, amused by her brazenness.

"What, afraid someone is going to see you acting human?"

"Come on," he urged her toward the bedroom. "How's your foot?" He hovered a hand over her waist, as she shuffled down the hallway.

"The only pain at the moment is located in my ass."

As they stepped into the bedroom, Edward realized that Bella wasn't going to let this go any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure not many of you will agree with Bella's decision to still be there, but before you accuse Edward of being a brute, remember this is the only way he knows how to react. They're both learning.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes a little insight into James's story. I don't expect you to forgive him.

By Wednesday, Bella was ready to face an angry Edward again, this time with good reason, and make a run for it. Being stuck in his house felt like being imprisoned. It didn't matter he had all sorts of entertainment available, Bella was too used to being at the bar every day, seeing her friends, moving around.

Even playing with Harley in the backyard bored both of them after fifteen minutes of tossing a ball.

Tanya knocked on the door of the entertainment room, where Bella was currently looking through Edward's movie collection in hopes of finding something decent. She had tried reading, but she couldn't concentrate enough to get sucked into a fictional world.

"I'm headed to the store to get some things," Tanya said.

"Wait!" Bella scrambled to her feet, wincing slightly when she put pressure on her injured foot. "Take me with you."

Tanya pursed her lips. "Mr. Cullen is going to be upset."

"I don't give a shit about what Edward will say." Bella hurried as best as she could to the bedroom. "Wait for me! I'll be ready in five minutes."

Afraid, Tanya was going to bail and leave without her, Bella only pulled one of her sneakers on her good foot, then she grabbed her purse and was on her way to the front of the house. Tanya was waiting by the island counter, phone in hand.

"Oh, no! Please, tell me you didn't call him."

"I'm still not sure," Tanya said, worried.

"Look, I'll take all the blame. Besides, Edward won't be home until later today. He's going to see Jasper after work," Bella said, walking slowly to the front door.

They drove in a tiny Audi, which Bella assumed was Tanya's car. In the store's parking lot, fate had it so they parked next to a dark sedan. The owner was none other than Bella's brother.

Bella froze halfway out of the Audi, wondering if Tanya wouldn't mind going grocery shopping two towns over.

James was by her side in a matter of seconds, trapping her in the gap between the car and the opened door. "Izzy! You're alright! I've been worried."

"You speak as if I've been kidnapped. I thought it was clear enough I wasn't going to spend another moment home while you were there," she spat.

"You staying at your boyfriend's?"

"It's none of your goddamn business!"

"I just want to talk to you," he begged. "I see Cullen hasn't told you why I'm here."

Bella frowned, remembering how odd she had found the scene and how she had expected Edward to have beaten James. She turned to Tanya, who was now standing in front of her car, watching them warily.

"Uh, I have to do something."

Tanya paled. "Are you kidding me? You're leaving with this man?"

"He's my brother. It will be okay," Bella insisted, stepping away from the Audi. "See you later." She went to James's car, getting into the passenger seat.

She knew that Tanya was going to call Edward, who'd flip his lid. She chose to be a step ahead on the whole mess and text Edward first.

_**Long story short, I'm with Jimmy. I'll let you know when I need help getting back to your place.** _

Then, she switched off her phone. This time, she probably deserved some kind of punishment, but Edward better remember that he'd pushed her to talk to her brother.

"Is this a rental?" Bella asked when James joined her in his car.

"It's my new car. I'm a family man, remember?"

She hummed, staring out the window.

"I've been by the pub. Thank you for keeping it going," he commented.

"Yeah…"

"Where do you want to do this?" he asked, twisting the key in the ignition.

"Let's take a walk on the beach," she suggested.

"Is that a good idea? What happened to your foot?"

"Shit. Yeah, okay…the studio, it is." Bella glared at the plaster around her ankle. "You know, Clumsy Bella."

He chuckled, as he started to drive. "How bad is it?"

"Just a sprain. I'll live."

At her studio, Bella noticed the changes right away. All her clutter was gone, the kitchen looked cleaner than it had been in a while, and the window above Harley's blanket was actually opened wide. She hadn't been able to open it in over a year – the top frame caught on something invisible.

She went into the kitchen, opening the pantry door, only to freeze. All her alcohol was gone.

"What happened to my stuff?" she spat, turning to face him.

"Aren't you too young for drinking, Izzy?"

"Who the hell are you to judge me, James? I'll be twenty-four in a few days!"

"I know." He opened the freezer, pulling out the bottle of vodka. "That's where you keep vodka, sis."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, shithead. Now it's frozen!"

"It's been there for under an hour." He shook the bottle, showing her the liquor slushing around.

They sat at the kitchen table with the bottle and two glasses. Bella stretched her injured leg under the table, pulling her good one up on the chair and wrapping her arms around her knee.

"Start talking," she muttered.

"Izzy…" James reached out to touch his sister's hands. "I was just a stupid kid myself. I had no idea what I was leaving behind."

"You were my age now. I'm no kid, but I guess having to grow up overnight and learn how to take care of myself helped," Bella sneered. "You said that cunt told you to stay. Why should I believe you?"

"Because it's the truth. I don't know why you never liked Vicky, but she's really not a bad person."

"You want to know why I started acting up when I turned seventeen? Because you had abandoned me for her! You used to spend all your time with her. I didn't understand then that's how relationships worked." Bella sipped from her glass. "So I rebelled. We were both wrong, I'll admit."

"Christ. You should have told me."

"You were never around, James. Do you know that if Jake and his dad hadn't come here to check on me, I'd probably be dead now?" she asked slowly. James's eyes widened and filled with tears. "When you left that day…I didn't move from the couch where you'd left me. It was two days later when Jake and Billy found me. I hadn't eaten in over forty-eight hours. I doubt I'd slept, either. I don't even remember that time." Bella swallowed loudly, taking a shaky breath. "It took them over a week to make me resemble a human being."

"Shit, Izzy."

"I went back to school, but I couldn't focus in class. Everyone was watching me as if I were some alien. I dropped out. I sought Gary's help to reopen the pub. At first, he kept me in the office, helping with paperwork. Then, I went to the front to help Paul with clearing the tables. Paul taught me how to mix drinks, and as a birthday gift for my twenty-first, I was promoted to bartender."

"That's sweet. I bet Ma's proud of you."

"I tried to keep the bar alive. It's doing better now than it had in the beginning." Bella met his eyes. "A lot of shit happened, James. Did Gary ever tell you I got in an accident?"

"No. His answers were the same, which makes me think he was trying to placate me. He hasn't answered me in a while."

"Did he try to punch you when he saw you now?" Bella could only imagine how furious Garrett must have been to see his lost friend returning.

"He tried, but stopped himself. He said you don't deserve me as your brother," he said quietly.

"That's true. You're a piece of shit."

His eyes held sorrow, which proved he might have some redemption in Bella's eyes. "What sort of accident?" James asked curiously.

"A bad one. I nearly died." She twisted around, lifting her shirt. "See this scar? And this one." She pushed her hair away from her temple.

"Jesus! Car accident?"

"Bike. It was a long time ago." Bella downed her glass of vodka. "Why are you here?"

"We're moving back."

"You want the studio?" Bella could hear the despair in her voice. She was clearly not ready to move in with Edward, and that would mean she'd have to crash at Jake's place.

"Don't be silly. This place is yours."

"Okay." She nodded, as she poured more vodka in her glass. "You said…I'm an aunt," she said slowly, just remembering what he'd told her on Friday.

"Yes." James scrolled through his phone, showing her a picture of a little girl.

Bella had expected to see a baby, not a toddler. "How old is she?"

"Just turned two the other week."

"She looks a lot like you, except the red hair." Bella took his phone, zooming in the picture to look closer at the little girl. Kids had never impressed her, but James's child was adorable. "She's cute, Jimmy."

He cleared his throat. "Sometimes, I worried that I fucked up so badly that you'd end up pregnant and drive yourself and that kid to ruin."

"I guess I was smart enough not to do it," Bella spat. She couldn't believe how lowly he thought of her. "I'm not some skank, James! I don't sleep around. And if I do, I always use protection!"

"You have a boyfriend," he said impressed.

"Yeah, so? You met him. I'm still not sure what you told him, because from the moment I told him about you, Edward wanted to break your face for hurting me."

"I told him the truth, Izzy. I'm back for good. I'm so fucking sorry for leaving…for abandoning you. Like I said, I had no idea what I was leaving behind." James gripped his hair. "Vic's sick."

"Fuck." Bella reeled back, her stomach twisting. "Did you tell Edward this?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Of course, now it made sense why Edward had felt remorse toward her brother. "No reason." She pulled her chair closer, rubbing his back. "Nothing can be done?"

"The doctors discovered it too late. It's a heart problem." He took a shaky breath, leaning into her side. "We decided that whatever time she has left, she better spend it here on the beach…where we grew up."

"Makes sense. Did you find a place?"

"I'm still looking," he answered. "I hope you can forgive me one day, Izzy."

"I need some time, James. You hurt me real badly. But you're my brother – the only relative I have left alive."

"Don't forget Ruby." He nodded to his phone. "My daughter," he explained when Bella shot him a curious look.

"Right." She hugged him for a few moments, before pulling away.

"Hey, what do you say about going to Laurent's for ice cream this weekend? For your birthday."

Bella snorted. "Dude, Laurent retired years ago. He's an old fuck."

"Well, then anything you want." James looked eager to rectify his past mistakes by spending time with her.

"Get in line, bro. I have Jake and Edward fighting for scoring time with me that day. I might as well accept your invitation, just to see them enjoying disappointment."

James laughed throatily. "I like the claws, Iz. So, you and Jake?"

"There was never me and Jake. We're just friends. But there's me and Edward," she said, grinning. She could feel her cheeks flushing as she spoke of Edward.

"He seems like a nice guy."

"He is. I'm lucky," she admitted.

"I'm happy you found someone who cares so much about you. Do you love him?" James stroked her hair, smiling.

She nodded jerkily. "Yep. More than he loves me, I bet."

"I wouldn't hold my breath. Have you seen the way that man looks at you? The way he acted when he took you away on Friday…it's clear he loves you a lot, Izzy."

"I should call him to come get me…" Bella pulled her phone out, turning it on.

Several missed calls and messages spammed her inbox. All of them were from Edward, gradually growing worried and hysterical because her phone was turned off.

She decided to call him, hopefully, she wouldn't disturb his time with Jasper.

"Bella!" Edward gritted out. "Where the hell are you?"

"Home, actually. I had a nice chat with James."

"You sent me that message hours ago!"

"Well, it took us hours to talk," she retorted. "Are you with Jasper?"

"I ditched. I'm coming to get you."

"You ditched? I thought you were going to talk to him about Saturday," she grunted.

"See you soon." Edward hung up, leaving her worrying about what he must have been thinking while her phone was shut off.

She had hoped that this session he should have had with Jasper would help him, make him think twice before making a mistake like the previous Saturday. Her ass was still tender.

Bella wasn't sure how she'd forgiven him, or why, for that matter, but she knew, deep down, that he had meant well. Like she still made mistakes during their playtime, he was entitled to make mistakes, too. Even though, his mistakes had repercussions on her ass.

Edward arrived not long later, knocking loudly on the door.

James went to answer, while Bella trailed slowly after him. Vodka and her equilibrium, on top of her injured leg, weren't a good combination.

Edward shot James a nasty look, before he stormed into the studio, wrapping an arm around Bella's waist. He leaned in to kiss her lips, holding her closer.

"When Tanya said you got into a stranger's car…"

"I told you, I was going to talk to James!"

"I didn't see your message until later." Edward kissed her forehead. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'll let you know about Saturday," Bella told her brother. "You have my new number now."

"Okay, Izzy. Take care."

"This Saturday?" Edward frowned, as he helped her down the stairs, to the front door of the building.

"Yeah. I'm thinking, I'd rather spend the day with my brother, while you and Jake have a pissing contest over me."

"Bella," he groaned.

She stopped short in front of the building. "You brought the bike?"

"It was the fastest way to get here." Edward handed her the red helmet. "Don't get hasty to make plans for Saturday." He assisted her in getting situated on the bike, before straddling it.

Bella hoped he didn't have some crazy plan. She'd actually rather spend the day with her brother, catch up some more, and try to forgive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time =)
> 
> Reviews are love.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of love this story got is overwhelming! Thank you to each and every one of you who left such kind comments. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.
> 
> I hope to be able to keep your interest in the storyline with every new chapter.
> 
> This being said, let's delve into the story!

"Take me to that trashy bar you frequent," Edward commanded over the phone.

Emmett barely had time to register that his best friend had called him for the first time in five months. Initiating contact had never been Edward's forte, but after the tragedy he'd been through, Emmett figured Edward was finally feeling better.

Since his fiancée was on her night out with her girlfriends, Emmett didn't have to explain his absence. She'd probably want to tag along and see her brother.

Emmett arrived within ten minutes to Edward's house. He barely had the car parked when the passenger door opened brutally.

Edward climbed inside, buckling his seatbelt.

Emmett knew better than to stare, but he'd never seen Mr. Clean and Sharp dressed in washed-out jeans and a gray hoodie. He could even distinguish a beard hidden under the hood.

"Done analyzing me?" Edward snapped.

"Dude! I haven't seen you in months!"

Emmett could almost hear Edward clenching his jaw. "Fucking take me to that pub, then you can go on to your merry way."

"Yeah, right. Like Rosie would let me live another day when she hears I abandoned her baby brother inside Eclipse."

Emmett drove slowly, keeping his eyes on the road. Edward sat stiffly in his seat, his gaze focused out the passenger window.

"Man…" Emmett had never seen anything so sad in his life. It wasn't like Edward had been the happiest person, but his behavior was vein-cutting inducing.

"Shut it, McCarty! If I wanted to talk about my problems, I'd accept Jasper's offer. But I don't."

At the bar, Emmett planted himself on the stool next to Edward, smiling in greeting at his favorite bartender. Misunderstood and depressive drunks were Bella's specialty. She'd know what to give Edward.

"Hey, Bells!" Emmett greeted her, accepting the beer she gave him.

"Emmett! Haven't seen you in a while," she smiled, leaning over the counter. "What's his deal?" She nodded toward Edward.

"Keep them coming his way," Emmett said slowly. It wasn't his business to tell Bella who Edward was. He kept his life as private as possible. Hell, not even the family knew the details of what had happened, and it wasn't like they could ask Mr. Depression. The family knew what the newspapers and tabloids had showed for weeks following the terrible accident.

"What'll it be?" Bella turned to Edward, smiling kindly.

"Old Fashioned. No orange."

Bella nodded, getting his drink ready.

"If you plan on staring at the side of my head, I suggest you get lost," Edward snapped, his eyes flicking to Emmett for a second.

"Man. You wanted to come here for drinks. People usually talk—"

"I don't need your meaningless conversation." Edward snatched his glass from Bella, walking to the corner of the bar, tugging the cowl back on his head, while sluicing the ice in his glass.

Bella shot Emmett a curious look, but he shook his head.

"I'll be over there." He pointed to a table on the side of the room. On his way there, he noticed Felix by the door.

Of course, Edward's shadow had followed them there. It made Emmett wonder why Edward hadn't demanded that Felix bring him here. Why did he have to drag Emmett along, only to abandon him?

Emmett nursed his beer, watching Edward fetching Bella for drinks at an alarming rate. When he noticed Edward flirting with her, Emmett expected Bella to punch him like she usually did with the pushy patrons. It surprised him when she came by his table a while later.

"I think you should take your friend home. He's intoxicated."

Emmett walked to Edward, touching his shoulder, but he dropped his hand remembering how Edward felt about being touched. "Dude, let's get you home."

"Nowhere near done here," Edward slurred, waving Bella closer. "'nother Godfather."

"Man, you've had enough," Emmett insisted.

"Fuck off."

Knowing he wouldn't win that argument, Emmett slipped outside the pub, calling Rosalie. She'd know how to talk sense into her brother.

When he returned inside the bar, Emmett stopped next to Felix. "Ready to take him home?"

"If that's what he wants," Felix answered professionally, keeping his eyes on his boss, who was making a spectacle of himself.

.

.

.

The highlight of Bella's shitty day was the hottie sitting by himself at the corner of the bar. He kept summoning her for a refill.

She idly wondered where Emmett had kept him hidden.

The man was hands-down the most gorgeous specimen she'd ever laid eyes on, if you were into the whole dark and broody thing. That was her thing apparently.

Why couldn't she choose easy and have her happy story with her best friend? Jacob was the only person to understand her. He was her sun.

No matter how much he tried, though, Bella would never return his feelings. So, to forget about what she could have if she gave them a try, she invested herself in the most troubled men. Of course, nothing ever worked out.

She gravitated toward them when they stepped into the bar, but eventually, she left alone to her lonely studio. She was too set in her ways to ever find someone, so she lived off the fantasies she created with the troubled men coming into Eclipse.

But Emmett's friend was a whole different level of troubled.

While she worked on a group's drinks, she stole glances at him. He had the hood back over his head, obscuring his features. Bella had gotten a glimpse of his profile earlier, and all she'd seen were sharp angles, dark spots under his eyes, and an unkempt beard.

After she told Emmett to take his friend home, which he failed, she kept doing her job. She had lost track of the whiskey-based drinks she had handed him, which meant he had no idea how much he'd drunk.

A stunning blonde woman breezed inside the bar. She was definitely not one of the usual patrons, which meant she was there for someone.

When she stopped behind Dark and Broody, Bella rolled her eyes. Figured Emmett had called the man's girlfriend to get his drunken ass out of the bar.

She hovered over his shoulder, stroking his hair through the hood, whispering into his ear.

Then, she nodded to Emmett. To Bella's surprise, a large, muscled guy she hadn't seen in the shadows of the door came closer. He helped Dark and Broody to his feet, catching him easily when he nearly collapsed.

Then the elegant blonde woman approached her.

"How much does he owe you?" She opened her purse.

"I've got it, babe." Emmett placed a hand on her back. He handed Bella the card. "On me."

 _Babe?_ Bella was more confused than ever before.

Emmett might have been her regular, but he'd never talked about the stunning woman he was dating. Though, come to think of it, Bella could remember receiving a wedding invitation some time ago, but she'd declined based on the fact that they weren't exactly friends. _Huh_.

While Bella sorted through the large tab, she couldn't help but hear their conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me you were taking him out?" the blonde asked, holding back tears.

"I thought he was better, and he wanted a night out."

"How many times has Edward wanted a night out?" she sneered. "Don't you get it, baby? He feels like his whole world is over!"

Bella handed Emmett the card back with a shaky hand. He smiled tightly at her before taking his fiancée away.

Bella was left staring after the party, not sure what, exactly, had happened.

.

.

.

A pounding headache woke Edward up before the sun was visible on the horizon. He rolled over in his bed, not ready to face the day. Eventually the sledgehammer in his head won the battle, and Edward padded into the bathroom.

After washing down two pills with a glass of water, he stared at his reflection. His eyes were sunken in with dark bruises around them, his beard was longer than he'd ever worn it, and his complexion was so pale it scared him.

 _This is not what Angela would want_ , he thought to himself, before he walked into the kitchen.

Edward poured a glass of orange juice, drinking it all, before changing into a pair of sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt.

It had been months since he'd run on the shore.

Stepping into his running shoes, he took the shortest route to the beach down the stone steps behind his house.

As Edward enjoyed the morning breeze, flashes of the previous night danced before his eyes.

There was no more booze in the house. It was too late to bother Felix or Tanya with his otherwise insignificant issue. So, he decided to call Emmett and brave whatever the oaf had to say.

Edward had withdrawn from everyone after losing Angela. He hadn't spoken to anyone in months. He'd forbidden his family to call or visit.

The phone calls were easy to dodge – he simply didn't answer.

The house visits were a different story. He stood in the shadows watching Tanya expertly dealing with his mother and sister. She deserved a statue, because Edward had never been able to say no to either of them.

Then, Edward remembered the beautiful lady tending the bar at Eclipse. She was probably used to drunks like him. Because the previous night he had been nothing else other than a random drunk drinking his sorrows away.

Edward stopped near the harbor and closed his eyes. The girl's large, soulful brown eyes haunted him. She looked like the kind of girl he'd choose for himself, but something in her dark eyeliner and purple streaks of hair made him see a rebellious good girl who he wanted to tame.

That thought scared Edward. He wasn't ready yet to get invested in someone else, but every fiber in his body desired to know that girl better.

He'd have to ask Felix to take him there tonight. Granted, that was if Rosalie hadn't scared him off somehow.

Rosalie. Edward still couldn't believe his sister had stepped foot in that establishment, only to stop him from drinking his brain cells away. He'd have to face the music sooner or later.

He'd make an appearance at family dinner on Saturday.

But until then, he'd visit his office. It was Friday, after all.

With that thought in mind, he jogged back.

Tanya greeted him at the backdoor, staring at him as if he'd grown another head.

"Good morning, Tanya."

"Mr. Cullen," she nodded.

"A protein shake, please." He disappeared toward his room. She wouldn't ask questions.

His people knew their place. It was his family who had no idea how to act around him and stepped all over his boundaries.

In the shower, Edward closed his eyes leaning his body on his hands propped against the dark marble wall.

"I'll try again, baby," he murmured, taking a shuddering breath.

If there were any tears on his face, the water washed them away.

Edward decided he shouldn't worry about the beard because it was nothing he could do on his own. He'd have to visit Riley, but the mere idea of facing Riley's bubbly personality made him cringe.

Edward arrived in the kitchen dressed in his dark blue suit, briefcase under his arm. Tanya greeted him with a bright smile at the kitchen island.

"Welcome back, Sir!" She handed him a to-go mug with his protein shake.

"I'm getting there," he said, accepting the mug. "Is Felix around?"

"Keeping the car on idle."

Edward nodded, heading out through the front door.

He kept a strong grip on his mug, eyes on the car. The mere thought of getting into a car terrified him like nothing else, but rationally he knew that not all car rides ended up in tragedies.

"Felix," he nodded to his head of security, closing the back door.

"Sir?" Felix's gray eyes met his in the rear-view mirror.

"The office, please."

Felix nodded, already pulling away.

Edward decided it was the best opportunity to call his sister. He had thirty minutes to listen to Rosalie's monologue.

"How's the hangover?" She said in greeting.

"Cured." He stared out the window. "Hello, Rose."

"Oh, Edward! I've been so worried! When Emmett told me you were at Eclipse…you're not back to drinking, right? I hope not. The last time…"

"Don't worry. Those days are behind me." Edward closed his eyes. "Did you mention last night to anyone?"

"Of course not!" she cried out, scandalized. "But now that I saw you…Edward, you need help, baby brother."

"Rosalie, _please_ ," he hissed. "Last night was eye-opening. I'm alright."

"Are you? I've never seen you so low. When's the last time you slept?"

"Last night."

"A good night's sleep, Edward. When is the last time you looked in the morning?"

"This morning."

"Edward, I hate when you do this!"

"Do what? Answer your never-ending stream of questions?" He sighed heavily. "Look, Rose. I'm better, believe me."

"I hope so, because Emmett needs his Best Man beside him at the wedding," she said cheerfully. "You haven't forgotten about the wedding, have you?"

"No, Rose. It's still a month away, from what I remember."

"But there's still so much to do! You need a suit."

"I own a variety of suits. Stop fussing. If it makes you feel better, I'll meet Emmett again today and discuss my duties."

"Perfect! But no drinking," she warned.

"No drinking," he promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I have no experience in the whole D/s scene, but I hope to come close to reality when we reach that point. I'd kindly appreciate guidings if I do anything wrong.
> 
> See you all next Saturday.
> 
> Until then, check on my fb group: addict_writer fanfiction - I'll post there pictures in the folder for this story.

**Author's Note:**

> Still with me? This is a Bella/Edward story, just to put it out there.
> 
> This Prologue is just what happened to Edward. Next chapter, the story will begin.


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